


You Saved Me

by Milner



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 89,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milner/pseuds/Milner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little pre-Divergent/Divergent story. What if Beatrice and Tobias knew each other in Abnegation? What happens on Tobias' choosing day? Will he choose to stay with Beatrice or go out on his own? Mostly original content. Slightly ooc.</p><p>All characters and ideas belong to Veronica Roth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am just transferring this story over from another site, so I can post both here and there. I'm going to leave off most of my notes except when necessary. I just want to give a quick thanks for reading, and any reviews you want to leave are greatly appreciated! Happy reading!

Sitting at my desk, pen in hand, I pay attention like I'm supposed to, but there really isn't a need. I look up at the clock; 20 minutes left. "Now it's very important that when it's time for you to take your aptitude test, you think long and hard about your results."

Today in our faction appreciation class, we are learning about what will happen during our aptitude tests. The teacher continues on, "This decision isn't to be taken lightly. You are all 18 now; adults making adult decisions. This choice will affect you for the rest of your life. You don't want to end up Factionless, so please, take the time given to you to really think about this."

Yeah yeah. Factions. Simulations. Choices. Being kicked out of your faction and having to become one of the Factionless. I know all about it; my father has drilled it into my head for years. I know I will be textbook Abnegation, but I take the notes anyway.

"Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Erudite and Dauntless. Each faction has their own way of thinking and their own way of living. But by working together, we have made our city of Chicago thrive. Abnegation, known for their selflessness above all else, functions as our cities government. Amity, known for valuing peace above all else, took it upon themselves to supply our city with food. Candor, who value honesty above all else, gives us our laws. Erudite, who value intelligence above all else, is responsible for all our technological advances. And finally, Dauntless, who value bravery above all else, is our cities protection. Now there are many jobs within each faction, such as-"

I can't listen anymore.

13 minutes.

I know I'm not supposed to think about her, but I can't help it. I see her every day. In the halls. In the lunchroom. Walking home from school. She's even been in my house. I haven't said a single word to her, but I can't get her out of my mind.

Not very selfless.

1 minute. My heart skips a beat.

I will be right next to her, and then we will ride the bus home together, and I will follow her home as I have every day for the past 10 years.

Maybe today can be different.

The bell rings, and even though I will be one of the last ones to leave the room, I pack in a hurry. I patiently wait for the other factions to leave before I get up, and then allow my legs to carry me as fast as they can to her. _Just take a deep breath. You can do this._ I tell myself. _Just talk to her._

I slowly make my way around the corner and see her standing there. I'm trying everything I can to get my legs to go to her, but they won't, so I stare. To an outsider it probably seems a little weird, but I just can't help myself. There are plenty of girls prettier than her, if I'm being honest. But her eyes, those beautiful storm gray eyes, there's something in them; a light. A fire even. Yes, fire. I  _like_ that fire.

I'm abruptly aware just how long I have been standing here staring at her, because I see that she is staring right back at me. My heart feels like it just dropped to my feet, and then decided to try and shove it's way out of my mouth. I should walk away -look away even- but I'm frozen in place.  _Take a deep breath Tobias_ I tell myself. I finally move, looking away while I slowly make my way to my locker. I exchange my books, and walk back the way I came; I sneak a peek over my shoulder, but she is gone.

I board the bus through the rear entrance and walk straight to the back. I know she always stands towards the front, and after being caught staring, I'm hoping to avoid that awkward moment when she sees me again. The ride home is uneventful, as always, and soon it's just the Abnegation left on the bus. I stare at my feet, trying to will myself to disappear, when I feel it. First in my arms, then my legs, and finally it comes to rest on my head. And it stays there. I've never felt this sensation before; I can only describe it as... _fire._

I slowly raise my eyes to find hers staring directly into mine. I look away and do a quick survey of the bus. What am I worried about though? We are all Abnegation; we are trained to keep our eyes down and our mouths shut. I find her eyes again and I know that they never left me. I stare back, unable to move like before. That sensation has filled me completely now; head to toe I am on fire. I let out a small smile; it's this small act that finally breaks her gaze, and just like that, the fire is gone. I keep my head down for the remainder of the ride home, missing it's warmth.

The bus stops and I allow everyone else off first, trying to gain as much space as I can between us. As much as I would like today to be the day, I don't get my hopes up. I can barely look at her without forgetting everything else, how am I supposed to talk to her?  _Another day_ I tell myself. I gather my things, and slowly get off the bus. I've actually done such a good job at stalling, I am the only one standing here.

_Real smooth Tobias._

"Hey." I'm startled, and drop a book. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."  
 _It's her.  
_ "No! I mean, umm, I just didn't realize anyone else was here. Don't apologize," I manage to squeak out. She quickly bends down and grabs the book that fell.  
 _Idiot!_ "No really, it's ok. Thank you though I got it."  
"You're Tobias Eaton, right? I'm Beatrice Prior." I bow my head slightly in her direction.  
"It's nice to meet you Beatrice," I say in my best polite Abnegation voice- it's the only voice I can find.

Instead of the normal Abnegation greeting though, I am met with narrowed eyes. "Why were you staring at me? In the hall today, at school."  
"I, uh. Well, you see. It's umm..." I can't even think right now, so I just sort of lower my face a little bit in defeat, and feel that fire again. I can't believe how hard it is to concentrate when I feel like I could burst into flames at any second.  
It takes all the courage I can muster, but I respond with, "Why were you staring at me on the bus?"

It seems impossible, but her eyes narrow even more. She stares at me for a few seconds while I nervously glance everywhere but where she is. She finally relaxes her face and gives a small approving nod.  
"Tobias. Would you walk me home please?"  
 _What?_ My eyes meet hers, and finally, she returns my small smile with one of her own. I manage to stammer out a quiet "Yes," before we turn and walk towards our houses together.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It's been two months since we first talked, and every day since, I have walked her to and from the bus. We live only three houses away, except on opposite sides of the street, so it's not hard to seem like we are casually meeting up with each other instead of purposely. We make the usual small talk when other people are around. Every now and then she lets go a little bit, only when we manage to get a few minutes alone of course, but I can always see that fire in her eyes and feel it in the small stolen moments when she touches me. Beatrice is not like the other Abnegation.

"Beatrice?" I slow my pace one day after school, allowing the others to go ahead of us so I won't be overheard. I notice her brother Caleb look over his shoulder at me. I can't tell, mostly because the Abnegation don't often show their emotions on their faces, but I'm certain he doesn't like me. "Is your brother okay with us being together? I mean, not together  _together_ , but like-" I trail off.

_Smooth as always, Tobias._

"Caleb is fine. He tried to have some sort of 'big brother' talk with me a few weeks after you started walking me home. I let him know that we were only friends."

 _Only friends._ That she said it so matter-of-factly just stabs me right in the gut. She only sees me as her friend. Any of the courage I had built up in recent days just drained out of me, until I feel the tiny squeeze of her fingers on mine. I sneak a quick glance at her, and there is something there. Something else besides that fire.  _Go for it._ I tell myself.

"So I didn't just call you back here to ask about your brother," I say. I'm so nervous and suddenly aware that my hands are sweating and trembling slightly that I shove them into my pockets before she notices.  
"Oh?" She stops walking and looks directly into my eyes.  
"No. I uh, well, I was just wondering-"

I can't do it. My legs feel like jelly and my tongue is twelve sizes too big for my mouth and she's so beautiful and she's right here looking into my eyes and  
I  
can't  
speak.

She takes a step closer. This is not helping me at all.

"What Tobias? You can ask me anything," she says in a barely audible whisper.  
"Beatrice," I whisper back, "if I asked you to sneak out with me tonight, would you?"

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it. I see her body tense and I know I've made a mistake. I immediately look down at the ground, hands still in my pockets, and start kicking at the rocks around us. I swear an infinity has passed before I am able to look back up.

"Listen Beatrice, I was just kid-"  
"Yes."  
"Yes?"  
She smiles a bit. "Yes."  
"Okay then. I will come get you at 11. I know the city lights will be off and everyone will be in bed by 10, but wait in between your house and the one closest to mine, just to be safe."  
"Okay."

We quickly walk towards our houses, trying to act as though we didn't just agree to break almost every rule set by our faction. I'm not sure I have ever felt this kind of happiness in all of my 18 years. I can't help but smile the small walk from Beatrice's house to mine.  _She said yes._ If it were possible, I would be floating right now.

"What took you so long?"

His voice rings out into the empty house, and it sends a chill down my spine. The joy I was feeling not two seconds ago drains right out of me. In my blissful state, I had completely forgotten that today was the day my father would be home early form work. I try to remain as calm and collected as I can, showing no traces that I was ever happy in the first place.

"Was I long?" I say in the most normal voice I can find.  
"Yes. You are five minutes late. Where were you Tobias?" my father asks.

_THINK QUICK._

"There was a girl and the entire sole of her shoe fell off right when we got off the bus and I was just trying to help her get it back on long enough for her to make it home. I didn't realize it took that long. I'm sorry."  
I hope that was convincing enough.  
"Oh," he says while raising one eyebrow. "And what exactly were  _you_  able to do about it, Tobias?"

_Not enough._

"I remembered that there was one shoe lying on a windowsill in the corner of the Factionless area we walk through on our way home. I ran back and took the lace out of it to tie around her shoe to help hold it together."

_There really is a shoe there. I have to remember to take that lace out tonight._

He looks me up and down, deciding if I am telling the truth or not. "Right. Well, hurry up and do your chores then. You've already wasted 10 minutes between saving a shoe and having to tell me about it. We are having guests tonight so make sure dinner will feed 6."

Just like that, I am dismissed.

I let out a small sigh of relief when I get into the kitchen. I have lied to my father before, but never like that. This is a lie that involves someone else. A fictional someone else. I clear my mind and take out chicken, potatoes, carrots and bread for 6 before getting started on my chores.

* * *

I am setting the last place when there is a small knock at the door. I head to the kitchen to wait for my fathers orders to bring the food and drink to the table. I had assumed that our guests would be work associates of my fathers, but I hear a familiar voice. And then another. And another.  _It's her._ I panic. It's only then that I realize there are six place setting. I am actually invited to dinner. Normally I am not allowed anywhere near my fathers work associates. Andrew Prior and my father work together, but the fact that his whole family is here has me so confused that I miss my fathers cue.

" _Boy!"_  My father ekes out in a tone quiet enough for only me to hear, but with enough force to know that I've already made him look bad in his eyes.  
"Sorry! I was thinking about the serving order. Drinks first?" I ask innocently.  
"That will be fine."

That's two bullets I've managed to dodge today.

I grab the pitcher of water and make my way around the table. Beatrice and Caleb keep their eyes down and their hands in their laps, as every Abnegation child does, while my father and Mr. Prior talk work. I am across from Beatrice, pouring water into my own glass when out of the corner of my eye I see her give me a quick glance. I knew she was different when we were all alone, defiant even, but this is unheard of territory. I pray my father does not notice.

We are well into dinner when the first thing worth listening to happens.

"Marcus, you do know that we are trying everything we can to get Jeanine Matthews to stop publishing those horrible stories, don't you?"

 _Horrible stories?_  I'm never allowed near enough to hear the things my father discusses with his associates, and he refuses the morning paper, so this is all news to me. I try as best as I can to eat slow without being noticed.

"Now Andrew, I appreciate the thought, but I know what is true, and what is not. I will not allow Ms. Matthews to get under my skin."  
"But Marcus, your private life is your own and-"  
"Andrew," my father says while raising a hand to stop him there, "we all know they aren't true. She is just trying to stir up her people because she thinks she should be a part of the government. If she can make me look bad, she thinks she can get her way. I will not be bullied by her."  
"Well, I wish you would reconsider the offer. Anyone with eyes can see what a handsome, well adjusted son you have."

I know I was pretending to be indifferent to the conversation that was going on right in front of me, but it's this statement that trips me up. I drop my fork and look up at Mr. Prior, then at my father. Although his face isn't showing it, I can see the seething rage brewing in my fathers eyes.

"Yes, well, thank you Andrew. But I am firm on my position. I will not stoop to her level. Tobias?"  
"Yes Sir?"  
"I think we are all finished with dinner. You can clear the dishes now."  
"Yes Sir."

I stand and start clearing plates. I'm already at the sink when I feel it. I turn around and she is right there, dishes in hand. She must see the worry in my eyes because she quickly says "Don't worry. I got permission to help you clean up."  
"Beatrice," I say as quietly as possible, "did you know you were coming here tonight?"  
"No. They must have made the plans today. I would have let you know if I could have."  
"It's fine. Later, okay?"  
"Okay," she says with a smile.

We clean the rest of the dishes together in silence. The first time she touches my hand while transferring dishes, I think it's an accident. But by the third time, I know it's deliberate. Every touch is electricity and fire, and I want more. I feel like it's over as soon as it began, and I laugh a little to myself that this is the first time I am disappointed there are no more dishes.

We dry our hands and head out to the living room where our families are seated. I take a seat next to my father, Beatrice next to her mother. They look alike, although she has her fathers gray eyes. I have noticed how they change colors based on her moods. Darker when that fire is burning behind them, lighter when she is being a good Abnegation girl.

"Isn't that right Tobias?"  
"What?" Great. My father just asked me a question, and I was too busy staring at Beatrice to notice. "I'm sorry," I say. "I was just planning dinner for tomorrow in my head and I didn't hear you."  
I can see the irritation in my fathers eyes, but he believes me. "I was just telling the Prior's how incredibly selfless you were today. How you saved a young girl and her shoe."

_Oh no._

"What was the girls name again...?"

_I thought he bought the story. Think Tobias. THINK._

"It was my shoe."  
I know I am not hiding the look of total shock on my face, but thankfully my father is looking at Beatrice. Her mother however, is looking right at me.

"Is that right?" My father says. His tone, while still pleasant to outsiders, I know has completely changed. This is the tone my father takes when he knows I am lying. And now we are both lying.  
"Yes. I was very thankful that Tobias was right there when it happened. It would have been quite a walk with only one shoe."

I see his eyes slowly make their way over her and land upon her shoes.  
"It seems to me that your shoes are in working order now. Did you have another pair?"

I know why he is asking. He is looking for any excuse to catch me in the lie. He knows she only has one pair of shoes, like every other Abnegation. I look down, about to confess because it seems as though there is no other way out of this situation when-  
"No. I repaired them when she got home. It's something I learned working with the Factionless. Tobias' shoe lace wrap was just enough for her to make it home."

 _Natalie?_  Her mother just lied. For me.

"Well then, thank God for that. We wouldn't want your daughter walking around with only one shoe."  
He gives a fake chuckle, and although he is still skeptical, he won't question an adult.

A short. and thankfully uneventful time later, the Priors get up to say their goodbyes. I offer to walk them all out to the front porch while my father excuses himself to his bedroom. Caleb eyes me carefully. While he did not say anything, I have a feeling he knows. I thank him for coming over before moving onto Mr. Prior. He thanks me for my hospitality and a wonderful dinner, before I thank him for coming over too. He puts his arm around Caleb as they walk home. I wish I had a father like Andrew.

Before I can thank her, Natalie raises her hand to stop me. "Tobias, you are a good person. I don't know what happened after school today, and I don't want to. But if you ever need anything, just know we are here for you." She touches my shoulder softly, a searching look in her eyes. She doesn't pity me. No. I feel like she knows. I feel my face flush, and I thank her for everything. She nods her head the way the Abnegation always do. "I'll give you two a minute."

I watch her walk off towards the Prior house. What an amazing woman. I wish I had a mother like her. I wish I had a mother. I feel Beatrice's fingertips on mine briefly and it brings me back to the moment.

"Why did you lie for me?" I ask.  
"The stories are true, aren't they?"

I turn towards her and see that same look in her eyes that was in her mothers. I don't want to tell her. Some things should be kept secret. But she is the only person who has ever cared about me and I don't want to lie to her either.  
"Later," I say. "But listen. If I'm not out by 11:10, go back inside. There's always a chance I won't be able to come out."  
I don't need to elaborate. I can see in the small smile and nod she gives me that she already knows why. I don't go back in until I see her safely inside her own house.


	3. Chapter 3

10:55 p.m.

I know my father is asleep; I can hear him snoring. I never got undressed, so I only have to worry about putting on my shoes. I decide it's best if I take them with me rather than try to put them on inside. I'm lucky that our house doesn't have any floorboards that creak, because with the luck I have, I would hit every single one. The door isn't locked, this is Abnegation after all, so with one swift movement, I am outside. I am free. I quickly take a look around. Deserted as always. I put on my shoes and head over to Beatrice's. My eyes haven't adjusted yet, but I can make out the faint tiny silhouette. She made it.

"Hey," she says. I can tell she is a little nervous, but even in the shadows I can see that fire burning in her eyes.  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask her. "You don't have to you know. I would understand if you wanted to go back inside."  
"No. I want to go. Where are we going anyways?"  
"It's a surprise," I say with a big grin.

It's a full moon tonight, so even with no city lights on, we are still highly visible. First things first. We head towards the Factionless area that we walk through every day to get to the bus so I can grab that shoelace. I know my father will look for it.

"Tobias, I'm not sure we should be here at night."  
"Just wait right here for me. I'll be two minutes." I run as fast as my legs allow, and sure enough, the boot is still there. I rip the lace out and place the shoe back where I found it.  
Beatrice give me a quizzical look when I come running back and I hold up the shoelace. "Ah," She says.

It felt good to run; to be free. To not have a care for anything other than this moment. It must be the adrenaline coursing through me because without a second thought, I grab her hand and pull her towards me. "Ready?"  
She gives me a small nod. I take a left and we head towards the train tracks, following them to the Amity compound. I don't know exactly how long it will take us to get there on foot, but I don't care. In this moment, there is nothing but the moon and the stars and her, and that's all I need.

I never realized how close Abnegation was to the borders of Amity. Within 30 minutes, we can see the orchards coming into view.

"Amity?" She says with a little doubt.  
"I thought that perhaps our first excursion out should be to the one faction that seems to allow it's people the most freedom."  
"Our  _first_  excursion?" she says with a smile.  
I can't help but smile back.

The first orchard we make it to is apple trees. I survey the trees a bit and jump up to the first low branch I can grab, and haul myself up.  
"Tobias!" She whispers "Are you crazy?"  
"What? I just thought we could use a snack," I say, tossing her an apple.  
"What if someone sees you?"  
"Shh. Stop worrying so much. I'm coming down now."  
I can see the vague outline of roofs and I point them out to her. "Let's go this way then if it would make you feel better."  
She nods and we head off in the opposite direction.

We walk for a while in the warm summer breeze, surveying the skies and pointing out constellations.  
"Do you hear that?" She whispers.  
"Hear what?"  
"Be quiet and listen!"  
We stop walking and I strain to hear what she's hearing. "Beatrice, I don't hear anything."  
"Come on. It's this way."

She grabs my hand and leads me towards whatever it is she hears. This is the second time tonight we have held hands. It's just as electric as the first time, and I feel my heart skip a beat when I finally hear it.

"Is that...splashing?" I ask her.  
"Yeah, but I-"

_SPLOOSH._

She starts to laugh. "Well, I guess I found where it was coming from!" There's a pond here. The splashing was fish breaking the surface to catch bugs. "Look over there. Is that a dock?" she asks, excitedly.  
And before I know it, we are racing each other to get there first.

"My sock is wet," she says as she plops down on the dock.  
"Give it here," I say as I sit next to her.  
"My sock?"  
"No, your feet. Put them here."  
I see her pause for a moment, but she places both her feet in my lap. I grab the hem of her skirt and slowly start to lift it up towards her shins.  
"Tobias I-"  
"Beatrice. Do you trust me?"  
She hesitates before answering. "Yes."  
I move the skirt up to just below her knees to unlace her shoe, and gently pull it off. "You're right. This sock is wet and we can't have a wet sock ruining our night," I joke.

She smiles as I reach up to pull her sock off. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy every second of this. I take my time and unlace the other shoe. This time when I take her sock off, I brush my hands down her leg. Her skin is so soft and pale that it almost glows in the moonlight. I like the way my dark hands look next to her. I can feel her eyes haven't left me the entire time.

"Have you ever heard of skinny dipping?" I ask while pulling the sock off her foot.  
"Skinny dipping?"  
"Yeah. I overheard one of the Amity boys at lunch one day talking about it. Apparently they take all their clothes off and then jump in the water." I'm still looking at her legs, so I can't help but notice them tense up. "Beatrice...would you like to go skinny dipping with me?"  
I look up into her eyes and they are wide. I actually didn't know they could get that big. I can't take it anymore, I laugh.

"Tobias? I, uhh, I'm confused. Why are you laughing?" she says while pulling her legs quickly out of my lap and covering back up.  
"I'm sorry Beatrice. That was mean of me, but I couldn't help it." I'm still cracking up and the look of confusion on her face isn't helping me at all.  
"Can you imagine it? Hundreds of Amity have probably all gotten naked and jumped into this pond right here. And then here we are, two Abnegation covered from head to toe, talking about it. I mean, do they catch these fish and then eat them too?" I laugh at the thought.  
"Tobias!" She squeaks out but I see her stifling a laugh.  
"Oh come on! Tell me the thought of it all isn't hilarious?"  
"Okay, okay. It is pretty funny," she says through a smile.  
"I have an idea," I say. "Let's go skinny dipping, Abnegation style."

Beatrice is still wrapped around herself with a confused look in her eyes when I start to take off my socks and shoes. I roll up my pants and hold my hand out for her. She raises one eyebrow and takes my hand.

"On the count of three."  
"What on the count of three?"  
"Ready?"  
"No!"  
"One..."  
"Tobias!"  
"Two.."  
"What are we doing on three?"  
"THREE!"  
"Tobias! Ahh no!"

I put my feet in the water.

"What did you think we were going to do? Jump in fully clothed?" I say jokingly as I nudge her with my shoulder. She throws her head back in a laugh, pulls up her skirt and plops her feet in with a splash. I've never seen her like this. Well actually, I've never seen anyone like this before, including myself. But there's something about her. She's not like the other girls in Abnegation. She  _wants_  to be different. She gives me the strength to be different too. I've never really even had a friend before, but here I am, joking with and touching the girl I didn't even have the courage to talk to a few months ago. I like who I am when I'm with her.

She leans back on her hands and looks up at the stars; I join her.

"Tobias. Can I ask you something?"  
"You can ask me anything."  
"Is it true?"

I sigh. I should have known she would bring it up. After all, I did say that I would tell her later. Truthfully, I had hoped that she would think later meant 20 years from now. I sit up and move close enough to her that our thighs are touching. She sits up too, and when I turn to look at her, our faces are only inches apart.

"Beatrice," I say barely louder than a whisper, "I know I said I would tell you, and I will, I promise. But not now. Tonight is about good memories; Me and you. I don't want to ruin it, okay?"

I can tell by the look in her eyes that she is disappointed, but she doesn't press any further. "Okay."

I feel around behind me until I find the apples. "Dinner?" I say as I hand her one.  
"Skinny dipping  _and_  dinner? What a gentleman you are, Tobias," she says with a smirk.  
We sit in silence for a while, eating our apples.

"Tobias?"  
"Yeah."  
"Thank you."  
"For what?"  
"Giving me the freedom I have always wanted." She looks me in the eyes as she says this, and I know she means it.  
"You're welcome, Beatrice."  
"How did you know?"  
"Know what?"  
"That I would say yes."  
"I didn't."

She's still looking into my eyes still when I see that fire ignite. It's then that I realize that fire might actually be for me, and before I can even form another thought, she's kissing me. It's quick and it's on my cheek, dangerously close to my lips. She pulls away quickly, shy and a little embarrassed I think. I smile and lean in close to her, placing my hand behind her; holding her without touching. We make small talk, but mostly we sit in silence, enjoying our small escape.

"We should start heading back. It's almost 4 a.m.," I say, breaking the comfortable silence we were in.  
"Okay," she says with a tone of defeat in her voice. We gather our sock and shoes and slowly put ourselves back together. "I don't want this night to end."  
"Me either," I say. It's true. This is the best night of my life. I would give anything for it to last forever.

I hold my hand out and she takes it. This time we walk hand in hand back through the Amity fields, back towards the train tracks and back to our Abnegation lives. But this time, our Abnegation lives will be better because they contain each other.

"Goodnight Ms. Prior. Or should I say good morning?" I say, smiling and giving a little bow.  
"Either, because both are true," She grins.  
"Okay then. Goodnight Beatrice. Try to get a little sleep."  
"Good morning Tobias. You too," she says with a little wink.

I make sure she gets in her house before heading to my own. Absolutely nothing could bring me down from this cloud I'm on. Not only did I finally manage the courage to ask her out, s _he_ kissed  _me._ I mean, it was only on the cheek, but I can't help but think of her lips possibly being on mine. I'm so distracted with my thoughts as I walk in the door I don't even notice him sitting in the chair.


	4. Chapter 4

"Where were you  _boy?_ " Marcus snarls through gritted teeth. The extra emphasis on  _boy_  reminds me that even though I am 18 and technically an adult, I am beneath him and still have to obey his every command, obey his every wish. Make him look like the prime model citizen. The perfect government lawmaker who follows every single rule. But there is no point in lying now. I have been caught and the punishment will be severe.

"Out," I say, bluntly.  
"Out? OUT! You think you are going to live under my roof and then just go  _out_  and do whatever in the hell you please? Do you know who I am? Do you know what kind of example I set for these people? A perfect one! But  _you_ ," he hisses, " _you_  think you are above the rules set by your faction. Sneaking out to make me look bad? Giving the Erudite more fuel for the fire? You would like that, wouldn't you?"  
"No."  
"No  _what?_ "  
"No  _Sir._ "

I would like to say I regret giving the word  _Sir_  a certain arrogant emphasis, but I don't. I am already in for punishment, but it was enough to set him off. No sooner had the words left my mouth, and his fist connects with it; then my eye; then my nose. He stops mid-swing and composes himself. I lie on the floor, caught off guard because he never hits my face; never leaves evidence. I'm certain at this point my nose is broken. It's definitely bleeding and my eye is already swelling shut.

"Clean up your mess and get to your room," he barks.

As I'm cleaning up my own blood off of the floor, I can hear him rummaging through his closet. I know what he's looking for. My father has a wide selection of belts for being Abnegation. Perks of the job he holds. The one he wants is thick, but very narrow; black; large silver buckle. He only uses it on special occasions. I head to my room when I am finished and remove my shirt. As he walks in I make sure to look him directly in the eye before turning and bracing myself against my dresser.

"This is for your own good."

* * *

**Beatrice**

I close the door and lean back against it, taking a minute to make sure my family is still asleep before I head upstairs to my room. "What am I doing?" I say out loud as I climb in bed. I just snuck out of my house, snuck into another faction, stole their food and kissed a boy.  _I kissed a boy_. I smile at the thought. I do like this boy.

"Tobias Eaton," I say. I even like his name and the way it sounds when I say it. I blush a little at the thought of everything we did tonight.  _How very Abnegation of me_  I think as I drift off to sleep.

"Beatrice? Are you feeling okay?"  
I can barely open my eyes, but through the fog I see my mother with a worried look on her face. "I'm fine. Why?"  
"It's almost 10 and you're still out cold," she says as she feels my head.

I panic a bit. I should have been up two hours ago to help with breakfast.  
"Oh mom, I'm so sorry. No no, I feel fine. I just.."  _I just what?_ "I just woke up for a bit last night and had a hard time falling back asleep. I didn't realize it was so late or that I was so tired."

Great. Now I can add lying to my mom to the list of things I've done that I shouldn't have.

"It's okay sweetie. Just get dressed. We have to go to help pack boxes for the Factionless today, remember?"  
"I remember. I'll be down in five minutes. Thanks mom."  
She gives me a big smile before she walks out of my room.

I dress quickly and head downstairs. There are two pieces of plain toast and half a grapefruit waiting on the table for me.  
"5 minutes Beatrice," she calls out to me.  
"Thanks mom."

I think about Tobias as I eat. We broke what feels like every rule, and yet, I can't wait to do it again. I must be smiling because I notice Caleb giving me an odd look out of the corner of my eye. I compose myself and push all those thoughts out of my head. Today I must be Abnegation Beatrice. Beatrice the free can come out later when I'm alone with my thoughts.

On our way out the door I look over at Tobias'.  _I hope he made it in safely_  I think as we turn towards the Factionless help center.

* * *

I didn't see Tobias all weekend. It's not unusual, but I had hoped that for once he would come and volunteer to help with the Factionless so we could see each other. But mostly I wanted to make sure he was able to sneak back into his house without any problems. I peek out the window. He is usually stalling around somewhere between our houses waiting for me to come out so we can walk together, but I don't see him. I pretend I forgot something upstairs to buy a little more time.

"Beatrice, are you ready?" my brother says as I start to go up the stairs.  
"I forgot something. I'll be down in a minute."  
He looks at my hands and can see I have all my school books. "What, is Tobias not outside yet?" He half teases, half says with disgust.  
"No. I mean, what do you care anyways? You always walk with Susan."  
"This isn't about me and Susan. I told you Beatrice, that Tobias is bad news. Why is he never out volunteering like the rest of us? Why do the Erudite papers always write about him and his dad? There's something not right in that family and you should stay away."  
"There's nothing wrong with...wait? How do you know what the papers say?"  
"Oh. Umm, I overheard dad once."  
"What did he say?" I ask, even though I'm sure I know the answer already. I have heard things too.  
Caleb leans in and whispers, "That Marcus Eaton is unfit to be in the government because he can't even control his own child and that Tobias is a troublemaker. That's why he's never out with the rest of us."  
"That is not true Caleb and you know it. You see him every day," I say, raising my voice slightly.  
"Shhh. They say other things too, but it doesn't matter. We need to go. Beatrice, you should think about what I just said," he says as he dashes out the door.

_Other things?_

I follow him out, hoping that Tobias will be out already, but he is nowhere to be seen.  _Maybe he is already at the bus stop_  I tell myself. I can't help looking back at his house and see an upstairs curtain moving back into place.

Tobias wasn't at the bus stop. I think about what Caleb said on the way to school. About those  _other things_  and I know in my heart they are true. The Abnegation gossip when they think no one is listening. I have overheard people talk about how much school he misses. That he's the kid of a government official so he gets all sorts of special treatment. The missing days they say are spent lazing about the house and avoiding the responsibilities the rest of us have; I think they are spent hiding.

The ride home from school is long and lonely. I try to think of anything else, but my mind always comes back to him. Funny how I didn't even really know he existed two months ago, and now I can't stand that it's been two days since I saw him. I want to see him. Marcus Eaton should still be at work, so I just need an excuse to go over there and check on Tobias.

"Hey mom?"  
"In the kitchen dear."  
"Tobias was out sick from school today. I know Mr. Eaton is at work all day like dad, so I was wondering if we could maybe make some soup and take it over there?"

The perfect Abnegation excuse.

"Oh sure dear. That sounds like a great plan."  
I love my mom.

Waiting for the soup to be ready hasn't left me much time to get over there before Mr. Eaton gets home. I walk fast, and give a small knock. A minute passes and there is no answer. I knock harder. Nothing. I place my ear to the door and listen. I swear I hear a shuffle, so I call out, "Tobias? It's Beatrice Prior. I brought you some soup." If he's in there, he has to answer the door now. Half the neighbors just heard me. Just as I'm about to open my mouth and really let out a loud yell, I hear "Beatrice?"  
"Oh. Hello Mr. Eaton," I say, slightly startled.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I noticed that Tobias wasn't at school today, so my mother and I made him some soup. I thought that maybe he wasn't feeling well."  
"Oh. Well isn't that sweet of you. Yes, Tobias wasn't feeling well today. I'll go ahead and take this up to him. Tell your mother thank you for me." In one swift motion he grabs the bowl out of my hands and slams the door in my face.

I walk back to my house slowly, glancing back every few steps. It's only when I have reached my house that I see the same upstairs curtain pulled back slightly. Whoever is looking out the window is standing far enough back that I can't see them. I stand on my porch for as long as the curtain is pulled back, waiting. Just then I see a hand touch the window, leaving it as quickly as it went up.

_Tobias._


	5. Chapter 5

**Tobias**

It's my first day back to school since...

I missed a full week, but it wasn't enough time for all of the evidence to disappear. I'm nervous for what people will think; what they'll say. I'm even more nervous about seeing Beatrice. She already suspects what my father does to me, but now she will know for sure. I sigh.  _I'm not ready to share this part of me yet_ I think,  _but if anyone is going to figure it out, I'm glad it's her._  I take a deep breath, gather my things and walk out the door.

I see her waiting for me; she smiles. I love when she smiles. The closer I get to her though, the more her smile starts to fade. I know why. I saw my face this morning when he cut my hair. My eye is still quite purple, and my nose is still slightly swollen, with a small scab on the bridge. And that's only what can be seen. Today is the first day I have been able to wear a shirt or walk without wincing.

"What happened?" she asks, concern flowing through every word.  
"All you need to know is I'm fine."  
"But Tobias, you're not fine."

I notice some of the other children trying to sneak a glance, and a couple heading out to their jobs I assume. I see the man quickly point, the woman whisper. So I do the only thing I can do, I stand still and close my eyes, allowing them to take it all in. I feel Beatrice reach out and run her thumb gently under my eye, her hand coming to rest on my cheek. This simple act makes it all go away, if only momentarily.

"I'm so sorry Tobias. This is all my fault."  
I open my eyes, looking directly into hers. "What? Don't you think for one minute you had anything to do with this."  
"If I wouldn't have said yes, you wouldn't have got caught."  
"Nonsense. I asked you, remember? And hey, it was the best night of my life. I wouldn't change a thing, understand?" I say, smiling. She closes her eyes and nods. "Let's get going. People are really starting to notice us now."

We walk towards the bus in silence. Just before we reach the waiting group of Abnegation, she grabs my hand and pulls me to a stop.  
"He shouldn't be able to get away with this. I could say something to my parents. Maybe you could stay with us and-"  
"Beatrice. I appreciate it, I really do. But it's okay, really. The choosing ceremony is only two weeks away. I can handle two more weeks."  
"Okay."

I receive stares all day long. Mostly from the other factions, although I do catch a few Abnegation looking when they think they can't be seen. I know what they're all thinking.  _The Erudite stories are true._  They are, but it wasn't something they needed to know. I've managed to be polite and ignore the stares and hushed whispers as I walk through the halls, but by lunch I've reached my breaking point. I sit at the Abnegation table trying to fight back the tears when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey. Let's get out of here."  
"Beatrice? What are you doing? Don't you have class now?"  
"Don't worry about it. Come on," she says with a bit of force.  
I don't question her again and get up.

We walk out of the cafeteria, turning down a few halls, before she stops in front of a door.  
"In here," she says as she looks around. We slip into what looks like an empty classroom, only it's filled with supplies.

"How are you doing?" she asks as she closes the door.  
"How did you know nobody would be here?"  
"Please stop avoiding the question."  
I take in a deep breath, exhaling slowly before answering. "Honestly? Not that great. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. How did you know to come and get me?"  
"I just thought if it were me, I would want to be with someone I trust rather than sit around and have a bunch of people I don't know stare and make assumptions."  
I don't know how she does it. "Thank you."

"Well, there's another reason too."  
"Okay...," I say, warily.  
"I wanted to talk in private and I wasn't sure we would get that chance at home. What did you mean when you said you could handle two more weeks?"  
"Beatrice, I'm not sure that I-"  
"Are you planning on leaving Abnegation?" she says so bluntly my jaw drops.  
"No. I mean, I haven't even taken the test yet, but no. Why?"  
She sighs. "Tobias, you're my first true friend and the first person I've ever really cared about, and, well, I just needed to know now, you know, just in case."

I blush a little. I had figured that she at least liked me a little bit by now, but to hear her say it out loud makes it more real.

"Beatrice, I promise that I would never do anything to hurt you. I only meant that after I take the test, I will get to choose a job and I can ask to be assigned a new home. I won't have to live with him anymore."  
She gives me a small quick smile, but her eyes are searching me for any indication I might be lying. "Okay," she says before grabbing a new package of paper and a few pens. I raise an eyebrow at her.  
"What? How did you think I got out of class?"

_Beatrice, you never cease to amaze me._

* * *

I stand in front of the mirror allowing my father to cut my hair. I can see that my face has finally healed. He takes special care with the clippers to make sure he does not cut my ears. Ironic considering the state my back is still in. He finishes and puts the clippers down.

"Clean up your mess. We leave in 10 minutes," he orders as he leaves the room.

I place the clippers carefully back in their box and close the wall, hiding them and the mirror. As I sweep my hair off the ground, I think about how this may be the last time I have to do this. We're leaving to go to the Aptitude Administration Center. Sometime today I will take my test, and tomorrow I will choose. I don't know exactly what will happen after today, but I do know that I will choose to leave this life no matter what. He will control me no more.

I sit in the waiting room with all of the other 18 year olds and wait for my name to be called. I'm nervous, so I think about Beatrice and what could happen after the choosing ceremony. Abnegation usually choose a partner soon after the choosing ceremony to spend the rest of their lives with. I think, no, I know I would choose her if we were the same age. But why can't I wait? There are some Abnegation out there who choose to never marry, stating that their devotion to selflessness won't even allow for them to have a family. I could wait. I feel a little guilty making all these plans when I'm not even sure if she would want to spend the rest of her life with me. Just because I choose her doesn't mean she chooses me. I look around at the other Abnegation girls waiting, and I don't know any of them. I mean, I know some of their names, but I don't  _know_  them. I'm trying to imagine spending the rest of my life with one of them when-

"Eaton, Tobias?"  
I stand. "Yes M'am?"  
"You're next. Come on."

The woman administering my test is clearly from Dauntless. Her black clothes match her long dark hair which is shaved on one side of her head. She has a blue tattoo that looks like waves on one of her arms. I stare at it and wonder if she transferred from Erudite.

"Please, sit here. My name is Tori," she says as she holds her hand out towards me. This is the Dauntless greeting we learned about in school, so I place my hand in hers. She has a firm grip and gives me a quick handshake. "Now, I'm going to place these electrodes on your head. Don't worry, it won't hurt. Then you will drink this liquid and the test will begin within thirty seconds. Its all very simple and safe. The simulation should run for no more than five minutes. Afterwards you will take about a minute to wake up and become aware that the simulation is over. You won't remember much from the simulation. I will read what the computer says and then give you your results. Do you have any questions?" I shake my head no. "Good. Lie back and relax."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as she sticks an electrode on each side of my head.  
"Okay. Bottoms up!" she says as she hands me the liquid.

* * *

"Tobias? Are you with me yet?" I hear as the world slowly comes back into focus.  
"Yeah. I'm here," I say as I blink out the last of the fuzziness. I see Tori finally, and I can tell by the look on her face, this can't be a good thing.  
"What do you remember about the test Tobias?"  
"Not a lot. I remember a dog and I think I had to kill it. And a man on a bus. He wanted my help with something but I can't really remember with what. Why? Did I do something wrong?" I say, trying to remain calm. The look on her face hasn't changed.  
She leans in close and whispers, "Your results were inconclusive."  
"I don't, does that mean I failed?"

 _How could I possibly fail a test like this_  I think.

"No," she says, still whispering. "What I am about to tell you is very important so listen closely. Your results came back the way they did because you tested positively for more than one faction. They call it Divergent."  
"Divergent?" I say, still in a bit of shock. "Why don't they teach us this in school? I didn't even know it was possible to have more than one result."

"Because the system doesn't like Divergents. They want you to be able to be controlled by one faction alone to keep you complacent with your life and to never question anything. Those that test positive for more than one faction are therefore deemed dangerous and are dealt with accordingly. Do you understand what I am telling you?" she says slowly, looking into my eyes.

I nod. "I think so."  
"Tobias, you must keep it a secret in order to stay safe. Your results were for both Abnegation and Dauntless."

_Dauntless?_

"I can make it so the test results show only one. Which would you like me to put?"  
"Abnegation," I blurt out quickly. Of course it's Abnegation. I'm not Dauntless. I am weak. I could never be one of them. I don't even have the courage to stand up to my own father.

Tori types a few things into a computer before she stands and walks towards a door I didn't even notice. As she opens it she says, "Remember Mr. Eaton to not discuss your results with anyone. Take this time to think about your choice tomorrow. Please arrive at The Hub no later than 4:30, the ceremony starts at 5." She escorts me out the door and I see an Erudite man standing just outside, holding a clipboard. She walks over to him and I see her say the words  _Eaton. Abnegation._

 _Dauntless?_ I think as I walk out of the building.  _How is that even possible? The two factions that are the most opposite, and the test says I should be a part of both._ I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't even notice my father approaching. He claps me on the shoulder, hard.

"Let's go," he says with his permanent public fake smile. Everyone will be watching him; always the model citizen. The Abnegation may always keep their heads down, but they still see.

He practically shoves me through the door when we get home.  
"What were your results?"  
"We aren't supposed to talk about it," I say.  
He slaps me. Hard. "Dammit boy. You will tell me your results right now!" He shouts, eyes wild.  
"Abnegation," I stammer out.  
"Good. Good. And what will you be choosing tomorrow?"  
"Abnegation." I'm not entirely sure why, but I say it in a way that makes it sound more like a question than an answer.

He is strong and quick, and one hand is suddenly on my throat while the other is ripping my shirt off. He shoves me to the floor and starts to remove his belt.  
"I'm going to ask you one more time, what will you be choosing tomorrow?"  
"Abnegation! I choose Abnegation!"

"That's right. Abnegation is where you belong. You are too weak to belong anywhere else. And who would want you anyways? Nobody. You would be Factionless in an instant. Instead you will stay here with me. You will take the job I choose for you. You will take the wife I choose for you. You will be the model citizen I tell you to be. Understand?"  
"Yes Sir," I say as I fight back tears.

He raises his belt. "What faction will you choose tomorrow?"  
"Abnegation," I say as he brings the belt down on me.


	6. Chapter 6

I lie in bed unable to sleep, so I cry. Not just for the pain searing through my back, but for my future. My father has it all planned out for me. He will make sure I am never able to be free of him. He will find me a job where he can keep an eye on me; choose a wife for me that will report back to him. I think about my results and wonder what it is inside of me that would fit into Dauntless. Nothing. They would eat me alive. I could always become Factionless. But since Abnegation is the only faction that deals with them, I'm sure my father would find a way to control me there as well. I let out a long sigh, wishing I could turn over. I know from experience though that lying on my back is a big mistake. I bury my face in my pillows and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day.

* * *

We arrive at The Hub at precisely 4:30. We gather with the other Abnegation and take the long silent journey up the stairs. When we reach the top my father places his arm around me and wishes me luck before taking his seat. As I watch him walk away, a feeling burns deep inside of me. Hatred.  _I hate my father_. No. Father is too good for him. He is no father. He is a monster.

It's time for us to line up inside.

I am thankful that we stand with our backs to the audience. A man dressed in black approaches the podium.  
"I would like to welcome everyone to this years choosing ceremony. My name is Max, and if you couldn't tell already, I am from Dauntless."

The Dauntless in the crowd let out a huge roar, pumping their fists and stomping their feet.  _Is this what they do there?_  I imagine being a member of Dauntless for a brief moment, stomping my feet and cheering just because someone said the word Dauntless. I am snapped back to reality by Max's laugh.

"Okay, okay! Now, we are not known for fancy speeches, so I'll get right to it! Today is your day of choosing. We trust that you will be brave and stand by your choice. Faction before blood. Let the ceremony begin!" There are some claps and words of encouragement muttered when Max calls out, "Zern, Willow."

A very tall and dark skinned girl from Amity nervously approached the stage. Max hands her a knife and she takes her place in front of the semi-circle of large metal bowls. Each bowl is filled with an element representing each faction. Soil for Amity, stone for Abnegation, glass for Candor, lit coals for Dauntless and water for Erudite. She lifts the knife and presses it gently into her other hand, making a small slice. She takes a step forward and allows the blood to fall onto the soil, pledging her life away to her chosen faction.

I try to take slow deep breaths because as each name is called, it's one step closer to mine.

 _Rogers, Melissa._  Candor.  
 _Potts, Matthew._  Erudite.  
 _Monroe, Eric._  Dauntless.

Most factions give quiet congratulations as each new member joins their chosen faction. Not Dauntless. Every new or returning member receives an astounding round of applause, cheers and heartfelt welcomes. I never thought of the Dauntless like this. They're always portrayed as violent; cold and uncaring. A small smile finds its way onto my face at the thought of them being one giant family just like the rest of us. I'm lost in the moment of watching everyone choose their new lives when I am startled out of my thoughts.

_Eaton, Tobias._

I make my way on stage. Max hands me a new knife and wishes me luck as I take my place in front of the bowls. I look left at the Abnegation section and spot my father instantly. His eyes look like black, empty bottomless pits from up here, but I know they are not empty. If I looked a little harder, I could see the hate that fills them all the way up here. I place the knife against my hand, but I am distracted by all the movement to my right. I see them there, carefree; wild even. Everything I am not. Everything I could never be. I look back to my father and I no longer have to look hard for that hate. The realization I have taken longer than anyone else to not only choose, but make the initial cut sets in. I can see his jaw clenching and unclenching; his eyes narrowing. They move from mine, to the Abnegation bowl and back. I stand with the knife against my hand, unmoving. Again he looks at the Abnegation bowl, this time making fists as his eyes come back to mine. I feel the sting of the beating I took last night on my back and my nervousness turns into rage. I dig the knife deep into my hand and close my eyes. I know the Abnegation bowl sits all the way on my left just like my faction, so I keep my eyes closed. I thrust my hand out and allow my blood to pledge my life away as the others have done before me. I hear the roar coming all the way from my right as I open my eyes and watch my blood drip onto the lit coals.

Max takes the knife with a smile, congratulating me as I join my new faction.  _My new faction._ I make my way over to them and am bombarded by cheers and slaps on my shoulders. The pain is unbearable, but I don't care. The adrenaline coursing through me right now is enough to take the edge off. I make my way to the back of the crowd and look towards my father. I see him sitting there with a look of disbelief on his face as some of the other Abnegation give him words of comfort, and it makes me smile. Not only did I free myself of him, but I finally was able to hurt him in the worst way possible. Transferring from Abnegation almost never happens, but to transfer to Dauntless? Unheard of.

Finally my father looks over at me. I can tell by the look on his face if there were no one else in this room, I would be dead right now. I smile even bigger knowing he can't touch me, and I think about what Max said.  _Faction before blood._ I look at the sea of black surrounding me; this is my family now. He is dead to me. My Fath-  _Marcus_ is nothing. I am no longer defined by him. I make my own choices.

As soon as The Choosing Ceremony ends, the Dauntless take off running. I have no idea what's happening, but I know I don't want to be left behind. I run as fast as my legs allow, falling only slightly behind the crowd. They push through the other factions to climb the train tracks. My Abnegation upbringing is proving this to be difficult; I fight the urge to apologize to every person I run into. I remember the cut on my hand when it's my turn to climb the metal beams that lead to the tracks. I know the Dauntless are thrill seekers, but what's wrong with taking the stairs? As I stand looking up to the platform I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Not such a stiff after all then?"  
"Oh, uh Tori, right?"  
"Yeah and you better get climbing if you want to pass your first test," she says with a wink as she starts to climb.  
I take a deep breath and climb, ignoring the pain. It's actually easier than I thought it would be. I stand with the others and wait as the train approaches.

"Initiates! Follow me!" Max yells as he starts running alongside the tracks. We fall in line and jump into the open cars one after another; it was easier than I expected it to be. The wind blows strong through the car; it feels like freedom. I think about my life in Abnegation as we wind towards the Dauntless compound. There was absolutely nothing there for me. I'm glad I left. The only thing worth staying for was Beatrice.

_Beatrice._

My heart beats so hard at the thought of her name it hurts.

What will she think? The Abnegation will be arriving home shortly and I won't be among them. I close my eyes and hope that she will understand. I picture her in my mind one last time, and try to forget my memories with her. There's no going back to her, no going back on my choice.

_Faction before blood._

I am Dauntless now.

* * *

**Beatrice**

Anyone can volunteer to be there to help when the new transfers arrive after choosing day. The Abnegation initiation is very simple. The older members will wash the feet of the initiates, cleansing them of all discretions made in their past. The male and female initiates are then taken to their respective dorms, where they will stay for 30 days while they perform community service with the Factionless. Afterwards they will be welcomed into the faction with large dinner ceremony shared by all.

Today I volunteered with my mother to help gather the water in hopes that I could be there to see Tobias' initiation. I stare at the water and think about our skinny-dipping adventure while we wait for them to arrive.

The first people through the door are the elders who take their places in front of the wooden benches. They kneel and I watch as the new members enter. One by one they take their place on the bench as the elders remove their shoes. Everyone is Abnegation already, except one Amity girl; the door closes after her. My heart skips a beat as I realize she was the last initiate. I scan the bench thinking I somehow missed Tobias, but I didn't. My Mother gives me a small nudge with her elbow and I move into action. I bow to the Amity girl and pour the water into her bowl. My hands tremble slightly as I place the empty pitcher back in it's place. I find my mothers eyes and she gives me a small smile.

We walk home in silence. I should be helping Caleb start dinner, but instead my mom takes my hand and walks me to my room. "Beatrice, I'm sorry. I know how much you cared for Tobias"  
I know it's selfish of me, but I ask her anyways. "Do you think it's possible to find out what happened?"  
She sighs. "It will probably take a long time to find out for sure, but I promise you I will try, okay?"  
"Okay."  
She starts to leave, but I stop her. "Mom? Can I ask you something?"  
"Sure sweetie. Anything."  
"Why did you lie to Mr. Eaton that day?"

I've never seen my mom sad, but the way her face looks at my question, I think I already know the answer.  
She gives me a small kiss on my forehead and a looks at me for a long time before saying, "Sometimes you just know it's the right thing to do." She squeezes my hands. "Take a minute before you come down."

I sit on my bed and think about Abnegation. About Tobias and his father. The Amity pond that night. But mostly I think of the promise he made me.  
 _I promise that I would never do anything to hurt you.  
_ I was selfish for believing him.  
 _I will never be selfish again._


	7. Chapter 7

**Two Years Later – Beatrice**

I sit with my brother at the table and try to have some breakfast. Caleb munches away at his toast while he reads the paper. I've never understood why he enjoys reading about the awful things they say.

"Are you nervous?" My mother asks.  
"No," I lie.  
"Good. You shouldn't be. Caleb?"  
"Huh what? Oh, I'm sorry mom. No. I'm not nervous." I believe him.

He folds the paper, and a picture catches my eye. Marcus Eaton. Caleb sees me staring.  
"They're talking about Tobias in this one again," he says. "The Erudite are saying Marcus Eaton is unfit to be the leader of our government when he can't even control his own child. And that Tobias choosing Dauntless is proof enough of that."

I didn't take long for us to find out what happened to Tobias. Within a matter of days the Erudite were publishing newspaper articles criticizing Marcus Eaton and his lack of control over Tobias. It seems as though they haven't let up in the slightest.

"You shouldn't pry into other peoples business, Caleb," I say. "Those newspapers are full of lies and gossip." I keep my head down and focus on my toast.  
"It's not all lies and gossip. Besides, I like to know what's going on with the different factions. For instance, did you know that the Erudite recently discovered a more efficient way to grow crops? By this time next year, our food output could be doubled, which means more food for the Factionless."  
"Oh that's wonderful," My mother says. She always had a special affinity for the Factionless.  
Caleb's face beams with pride.  
"Let's go Caleb," I say. "We don't want to be late."

We walk in silence to the Aptitude Administration Center. Even though we are 11 months apart, Caleb's birthday allows him and I to be in the same grade. He never lets me forget that he is the eldest, even though we are on equal ground according to society. When we arrive we are seated with the rest of the Abnegation and wait together in silence.

After some time a woman calls out, "Prior, Caleb?" I can't see her from where we are sitting, but I recognize her voice as the same one who has called all of the Abnegation back.  
"I'll wait outside for you," Caleb says.  
"Okay."

I think about what the test might be like. We weren't told much in about it in school, other than to take it very seriously. The only thing I do know for sure is it's fairly quick. People seem to be back there no more than ten minutes.

I look around at the different factions waiting. The Amity are sharing some food and having a laugh. Most of the Erudite have a book with them to read while they wait. The Candor are loud as usual, having a laugh while they play some game that seems to involve trying to lie. The Dauntless are loudest of all. Telling jokes. Jumping over chairs. Punching each other in the arm or leg.  _Is this what Tobias does now,_ I think. As soon as he crosses my mind, I shove him back out. I can't think of that now.

"Prior, Beatrice?" The woman calls for me now. I stand and move towards her voice. "Beatrice? In here please."  
I see her black clothes, tattoos and wild hair and am a bit surprised that someone from Dauntless is administering the tests to the Abnegation.  
"Please, sit down," she says as I enter the room. "My name is Tori." She holds her hand out and I recognize this as the Dauntless greeting. I'm too nervous to try it, so I nod my head at her instead.

"Very well then. Shall we start? I'm going to place these electrodes on your head. Don't worry, it won't hurt. Then you will drink this liquid and the test will begin within thirty seconds. Its all very simple and safe. The simulation should run for no more than five minutes. Afterwards you will take about a minute to wake up and become aware that the simulation is over. You won't remember much from the simulation. I will read what the computer says and then give you your results. Do you have any questions?"

"No M'am."  
She laughs as she starts to put the electrodes on my head. "I appreciate your politeness, but you can call me Tori." She hands me the liquid. "Bottoms up," she says with a smile.

 _She's very friendly for Dauntless_  I think as the simulation takes effect.

* * *

"Beatrice?"  
"Yes," I say rather abruptly.  
"Do you remember anything from your test?"

I don't know if I want to answer this honestly. I remember everything, but the look on her face tells me that is a bad thing. I think she can sense that I'm not about to be completely honest with her.

"It's okay. This is a safe place. You can trust me."  
"I remember everything," I blurt out. "The knife and the cheese. The dog that appeared when I chose neither one. Having to save the girl. The man on the bus with the burned face."  
"Shhh, okay, okay. Beatrice, listen. Your results are extremely unusual," she says as she leans in closer to me.  
"Unusual how?"  
She hesitates a moment before saying, "You tested positive for three factions."  
"Three?" I stammer out. "But...how?"

"They call it Divergent. Almost everyone tests positive for a single faction, but there are some people out there who test positive for two factions." She shifts her eyes a bit. She is definitely nervous. "I don't think three has ever happened before, so listen closely; we only have a few minutes. I can change your results to show only one faction, but you must choose which one. Being divergent is very dangerous, so you must keep it a secret. Do you understand me?"

I nod.

"Your results were Abnegation, Erudite and Dauntless. Abnegation would be the safest place for someone like you, but I will let you choose which test result you want me to put. Quickly though. We don't have much time."

I think about what she said.  _Erudite? Dauntless?_ There really isn't much time to think, so whatever I can do to keep myself safe is the option I must go with.  
"Abnegation."  
"Okay. Give me a minute and then we continue on like normal."

She types a few things into the computer in front of her and then gets up and opens a door hidden in the wall. I glance around and wonder what else is hidden here.

"Remember Ms. Prior to not discuss your results with anyone. Take this time to think about your choice tomorrow. Please arrive at The Hub no later than 4:30, the ceremony starts at 5."  
I stand and thank her. As I leave the room I spot Caleb.  
"It seemed like you were in there forever," he says as he walks up to me.

_Shut up Caleb. Shut up._

A man in a blue suit looks up from his clipboard at Caleb first, then me. I see Tori walk over to him and my first instinct is to flee.  _What if she tells this man my results? She said it's dangerous. What if they take me away somewhere and I can never see my family again?_  I put my head down and start walking, trying to stay as calm as I can. I risk a look back at the man, but he is already busying himself with the next person finishing their test. I let out a small sigh of relief. All I want to do is go home.

* * *

At precisely 4:30 we start the long march up the stairs. After twenty flights, everyone is out of breath, yet no one complains.

My mother turns to my brother and me and says, "Good luck you two. Your choice is your own, so be proud of it." She gives me a small kiss on my cheek, and squeezes my bothers hand before taking a long look at the both of us. She joins my father who was holding the door for the others, and they take seat in the audience.

"Nervous?" Caleb asks me.  
"No. You?"  
"Not at all." We stand next to each other in silence for a while before he says, "It's time."

The auditorium is large enough to hold at least a few hundred people. As we take our places in line, I look at the different factions. Abnegation is on the left. They sit quietly, hands folded; a sea of gray doing nothing. Next to them is Erudite. I look at my would be faction and wonder how I would fit in. I see them reading books and handing papers back and forth, discussing their contents enthusiastically. I picture myself in blue, frantically scribbling notes and comparing them with my peers before moving on. In the middle is Amity. A few of them are singing; others are sharing some food. Most of them seem content to just be here, smiling peacefully at nothing. Next is Candor. There are many small groups where everyone is loudly discussing something. Or arguing? It's hard to tell with the Candor. All the way to the right is Dauntless, my other would be faction. It's a large crowd, but I scan it anyways. I had hoped I would at least get a glimpse of him just to know he is okay, but he is not here. At least, I think he isn't. There's so much movement and noise I can't really be sure. I think about how I would fit in with them; wearing all black and constantly running and jumping over things.  _Could I truly belong to either one? I am not smart. I am not reckless._ I look back at Abnegation.  _I am not selfless._

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if I may have your attention please. The ceremony is about to commence, so please, quiet down and take your seats."

_Marcus Eaton._

This year Abnegation is hosting the ceremony. Over the past two years I have done my best to avoid him. Not because he makes me think of Tobias, no. It's because all I can see is a man who abused his only son. It's hard to fight the anger I feel towards him. I search through the Dauntless crowd again. If Tobias is here, his father will bring him out of hiding. I hear Marcus talking, recounting the story of how the five factions came to be, but I'm not really listening. Scanning the Dauntless section is harder than it seems. Suddenly we are walking, and I remember that we will all stand in front of the stage with our backs to the audience. So much for finding Tobias.

"I will now call you one by one, and you will pledge your life to your chosen faction. Good luck, and may God be with you," Marcus says right before he calls the first name. "Walker, Jeffery."

Walker, Jeffery is from Candor. I watch him cut his hand and place it over the bowl of glass. His faction welcomes him back with such enthusiasm, I actually consider choosing Candor for a moment. If there was one thing I could change about Abnegation, it would be that. I don't see what's so wrong about showing some emotion.

"Vine, Avery." "Tuttle, Matthew." "Ryder, Jonah." "Quincy, Brianna."  _This is happening too fast_ _._  It feels like hardly any time passes before I hear _"_ Prior, Caleb." Heart pounding, I hold my breath as my brother walks on stage. Marcus hands him a knife and I watch him run it across his hand. He holds it out to the left with no hesitation, and I finally breathe. It's only when I hear a few gasps that I realize his hand is not as far left as I thought it was. He is holding his hand over water. A wave of shock runs through my body. I see my brother smile and walk off the stage, into a congratulating sea of blue instead of gray.  _How could I have not known this?_  I think.  _How could he be so selfish?_   _But...is he?_ I think back to the books he would always bring home from school. How he started to read the paper every morning. How he always asked my dad for information on how to do something, no matter how big or small it was. Maybe he was always Erudite. I wonder what my parents think.  _My parents!_ They must be devastated. I try to sneak a peek when I hear, "Prior, Beatrice." I take a deep breath and walk on stage.

Marcus smiles politely at me and holds out a knife. Just as I am about to take it I hear him say, without even moving his mouth, "Selfish." I must be hearing things. It's when I look up to thank him for the knife that I can see I heard right. He may have a smile on his face, but his black eyes say otherwise. I have no choice but to think about Tobias as I turn towards the bowls.  _Is that the face he would make before..._

I can't bear to finish the thought.

I find my parents. My father looks stunned, but my mother is smiling. She has such a beautiful smile. She gives me a small nod as I hold up my hands, and now I don't know what to do. Two minutes ago I knew that I was choosing Abnegation. But Caleb chose Erudite, and my mother seems happy? Then Marcus just called him selfish. Or was he saying that to me? I feel like I don't know anything anymore.  _Just go with the first thought that comes to mind_  I tell myself. I close my eyes and run the blade over my hand.

_I want to be free._

I hold my arm straight out, towards Amity, and think of the night Tobias and I went there. That was freedom.  _But it wasn't just Amity_ the voice in my head says.  _No, it wasn't_ I answer back. I move my arm across my body, twisting as I open my hand. I like the sound my blood makes as it sizzles on the hot coals.

Yes, Marcus. I am selfish. But I am also brave.

 


	8. Chapter 8

The Dauntless roar to life as I make my way towards them. They clap and cheer and stomp their feet. I'm scared, but I make a fist and pump it up into the air. They only get louder.  _Is this really all for me?_ Adrenaline courses through my body as I make my way to the back of the crowd.  _Is this what I have been looking for? Is this freedom?_

There are many transfers after me. We all gather together at the back of the crowd, unsure what to do with ourselves. Brown, Cleo is the last person to be called. She makes her cut and chooses Amity. The Dauntless members give a loud roar and take off running before the ceremony even finishes. I look wide-eyed at the Candor girl next to me. She shouts, "Run!" so I do. I go as fast as my legs will carry me, following the crowd down the stairs and out the doors. The Candor girl seems to be losing pace, so I slow a bit and yell, "Train tracks!" remembering the Dauntless kids arriving at school every morning. She nods and keeps my pace. We reach the platform and I gawk at the sight before me; a swarming black mass moving up the beams to the top of the platform.

"Well, I guess stairs are out of the question," the Candor girl says with a grin. We grab onto the beams and start to climb.

It's painful at first; the beams are a lot larger than my hands. Not to mention the cut I just made into my palm. I'm surprised though at how easy it becomes once I reach the top. As I stand on the platform, wind rushing all around me, I close my eyes and open my arms wide, allowing my jacket to blow behind me. A loud voice breaks the moment.

"Alright initiates, listen up! My name is Max and I am a Dauntless leader. You will follow us onto the trains and await further instructions. Understand?" We all sort of nod in confusion. "I'm sorry, did I stutter? Do you understand me?"  
"Yes!" We answer back in unison.  
"Good. Gather up here by me. The train stops for no one." Just then the whistle blows. "It's best to get a running start alongside the track," Max shouts. "If you fail to board this train, we will not come back for you."

Everyone looks around nervously at each other, but the second Max starts to jog alongside the tracks, I push my way through them to follow suit. I will not be left behind. The Candor girl is right behind me, and we make the jump together. Again, a lot easier than I thought it would be.

"Well, that was fun. Hi. I'm Christina," the Candor girl says to me.  
"Hi," I say nervously. I've only had two friends my whole life, and neither of them were outgoing like her. I don't really know what to do or say.  
"...Okay then. Are you going to tell me your name or what?" She asks.  
"Didn't you know? Stiffs don't talk," a Candor boy interrupts.  
I look at him as he sneers down at me.  
"And what's your name?" Max bellows out to the boy.  
"Uhh, Peter," he says nervously.  
"Well Uhh Peter, you and your Candor friend here could take a lesson from the Stiff and shut up."

We ride in silence the rest of the way.

"Attention everyone, this is where we get off," Max shouts. "Again, the train stops for no one. Our building is the gray one up here on the right. It's not very big, so you'll have to make your jump quickly. People have been known to miss the roof, so jump carefully. It's 7 stories to your death."

 _Roof? Death?_ Maybe Dauntless wasn't the right choice after all. I watch the other initiates line up and follow suit. Max gives no indication that it's time to jump, other than jumping out of the train car himself. It's only us in here now, and nobody's moving.

"Go!" A tall boy from Erudite yells and everyone rushes forward. I watch them leap ahead of me and hope that I will not miss the building. I hold a deep breath and push as hard as I can. For a small moment I am weightless. That moment is over fast, and I wince as I land, scraping my hands and a knee. It doesn't matter though, because I made it. The tall Erudite boy is laughing and helping Christina up. I let out a small laugh that is part relief, part happiness that I wasn't the only one to fall. I stand and brush myself off.

"Initiates. Welcome to the Dauntless compound. There is only one way in. Which one of you would like to be the first to enter?" Max shouts, smiling at his words.

I look around and see a door. It must access the building we are on, but there is no handle on it, not to mention it's on the opposite side from where we are standing. I notice that nobody has moved from their spot, including the Dauntless born initiates. They must not know about this either, which means it's a secret. Or a test.

I step forward.

"The Stiff! Going first?" He laughs as he gestures to the edge of the building.

I creep forward, careful not to lose my balance, and look over to see a giant hole in the ground. I look nervously at Max but he just raises an eyebrow at me. I will never make it here if I don't jump now. I made the first move, and backing out now would be a mistake. I hold my arms out to the side and allow the wind to catch my jacket once again. One small shift of my arms and it releases; set free, never to be seen again. Two small steps and my toes are flush with the edge. I close my eyes and leap.

I fall through the air, but I don't scream. Even if I wanted to, my voice is buried somewhere deep where I cannot find it. I come to a stop, feeling something hard, yet forgiving, cradle me from all around. I open my eyes and let out a laugh as I wrap my fingers into a net. How foolish were we all to think they would make us jump to our death before we even make it in the door? I roll over and see a pair of hands make their way into the wide beam of light the opening in the ground makes. I reach for them even though I cannot see who they belong to. The hands are large and strong, lifting me out of the net with minimal effort. My eyes have not adjusted yet to the darkness of being underground, when I hear ''What's your name?" The voice belongs to the hands. It is deep, yet familiar. I am trying to place it when it says again, "That difficult? You can change it if you like, but you can only choose once." I forget about the voice and think about my name. Beatrice is too formal for Dauntless. I paw at my clothes and bite my lower lip.

"I...uhh..."

_Why can't I think of anything cool?_

"My name is...umm...Tris."

My eyes are finally starting to adjust. I blink and look up. The hands that belong to the voice, their eyes stare deep into mine. After all this time I can still read those eyes so well, and I see them pleading for me to stay silent.  
"First jumper, Tris!" He calls out. A crowd of Dauntless that were hidden in the shadows cheer.  
"Hello, Tris," he says over the roar. "Welcome to Dauntless."

A scream fills the air, breaking our gaze. I look to the net and see a Dauntless woman pulling Christina out of the net.  
"Well, that was fun," I say as she hops out, mimicking her from the train. "Tris, by the way."  
"Finally! I thought maybe you were mute or something," she says, smiling. She grabs my arm and we head down the platform stairs where we wait together for the rest of the initiates.

"Hello. My name is Lauren," the woman from the net says to all of us. "Dauntless born initiates, I will be your instructor for the next few weeks. I assume you don't need a tour of the place, so follow me. As for the rest of you, Four here will be your instructor." The Dauntless borns turn and follow her out in silence.

_Four?_

"Yes, well, as Lauren said, my name is Four. I will be supervising your training and-"  
"Four? Like the number?" Christina blurts out.  
I watch the boy I once knew as Tobias cut through the small crowd to where she is standing. He bends down so his face is inches away from hers. "Yes Four, like the number. Is that a problem?"  
"No," Christina responds.

I've never heard a Candor talk this quiet before.

"Good. Now as I was saying, there will be another instructor training with me. You will meet him later. For now, follow me."

We walk together down a dark and narrow hallway, with dim lighting placed too far apart to really be of any use. We approach another hallway that intersects this one, and stop.  
"The door to your left leads to the dorms where you will be staying throughout your initiation. The one to the right leads to the Dauntless common area known as The Pit."  
"The Pit?" Christina blurts out again. "That's a clever name." Tobias gives her a look that sends shivers down my spine.

 _What have they done to you?_  I think.

"Sorry, sorry," she apologizes.  
"If we're done with the outbursts...," he says as he walks towards The Pit.

I can't say I'm not in awe. The Pit is massive. I see shops carved into the stone walls. A place where people are dancing to loud music. At least, I think it's supposed to be music. It doesn't sound like the guitars the Amity play, but they dance anyways. Some people to our right are climbing a massive wall, trying to push a button at the top. I look up and see the ceiling is made of glass.

"These doors here to your left lead to the cafeteria. You will eat all your meals here together," Tobias shouts over the noise. "If you'll follow me this way, I will show you The Chasm."

We follow him across The Pit, still gawking and taking in all there is to see. As we approach The Chasm, I realize it is the source for most of the noise. We reach a railing that guards the edge of it and look over. Water thrashes around jagged rocks; white with turbulence. There is a small waterfall on the far side, endlessly filling it, and another that allows the water to run down into a smaller, calmer pool. It's almost hypnotic to watch something as innocent as water being turned into something so violent.

"The Chasm reminds us that there is a fine like between idiocy and bravery. Every year at least one initiate jumps to their death here. You have been warned," Tobias says sternly.  
I take a look back at The Chasm as we walk towards the cafeteria, and wonder just what I have gotten myself into.

As we enter the cafeteria, the Dauntless start applauding and pounding their fists on the tables. A group even rushes over and hoists a few initiates over their shoulders, cheering. All this for us and we've only been members for a few hours. We follow Tobias over to an empty table. "This is the initiates table. Sit. The food will be brought out shortly," he says as he turns and walks away.

"He's not very personable, is he?" Christina asks as we sit.  
"No, he's not." I don't say it just to be agreeable, or because clearly he doesn't want it known that we know each other. I say it because it's the truth. I don't know  _this_  person at all.

A few Dauntless members start bringing out trays of food to our table. The one that's set down in front of me has something I have never even seen before, but I at least recognize it's meat and bread. Christina happily grabs one, puts something red on it and takes a big bite. I'm alternating stares between Christina and the tray of food when I hear, "That's beef, this is ketchup. Put this one on that one. It's good." I didn't even notice Tobias sit down next to me.  
"Thanks," I mutter.  
"Wait. You've never had a hamburger?" Christina says, muffled by a mouth full of food.  
"Stiffs eat plain food," Tobias answers her.  
"How do you even live? No wonder you left!"  
"Yes. It was just because of the food," I say jokingly. I take a bite and, I admit, its delicious.

I listen to Christina talk to the Erudite boy next to her while we eat, and find out his name is Will. They exchange stories and jokes like they have know each other their whole lives.  _What's it like to be that comfortable with a total stranger?_  Tobias was one of the only friends I had, yet here he is, 6 inches away from me and we haven't even looked at each other. I'm trying to figure out the right thing to say when a Dauntless man approaches the table.

"Well, well. What do we have here. Oooh, a Stiff? Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, Four?"  
"This is Tris, Christina, Will and Al. Over here is Peter, Molly, Edward and Myra. Initiates, this is Eric, the other instructer I told you about. We will be working together to train you."

Eric gives everyone at the table a quick glance, and then sits down next to Tobias. "So, Max asked me to find you. Ask if you changed your mind yet."  
"I haven't. You can tell Max that I am very happy with my position."  
"Ahh, so he was offering you a job then," Eric says. I notice their interactions are very tense; Eric almost sneering his replies at Tobias. "Very well. Initiates, I will see you first thing in the morning," Eric says as he stands. He gives Tobias one last look before leaving.

"Is he your friend?" I finally ask, breaking the ice.  
"And here I thought I would only have to deal with questions from the Candor, but now I've got the Stiff pestering me as well," he says as he stands up.

He's called me Stiff twice.

I watch him leave our table and head to another one filled with Dauntless members. A pretty girl wraps her arms around his neck. Her body is mature and full of curves; hair long and dark. Her clothing shows a lot of skin, which is mostly covered in tattoos. I look down at my thin frame and baggy gray clothes, and hold back the tears as I push him from my mind once again. Tobias is gone. He is Four now, and I don't know Four at all.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Four returns after a short while and takes us to the dorms. The Abnegation have separate dorms for males and females, but here we all sleep together in one big room.

"That door on the opposite end of the room will lead you the the bathrooms. Underneath your bed you will find a bin for your things. Each member of Dauntless receives an allowance per month to purchase the items they need in exchange for the work they do. Since you have no jobs and are not officially members of Dauntless yet, you have been provided with the basics. Two every day outfits, three sets of training clothes, and something to sleep in. If you make it past the first part of your initiation, you will be given an allowance. Feel free to do whatever you like with it. Lights out for initiates is 9 p.m. We will meet every morning in the cafeteria at 7 a.m. for breakfast. Training starts at 7:30. You will get an hour for lunch when we say you can take lunch. Training will then continue until 6 p.m. 6-9 is your own personal time. These times are non negotiable and you will not be late, understood?"  
We nod in unison.

"I will meet you in the cafeteria tomorrow morning to escort you to the training center. Any questions?"  
"Yeah. What do you mean  _if you make it past the first part?_ " Peter asks.  
"Just because you chose us, doesn't mean we choose you," Eric says as he walks into the room. I look around and see the confusion I'm feeling on everyone's faces. "There are eight of you, and six Dauntless borns. For those of you who can't add, that makes fourteen. There are only ten spots to be filled this year. That means four of you will become Factionless," Eric states coldly.  
"Factionless?" Peter yells.  
"Did I stutter?" Eric roars at him.  
Peter's mouth hangs open for a minute before answering, "No."  
"Good. Now that we're clear on that, I suggest you get a good nights sleep. We have a long couple of weeks ahead of us."  
As he leaves the room, Eric slams the light switch off, leaving us in complete darkness. I hear the door close but nobody moves.

"What a crock of shit," I hear Peter say.  
Someone else laughs and it's enough to break the mood. I have no idea what is what in my bin, so instead I feel for the bed I was standing next to and lie down. I didn't even realize how exhausted I was from the events of the day as I drift off to sleep effortlessly.

"How do we even know what time it is?" I hear a male voice ask as I'm opening my eyes. It's still pitch black.  
"I don't know! Just go turn on the light. Maybe there's a clock or something in here that we didn't see last night," a female responds.  
I hear some shuffling, followed by an "Ow!" I close my eyes to prepare for the bright light.  
"Christ that's bright! Turn it off!" I recognize Peter's voice.  
"No! We need to see what time it is," the female replies. "No clock? How in the hell are we supposed to know what time it is then? Oh wait, there's a watch in my box. It says it's 6:13."  
"Should we wake the others?"  
"No way. Let them find out on their own."  
I crack an eye and see the female voice belongs to Myra; the male Edward. They get up and head to the bathroom together. I see Peter get up and follow shortly after. I feel under the bed for my box and pull it out.

There is much more here than what we were told. Shoes. A watch. A bag full of essential toiletries. I look through the clothes trying to figure out which ones are for training, when I spy a very small shirt. At least, I think it's a shirt? I pull it out to examine it when I hear, "It's a sports bra. You put it on and it holds your boobs in place." I whip my head around and see Christina sitting up and giving a big yawn. I blush. "What? You've never heard the word boobs before?" She says with a smile. "We gotta loosen you up girl! Come on. Grab your things and lets get ready."

I grab the bag and my clothes; she follows me into the bathroom. I open the door and see that the room is shaped like a giant T. There are six doors along the entry way. I open the first one.  
"Toilets?" Christina asks.  
"Yes."  
"Good. I need to pee like crazy," she says as she runs into the stall I just opened. I go into the one next to her.

"Ahhh. That's better," she says out loud.  
"Christina, I don't think I need to know everything you're doing."  
"Hey Tris. Guess what I'm doing now?" She yells out.  
 _I can't believe this is my first friend.  
_ "I'm wiping! And now I'm pulling up my panties! And now I'm flushing the toilet!"  
"Christina!" I squeal out. I hear her giggling like crazy, so I smile. Truth is, I'm actually thankful she likes me enough to be this open with me.  
"Hey now. No scaring the Stiff,  _yet._ "  
I freeze. I watched Myra, Edward and Peter walk in here, but I didn't even think about them actually being in the bathroom with me. I open the door and peek down the short entryway.

The showers are all lined up along the wall that forms the top of the T. They have doors that have some sort of film on them, but I can still see right through them.  
Christina sees my nerves and takes my hand. "Come on. I'll help you."  
We take the two stalls furthest away from everyone. "Here," she says as she holds up a towel. "I'll cover you while you get undressed."  
"But what about you?"  
"Me? Please. I have no problem being naked." She smiles.  
"Oh really now?" Will says as he walks in.  
I can't quite tell, but I think Christina is blushing. I get undressed quickly and get in my stall.  
"Just let me know when you're done," she says. I can see her through the glass getting undressed right in front of Will. I'm blushing again at the thought of it.

The rest of our morning goes smoothly. Christina shields me as I get dressed. Even though her hair is short, she puts it in this fancy braid. I pull mine back into my bun.  
"You want me to teach you?" She asks.  
I nod. "Good. Then later I can teach you about makeup too."  
"Makeup?"  
"Yeah. You didn't think I came unprepared, did you?" She pulls out a bag and opens it up. I have no idea what any of it is, but there sure is a lot of it.  
"Wait, how did you get this in here?"  
She winks at me. "Now, now. I can't go giving aways all my secrets at once."  
I watch as she puts on her makeup. Her face doesn't really look any different, but yet, it's softer. And her eyes really stand out now.  
"There. Let's go get some grub!"

As we leave the bathroom I see Al is still fast asleep in bed. In my embarrassment over the sports bra and Christina's bathroom announcements, I completely forgot to make sure everyone else was awake. It's 6:52. There's not enough time to shower, but he can still make it on time.  
"Al. Hey, Al. Al! Al wake up!" I shout in his ear.  
"Huh?" He says, groggy from sleep.  
"Hurry and get dressed. You have 8 minutes to get to the cafeteria. Everyone else is already gone so make it fast!"  
He leaps out of bed, completely confused.  
"Under your bed!" I say as I point.  
"Oh, right. Thanks Tris."  
"You're welcome," I say as we leave.

There are no other Dauntless in the cafeteria this early, yet there are muffins, eggs, bacon, potatoes, and cake laid out on our table.  
"Breakfast cake?" Christina says to Will.  
"Yeah. Try it. It's fantastic," Will says as he shoves a huge bite into his mouth.

I've had eggs and potatoes before, but these look different from the plain Abnegation version. The eggs are a lot fluffier, and the potatoes have a bunch of little different colored flecks all over them.  
"Seasoning," Christina says, remembering I have only eaten plain food.  
"I think I'll start with the cake, actually."  
"Oooh, you little rebel," she says as she elbows me.  
I've never had cake before, and Will is right. It is fantastic. I grab a little bit of eggs and potatoes too. I let out a small laugh and say, jokingly, "Maybe I did leave because of the food."

Al arrives at 6:59, out of breath, but on time. He sits next to me and grabs a muffin.  
"Thanks again, Tris. I don't know what I would do without you."  
I'm suddenly very aware of just how close he is to me. "Err...you're welcome Al."

We make small talk, but it's mostly speculation on what our training will actually be. I'm on my third piece of cake when Eric enters the cafeteria.  
"Initiates. Follow me please." We clean our messes quickly and line up. "This is the path to the training center. Remember it."  
We cross the pit and enter a set of double doors. They lead to a hallway that both curves and descends. It has the same dark patches interrupted by dim lighting every hallway seems to have. We walk through another set of double doors into what looks like a small waiting area.

"This door to your right is a small infirmary, for if you get seriously injured. We haven't had to use it in years. Don't make us use it now. The door across from you leads to the training center. You will be in this room every morning no later than 7:30. You may not enter the training center until myself or Four let you in, understood?"  
"Yes," we say in unison.  
"Good," he says as he pushes the door open.

The room is far larger than I would have imagined. There are mats in one corner, targets in another. There are large bags hanging from the ceiling. I see a table covered in knives.  _What exactly are we going to be learning here?_

"Dauntless initiation consists of two parts. The only part you need be concerned with is this one, physical. We will spend our time teaching you how to fight. How to hold a gun. How to throw a knife. I suggest you pay attention and work hard. After this round, the two lowest ranked initiates, Dauntless born or transfer, will be leaving." We give each other nervous looks as Eric walks to a chalkboard. "These are your pairings for today. Four here will teach you basic moves which you will practice on the punching bags. After lunch you will be paired up to fight each other." He turns and leaves without saying another word.

I see I am paired with Molly.

She is much larger than I am. She sees my name next to hers and sneers in my direction.  _This is bad. This is very bad._  We gather around a mat and listen to our instructions from Four.  
"While aggression is important, you will not win a fight if you do not know how to deflect a hit. Today we will learn specific moves to hit your opponent with, and tomorrow we will learn how to defend those hits."  
"So wait, you're going to let us fight without showing us how to defend ourselves first?" Peter interrupts.  
Four stops his pacing directly in front of Peter. He leans in so their faces are mere inches away and simply states, "Yes."

After giving us a very basic lesson, we take our places in front of the punching bags. I hit and kick the bag, but I'm not strong enough to even make it move. I stop to watch the others after some time; looking at their stances and seeing the power behind their punches. I find Molly and watch her for a moment. She punches the bag and I watch it sway, imagining the bag is me. She catches me staring and taunts me a bit, pointing at me and then kicking the bag. I want to cry and give up. I can't win against anyone here. I'm holding back the tears I can feel welling up when I hear-  
"Do you think you are better than your fellow initiates, Stiff?" I spin around so fast I almost lose my balance. Four is now inches from my face, glaring. Everyone stops.  
"No," I say, barely audible.  
"I don't think they heard you. Are you better than your fellow initiates?"  
"No," I say, louder this time.  
"Then what makes you think you can just stand around and stare while they work hard?"  
"I...uhh...I'm not and I umm...-"  
"Get back to work," he cuts me off as he continues down the line, observing us.  
This time I can't fight the tears.

We break for lunch sometime around 1. I am so exhausted I barely have enough strength to hold onto my plate of food. Christina and I make our way to the initiates table, and I have never been so happy to sit down in my life.  
"So...you wanna talk about it?"  
"Not really. I just want to eat and take a nap." It's true. Even my hardest day of work in Abnegation is nothing compared to this.  
She laughs. "Okay. I'm here if you want to though."  
For being a loud mouth Candor, as everyone says, Christina really does have a gentle side to her. I'm glad I have her.

I sit with my head in my hands, eyes closed for the remainder of lunch. I must have dozed a little bit because before I know it, I'm getting an elbow to the ribs.  
"Ow. What was that for?"  
"Time to go kick some ass. Come on! You don't want to be late!" Christina says, hopping on Will's back. He races out of the cafeteria as she giggles wildly. I smile at them and I clean my mess.

We line up in the waiting room as Eric gives us instructions. "Tris, Molly, Peter and Edward, you are with Four. The rest of you, come with me."  
We stay put as the others follow Eric in. Four looks out the open door and motions for us to come in. We follow him to the closest mat. "Peter, Edward. You're up."  
I watch as they approach each other, fists ready. Peter is quick to attack, but Edward is faster and stronger. The fight is over in less than two minutes, with Edward landing a solid punch to Peter's jaw, leaving him unable to continue. I watch Peter sulk off the mat and let out a small smile.  
"Molly, Tris. Let's go."  
 _Great_. My heart is beating so hard it might just burst from my chest.  
"Hey Stiff, I wonder if they give out special awards for being the quickest to get your ass kicked," Peter sneers.

_I have to make it longer than two minutes._

I raise my hands into fists; Molly does the same. She circles like a predator and I turn, never letting her get behind me. She makes the first move, aiming for my head. I don't know how, but I move fast enough to not get hit. It doesn't matter though because she is punching me in the stomach with her other fist. Hard. I double over but I do not take my eyes off her hands.

We circle each other before she pulls the same move again, head first, then stomach. I dodge both. I'm not so lucky the third time. She lands a hit, square on the side of my head, and everything goes out of focus for a moment. I blink and my vision clears just enough to see her fist coming for me again. She hits me in the jaw, then the stomach. I lash out and land a fist to her eye. I know I'll never knock her out, but it's just enough to throw her off balance. I seize the opportunity and strike again, landing a punch to her jaw, but my small victory is over as quickly as it started. She pulls her fist back and hits my jaw again, only this time everything goes black as I fall to the ground.

 


	10. Chapter 10

I open my eyes and see only white. My vision is blurry but there is definite movement around me.  
"Welcome back," a woman with a shaved head says to me. I start to sit up but she pushes me back down. "No way. You need to lie down. I don't think you have a concussion, but you should still rest."  
"Where am I?" I ask. I've never seen any place this brightly lit or white anywhere in the Dauntless compound.  
"The infirmary. Do you remember what happened?"  
 _Yes._   _I just guaranteed myself a place at the bottom of the ranks_. "I was hit," I say instead.  
"Good. And what's your name?"  
"Tris."  
"Perfect. You might as well stay until 6 and get some rest while you can. There will be plenty of time to get beat up in the following weeks. Take these pills. They'll help with the headache and minimize your bruising."  
"Thanks." I sip some water and swallow the pills.  
"My names Lynn. Just hit that red button over there if you need anything," she says as she walks out of my room. The clock in my room says 4:45, which means I was knocked out for over two hours. Yet another amazing accomplishment to add to my list. I decide to take Lynn up on her advice and make myself as comfortable as I can.

I hear the door close and open my eyes. I look around, but my room is empty. 6:30. I press the red button and Lynn shows up. "How are you feeling?"  
"Sore, but fine I guess."  
"Yeah. You took one hell of a beating I was told." I look down, ashamed. "Hey. If you would believe it, I got my ass kicked on the first day too. But if you tell anyone that, I'll kill you," she says with a smile. "I think you can go now. Find your friends and have some dinner, but take it easy for the rest of the night."  
"Okay. Thank you," I say.  
"Oh, one more thing. Your instructor came by. Wanted me to tell you 2 ½ minutes when you woke up, whatever that means."

I smile.

I make my way through the cafeteria, eager to see Christina and Will and find out what happened after I left. I can't say I'm surprised, but it's still shocking to me when I see people kiss in public. If it weren't for their different skin colors, I don't think I would be able to tell where her face ends and his begins. I don't really know what to do or how to get their attention, so I just sort of stare at the ground and clear my throat.

"Tris!" Christina says, out of breath. "We were worried about you. Everything okay?"  
"Yeah. Just bruised and unconscious. I'm fine. So, uhhh...you two...," I still don't know what to say.  
"Oh. Yeah. You know. It just sorta happens," Christina says, brushing Will's hair behind his ear.  
"Not really."  
"Right. Sorry. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable Tris. Don't worry about being a third wheel or anything, okay?"  
"Okay," I say, even though I have no idea what she's talking about.  
"Come on. Let's go get your food and I'll tell you all about it."

The 'it' I was expecting was training, but Christina's 'it' was how she flirted with Will and their subsequent make-out session. It's cute how she gets so animated when she talks. I want to shy away when she talks about Will, but I don't. I figure this is going to happen at some point in my life, so I might as well learn what I can. I'm listening to her go on about how warm his lips are when I hear, "Tris. A word in my office. Now." I look over my shoulder and see Four.

This is it. I'm done for.

I get up to a sympathetic look from Christina, and it actually angers me. "Don't," I say, pointing a finger at her. At first I can tell she's a little shocked to see me like this, but she just smiles and gives me a wink. I turn to Four and say, "If you're going to kick me out, you can just do it here. They're going to find out anyways."

If looks could kill, I would be dead.

He turns and walks away, saying nothing, so I follow. We walk through the pit to a set of elevators I never even noticed before. He presses the number 13 once we're inside. We exit into a long hallway with doors all along both sides, numerically in order. We reach the very last door, 1350, when he takes a set of keys out of his pocket. He opens the door and gestures for me to go in. I hesitate for a moment; this clearly is not an office. But curiosity gets the best of me, and I go in.

The door closes behind me and it's pitch black. I hear him shuffle to my right and the flip of a switch. It's not much brighter, but I can see that it's definitely a bedroom. A messy, dirty bedroom.  
"Sorry. I wasn't expecting company," he says.  
"Weren't expecting company? You're the one who practically drug me up here," I snap.  
"Well I have been trying to figure out a way to get you alone since you got here without rousing too much suspicion," he snaps back.  
"Alone? For what? So you can criticize me and call me Stiff in private too?"  
"What? No! Do you think I enjoy that? I can't let on that I know you or show you any special treatment. I have been trying my best to find a way to ask you just what in the hell you are doing here?"  
"Why? It's not like you care."  
"Beatrice? What has gotten into you?"  
"It's Tris. I would think you of all people would know about and respect why someone would want to change their name,  _Four,_ " I say with more venom than I meant too. "Besides. What did you expect me to do, stay in Abnegation?"  
"No. I don't know. I expected you to stay safe. And Dauntless is not the place for that."  
"Again, what do you care?  _You_  left  _me_ , remember?" I say coldly, poking his chest. He snatches my hand up and squeezes it, hard. I yank back, but I am no match for his strength. "Let go!" I yell as I thrash around.

I see the look in his face change and he immediately lets go. "I'm sorry Tris. I didn't mean to. It's just I don't want to see you get hurt, and there's only so much I can do to protect you here."  
"I don't need your help. And I certainly don't need your protection. Am I in trouble or not,  _Four_?" Saying his name right now leaves a sour taste in my mouth.  
"No," he says as he plops down on his bed. He puts his head down in his hands, and I can't help but see that boy from all those years ago; the hurt and the defeat radiating from every cell in his body.  
"Then I'm leaving."  
"Tris, please. Can we at least talk?"  
"No."

I turn and leave, slamming the door on my way out. The Abnegation inside of me is screaming out, begging to go back and comfort him; listen to his reasons. But the Dauntless inside is winning. Telling me to make my own path, fight my own battles. Find my independence on my own. Tears well up in my eyes as I wait for the elevator, but they are not sad tears, no. They are tears of strength and fire and willpower. Tears that remind me of my desire to succeed.

I head back to the dorm, clearing my mind of what just happened and put a stern look on my face.  
"Come to pack your things, Stiff?" Peter remarks, laughing and getting a high five from Molly.  
"Actually Peter, I came to give you your award for, what was it? Getting your ass kicked the fastest?" I quip back.  
The room goes silent for a moment before erupting in laughter. Peter sulks back into his bed, embarrassed.  
"Whoa there! Who are you and where is Tris?" Will asks, clapping me on the shoulder.  
"She's right here. It just took her a little longer than the rest of us to break out of her shell," Christina says, shoving Will and giving me a huge smile.

The next couple weeks of training are uneventful. Defensive moves. Offensive moves. Learning how to hold and throw a knife. Target practice with guns. Lots of time punching the bags and beating each other up. I still lose every fight, but I can feel myself getting stronger. The bag actually moves now when I hit it. I even managed to get a good hit in and knock one of Molly's teeth loose. We celebrated by having just cake for dinner that night.

This morning we gather in the waiting room and wait until Four invites us in. "Today you will be spending one on one time with me on the punching bags. I will tell you your weaknesses and show you moves to overcome them. When you are not with me, you will spend your time rotating partners and practicing the moves you have been taught on each other without actually fighting. Will, you're up."

Christina and I pair up, hitting and kicking through the basic moves. Her strength and precision are admirable.  
"How do you do it? I ask her.  
"Do what?  
"This. You're very good at it. I can't imagine they do this sort of thing in Candor. Or do they?"  
"Shh. Secret Candor fight club," she says with a wink.

It's when she's called up that I have to take on the last person to leave Four; Peter.  
"Oh good. I felt like kicking your ass today, Stiff," he says just low enough to not catch anyone else's attention.  
We are supposed to be practicing just the moves, but he punches me, hard. I'm trying to act like it didn't affect me, but I was completely caught off guard. I can barely breathe; my stomach contracting and threatening to reject this mornings breakfast. I see him take a quick look around and hit me again, this time catching the side of my head.

I refuse to be treated like his personal punching bag.

I kick his legs hard, knocking him off balance just enough to shove him down on the mat. "Who. Do. You. Think. You. Are?" I say, kicking him in syllables with all the strength I can muster.  
Peter, trying to save face, cowers and screams, "I didn't do anything! Get this crazy bitch off of me!"  
I feel a pair of strong hands grab my waist and hoist me off the ground. "Tris!" Four yells, "Enough!" He walks across the room and firmly plants me on the ground. "Don't move." As he walks back to Christina, he yells out, "Who told you to stop?" Everyone immediately puts their heads down and starts getting back to practicing.

I spend my time pacing, watching everyone spar and take their lessons. I'm actually a bit happy I'm over here. I can take this time to recover. Four is with Molly now, leaving just me to have my private lesson. Another fabulous round of  _you're never going to make it_  is on it's way, I'm sure.

"Tris, let's go." I sigh and take my time walking to him.  
"I want you to show me all the moves you've learned, starting with offensive." I make my fists and start hitting the bag, going through all the different moves. "Your arms are weak. Now kick." I glare at him and start kicking the bag, imagining it was his face. "Better. Now instead of wishing it were me, wish it were Peter." I glare again, but I hit and kick with all my might.

"Good. Your muscles are still forming, so you don't have the capacity to take your opponents down like the rest of your peers. So for the time being, use your knees and elbows. You can get more power behind them. You are quicker than you think; use it to your advantage. Strike first and strike hard. It will buy you some time and allow you to find your opponents weaknesses. Now show me." I bring a knee up to the bag and watch it sway farther than it ever has before. Not only is it more effective, it hurts less; the elbow, not so much. "You need to keep your body rigid, otherwise you make yourself vulnerable to attacks." He places his hand on my stomach, "Here especially. You wouldn't be in so much pain right now if you did it earlier."

His touch sends a small jolt of electricity through me. I find myself looking into his eyes when what he said finally registers. "Wait, you saw him hit me?"  
"I see everything you do."  
Normally I would blush, but I'm too angry at this point. "And yet you did nothing." His eyes shift ever so slightly towards the other initiates. "Don't worry. I won't cause a scene. Wouldn't want the ever perfect  _Four_  to look like he can't control the Stiff, right?"  
He stares at me for a moment before calling out, "Peter! Front and center.".

I watch as Peter approaches Four, a smug look on his face. "Tris. Show me what I have taught you today."  
Peter looks amused. "Oh goody. Now we can have a fair fight."  
"Who said anything about a fight? I asked Tris to show me what I taught her."  
"Wait. So I'm just supposed to stand here and let her hit me again?" he screams.  
"Guess you should have thought about that earlier," Four says, leaning in so only Peter and I can hear him.  
I smile at the stunned look on Peter's face. As much as I would like to pulverize him where he stands, the satisfaction would be greater if I won my fight outright.  
"No," I respond. "I would like to fight Peter."  
Four looks at me, considering the options. "Fine. Show me."  
"With pleasure," I say, advancing on Peter.

He's slightly off balance when I come at him, fists raised.  
First weakness.  
I hesitate too long, debating on knees or elbows, and he strikes first.  
Self doubt, my first weakness.  
It's a solid punch to the jaw, so I drop, feigning injury. I'm on all fours when I see him pulling his foot back. In one swift move I roll into a standing position. His leg is still in motion when I spin, elbowing him in the side of his nose. His eyes clench shut from the pain.  
Second weakness.  
I kick his legs as hard as I can. It's not enough to take him down, but it is enough to make him stumble. I bring my knee up somewhere between his groin and his navel. He screams out in pain and drops to his knees.  
Third weakness.  
I'm bringing my knee back for another hit when he lunges. We both fall to the ground, him on top of me. "You bitch!" He screams in my face, holding my wrists and pinning me to the ground.

We didn't train for a situation like this.

I try to remain calm but he is gnashing his teeth together; spitting in my face while mumbling something unintelligible, and I know that he has lost it. I watch as he slowly brings his head back as far as he can. I take a deep breath in and trust in myself. He brings his head down hard and fast. I do my best to move to the side but there isn't enough room. His head collides with the side of mine and the pain is blinding, but I counted on Peter to react with only emotions, and I was right. His poor planning carried his face right into the mat. I shove him off me and sit up, head spinning. I watch Peter slowly make his way upright and I follow. He is worse shape than I am.  
Fourth weakness.  
I punch as hard as I can. My fist. His throat. This time, he stays down.

"Well, well. Who knew the Stiff had it in her?" I turn to see Eric watching, smiling. "See initiates. This is why you never underestimate your opponent. You don't have to be the biggest or have the most muscle to win. You just need to be smarter than you opponent." He looks down at Peter, a cruel grin spreading over his face. "Rankings are coming out soon. It would be beneficial for you to remember this lesson." Just before he leaves the room, he dismisses us all for lunch.

"Tris, a moment," Four says as we start to make our way to the cafeteria. Christina gives me a reassuring look before leaving with Will.  
"What now? Would you like to point out more things that I'm not good at? Or tell me again how weak I am? Or that you're going to pair me up with Peter for the rest of training as some sort of punishment?"  
"Actually, I was going to tell you that you did a great job kicking Peter's ass. But since you're not ready to listen, you can meet me at the chasm tonight at 11."  
I watch as Four turns and walks away, effectively ending our small conversation.

* * *

I lie awake in bed, nervous, listening to the sounds of everyone's slumber. I pull the covers over my head and press the light button on my watch. 10:46. Close enough. I creep out of bed, grab the clothes I placed together in my storage box, and get dressed. Nobody has moved, so I leave the dorm. I stick to the walls and try to stay in the shadows. The Pit is empty when I reach it, but I wait, looking for any indication that someone might be around before crossing. After 5 minutes of watching I cross, waiting at the railing. One last look around tells me this place is deserted at this hour.

I look over the railing and watch the water sway back and forth against the rocks. There is such beauty in it's power. I frown at the thought though, remembering what we were told on our first day. This place is the last thing someone once saw; multiple someones. I'm lost in my thoughts when a pair of hands cover my eyes. I smile. "Just what do you think you're doing?" I ask before reaching up and pulling one hand down. As I turn to greet him, my smile fades into complete panic.

 


	11. Chapter 11

The hand I left on my face reaches down, cradling my neck. I let out a small scream before he squeezes, cutting off my air. "You bitch," He says as he pushes and lifts, causing me to lie back against the railing, feet dangling. I squirm and kick but the hand on my throat only squeezes harder, pushes farther. He is hitting me. My face. My ribs. I feel myself falling, letting go. I grasp for the railing, but I am too far over already. His grip loosens slightly, only to be replaced by another. I feel the bottom of my shirt rip, the cool air on my exposed skin. He then reaches up, under my shirt. I freeze. "That's right, Stiff. Not so strong now, are you? Who are you waiting for, huh?" Peter says, spitting in my face. His hand trails back down, finding the button on my pants.  _No._  I can't find the words. I thrash and kick.  _No_. I claw. I hit. The more I try, the harder it is to breathe. My vision is narrowing.  _No._

"Hey!"  
Suddenly, he let's go, and I am falling.

* * *

**Four**

10:59.

 _Dammit Xander, hurry the hell up. I offered to cover for you for a few hours so you could spend time with your wife, not sit here all night_ I think as the clock ticks over. I stand as soon as I hear the door open.  
"Hey man. Sorry I'm late, but my old lady wanted to-"  
"Yeah that's great. I gotta run. Everything's fine. Nothing to report. I logged out already," I say as I rush out the door. I told Tris to meet me at 11, and now I'm going to be late.

As soon as the door closes to the control room, I hear it. It's faint, so I stop, listening again. Nothing. I cross the glass floor to the stairs, quickening my pace in fear that something isn't right. As I race down the first flight of stairs, The Pit comes into view. It's dark, but she's there. And... _she's not alone?_ Shit. My heart races as I take the stairs two at a time, unconscious of the height and lack of railing that could send me plummeting eight stories down. As I near the end of the last flight of stairs, I see  _Peter_?

"Hey!" I yell out as race towards them. He has a hand around her throat, and I can't be sure where the other hand is, but it doesn't matter. I lunge at him, hard and fast, landing a punch to the back of his head. He let's go and turns to run, but I grab him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yell, punching him three times in the face. I shove him to the ground and prepare to beat him bloody when I hear a strangled, "Four." I turn around and see Tris hanging on to the railing, barely. "Tris!" I yell as I bend over the railing, lifting her up into my arms. "Tris! Are you okay?" She reaches a hand to my face and gives a soft, "Four" before losing consciousness.

I place one arm beneath her legs and cradle her into my arms. Peter is still lying on the ground, holding his nose. "You better get the hell out of my sight before I kill you," I say through gritted teeth. "Now!" Peter jumps up and runs. Not towards the dorms, but the infirmary. Good. I'll be back for him later. I should take Tris there too, but I'm certain she won't want to go, so I take her to my apartment instead. I place her in my bed, pulling the covers over her. I need to check her injuries, but I don't want her to wake and be startled after what just happened, so I sit and wait.

I stare at my wall.  _Fear God Alone._ I remember scrawling that there after passing my initiation into Dauntless. I was a new man with a new name and no one to fear. I stand and look at Tris. She's so beautiful, but she's not like me. Her small frame makes her a threat to no one. Well, no one but those who fear their own failure. Her neck is forming bruises already. "I'll be back," I lean down and whisper into her ear.

"Hey Lynn, you got a second?"  
"Sure Four, what's up?"  
"Did an initiate come in here, all beat up, possible broken nose?"  
"Yeah. He's in room 3. He wouldn't tell me what happened," she says, raising one eyebrow.  
"That's what I thought. Do me a favor and keep him here until I tell you to let him go."  
"Not a problem."  
"Oh, and one more favor."  
"Boy, you sure are asking for a lot Four."  
"Yeah, I know. Could I have a pain killer and a couple of those pills that reduce swelling and bruising?"  
"Only if you tell me why."  
"Lynn. Please."  
She stares at me for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. "Fine. I don't know what you're up to, but I will deny everything," she says with a wink.  
"Thanks. I owe you one."  
"More like three."  
She hands me the pills and I give her a  _trust me I know what I'm doing_  look before heading back to my apartment.

I close the door behind me quietly.  
"Hey."  
"Hey. You're up. Do you remember what happened?"  
"I remember Peter," she says quietly, lost in her own thoughts.  
I grab a glass and pour her some water. "You should take these," I say, handing her the pills.  
"What are they?"  
"The blue one is a pain killer, the two white ones will help with your swelling and bruising." I watch as she absentmindedly rubs her neck before taking just the white pills. "How do you feel?"  
"Sore."  
"I know you're going to refuse, but would you like me to take you to the infirmary?"  
"No."  
"Okay. Then you're going to have to let me check you out. Make sure you're not seriously injured. And if you are, I'm taking you. Agreed?" She nods and stands. "Slowly," I say, reaching my hands out to steady her. "You were unconscious for almost half an hour. I don't want you rushing through this."

She looks down at her torn shirt. There are some scratches visible on her stomach. Her hands are already forming scabs. I watch as she pulls at the button on her pants, with a quizzical look on her face. Her eyes go wide and fill with tears as she quickly buttons them back up. I am about to explode with the realization of where Peters other hand was, but I stop. This is not about me.

"It's okay Beatrice. It's only you and me here. You can let go. You can trust me." She nods slowly and lets the tears finally fall. I cup her face and run my thumbs across her cheeks, catching her tears.  
"You saved me," she says as she looks into my eyes. "If you weren't there, I don't know what-" she trails off.  
"Shh. Let's not talk about that right now. Are you okay enough to let me check you out?" She nods. I start at her neck. Unless these pills have a miracle inside them, she is never going to be able to hide this. "Does it hurt when I do this?" I ask as I move her head side to side, front to back.  
"No."  
"Good."

I lift each arm, rolling her shoulders and feeling down her arms and hands, inspecting for injuries. She shakes her head. "This is going to be the hard part. I need to check your ribs. Make sure none are broken. So I'm going to need you to lift your shirt." She crosses her arms across her body and recoils a bit. "Tris, I know this is hard, but it's me. It's just me."  
"What happened to Beatrice?"  
I am caught off guard by this question. "What?"  
"You called me Beatrice earlier, but just now you called me Tris."

She's right. I didn't even realize I did it. I smile. "Beatrice is gone. You are Tris now. Tris the brave. Tris the strong. Tris that isn't going to lie down and take this without a fight." She thinks about what I said, uncrosses her arms and lifts her shirt, exposing her back and stomach only. I gently press on each rib. "Well, I think you're okay. Probably just going to have a lot of bruising. I'll get you some more pills tomorrow. But right now you should take the pain killer and get as much rest as possible."  
"Would you walk me back to the dorm?"  
"No way. You're staying put. I'm not letting you go back there to stay alone after what happened."  
"But Four I-"  
"Tris. I'm not going to debate this with you."

I walk over to my dresser and grab her a shirt. "Here. If you want, since yours is ripped."  
She doesn't argue and takes the shirt. "Turn around." I give her a small smile before turning around. It's not intentional, but I catch the reflection of her face in my mirror. She is more relaxed now, and I hope it's because she feels safe with me. She looks up and catches my eyes. "I'm finished."

My shirt looks good on her, even though it could probably fit two of her in it. I look down and see part of a fresh bruise on her thigh. "Your legs. I didn't think to check." I look up and those beautiful dark gray eyes are still staring right into mine. She sits on the bed and stretches her legs out. I sit next to her and push my shirt up her thigh. My heart races as she watches me. I realize I have been looking for way too long, so I try to break the awkwardness that has crept in with a joke. "It's a pretty big bruise. We may have to amputate," I say, grinning. It takes her a moment before she laughs a little. I've really missed that laugh.

"I think I'm ready for bed now."  
"Okay. Scoot up and I'll cover you." She moves and I pull the covers out from under her, tucking her in tight. I decide to leave the light on for her, but I partly cover it with a shirt to dim it, grab an extra blanket and pull my chair over next to the bed.

"So, what's it like?" she asks after a few minutes.  
"What's what like?"  
"Dauntless. Living here."  
"You know Abnegation?"  
She laughs. "I think I'm familiar."  
"It's pretty much the opposite."

She is silent for a long time before saying "Good." I watch her get lost in her thoughts for a while before she makes eye contact. She motions over her neck and body, unable to find the words to the question her eyes are asking.  
"Why?" I ask. She nods. "Because he's a coward. You made a fool out of him today, and his ranking will suffer for it." I focus all of my attention on her as she processes this information. While the answer is simple, it doesn't make it any easier to understand.

Tears are starting to form again, so I try take her mind off of it. "Tris, do you know what the scariest moment of my life was?"  
"No."  
"Pulling you out of that net."  
She is silent for a while. "Why?" she asks softly, wiping the tears from her face.  
"I never thought I would see you again. And then suddenly, there you were. And every hope and every wish and every fear I ever had came crashing down on me all at once. All I could think about was how could I keep you safe here? Or how could I tell you everything I always wanted to say to you? And what if...what if you-" I stop, not knowing how to say out loud  _what if you hated me for leaving you._

The silence is a lot longer this time. I close my eyes, convinced I've really messed it all up, when almost inaudibly I hear her say "Tobias."  
"Yes?"  
"Will you hold me until I fall asleep?"  
She rolls onto her side, facing away from me. I hesitate only for a moment, and smile, thankful that I make her feel safe. I curl around her and gently place my hand on her hip before nestling my face into her neck.  
"Will you say it again?" I whisper softly.  
"Tobias."  
It feels good to hear my name again.

Only a few minutes pass before Tris' body relaxes and her breathing slows. I place a small kiss on her shoulder before carefully sneaking out of my bed. I grab the blanket and curl up in my chair, leaving one hand on my bed, just in case.

 


	12. Chapter 12

My eyes flutter open and I can see that it's very early morning. 5:48 to be exact. Tris hasn't moved from the spot she fell asleep in. Good. I watch her for a moment before switching my alarm off. I'll let her sleep as long as possible. I grab some clean clothes and take a shower. I'm rubbing a towel over my head when I walk out of the bathroom, and hear a small, "Hey."  
"Oh you're up. Did I wake you?"  
"Yeah. But it's okay."  
"How are you feeling."  
"Like someone tried to strangle me," she says with a small laugh.  
I frown. "Speaking of, what do you want to do with Peter?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I can report this."  
"What would happen if you did?"  
"More than likely he would be kicked out of Dauntless."  
"Factionless?"  
"Well, yeah."

She looks down for a long while before asking, "What would you do?"  
"What I would do is irrelevant. You should do what you feel is right." I pause for a moment and search Tris' face. "I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong."  
"What am I thinking?"  
"That you would be the one responsible for making him Factionless. But that's not true. Peter made that decision the second he decided to lay his hands on you. He is the one who has to live with the consequences, not you."  
"I don't know if I could live with myself afterwards," she whispers.

I wait a moment to see if she changes her mind before going into the bathroom. "Come on. You need a bath."  
"Wow. Thanks a lot."  
"I didn't say you smelled. I said you needed a bath. I spent a lot of time punishing myself after coming here, so I know a thing or two about taking the pain away." I draw her a bath, pouring in the different oils and salts that used to use to ease my pain. "Come on. Here's a clean towel. You soak, I'll be back."  
"Where are you going?"  
"To free Peter."

I catch Lynn just as her shift is ending.  
"What are we doing with your guy in there? He seems pretty pissed that he wasn't able to leave."  
I rub my neck and reluctantly say, "Let him go."  
She lifts both eyebrows at me this time. "So, no explanations? Just hold onto this dude and let him go in the morning?"  
"Something like that. And can I get a couple more of the bruising pills?"  
I watch her walk off in a huff, returning with more than two pills this time. "You're lucky I like you." She punches me in the arm before shoving me out the door. I make a quick stop in the cafeteria on my way back and grab two muffins.

"Tris, I'm back. I grabbed you a muffin."  
"Okay," she calls out from my bathroom. I set the muffins down before it even dawns on me; Tris is in my bathtub. A long time ago I imagined myself marrying her, but after I came to Dauntless, I tried my best to forget about her. I can't say I was very successful. My hands start to sweat at the reality that lies before me.  
"Tobias?" she calls out, breaking my little daydream.  
"Yeah?"  
"I feel weird being in here, like, alone. Come talk to me."

My heart starts doing that thing where it feels the need to take a vacation all around my body. "Okay," I call back, nervously. I open the door slowly, apprehensive of what I will see. I laugh out loud when I walk in. She's pulled the curtain closed.  
"What's so funny?"  
"Me."  
"Care to elaborate?"  
"No. I'm just...nevermind."  
"So. I thought that maybe we could talk about the past two years," she says bluntly.  
"Uhh, sure."  
"What did you mean when you said you spent a lot of time punishing yourself?"

I sigh. I should have known she wouldn't let that one slide. "Well, I felt a lot of guilt from putting myself first. Defying my father. Leaving you." I pause but she doesn't say anything. "So after passing my initiation, I spent a lot of time taking that guilt out in the training center. I would push myself until I broke, nightly. I refused to be that weak boy anymore. My hands bled; muscles burned. I put up a wall. I fought anyone who even looked at me the wrong way. Literally. I drank. A lot. I wasn't a very nice person to be around." I'm still not, really. "Okay. Enough about me. Your turn."

"Me? Well, on your choosing day, I volunteered to be there for the new initiates. I wanted to be there to welcome you back." She trails off, staying silent for a few moments.  
"I'm sorry," I say quietly.  
"Don't be. I understand. Now. At first though I was angry and hurt. I vowed to never be anything but selfless ever again, so that's what I did. From that day forward I immersed myself with the Factionless. Helping and volunteering. Community service every evening. Never being even a smidgeon out of place. Abnegation through and through."

"So what changed?"  
"Funny story really. At my choosing I watched Caleb choose Erudite and-"  
"Wait. You're brother chose Erudite?" I interrupt.  
"Yeah. I was just as shocked as you are. No, actually. I was mad. Really mad. And then it was my turn, and, well, Abnegation was the host this year, so I uhh..."  
I can tell she's searching for the right words to tell me. "What did he do?" I clench my jaw after I say it, trying to remain calm.  
"When he handed me my knife, he called Caleb selfish. But I think he really meant me. So I decided to show him just how selfish I was."  
I smile. "Tris, did you choose Dauntless to tell Marcus off?"  
She laughs. "Yeah. In a way I guess you could say I kinda did."  
"If you weren't naked right now, I'd kiss you." I smack myself in the forehead as soon as I say it. She laughs, but I'd really like to melt into the floor right about now.

"So...am I the first girl you've had in your bathtub?"  
 _What?_  "Yes."  
"Am I the first girl you've had sleep in your apartment?"  
 _What the fu-_  "Well, no."  
"Oh."  
 _Shit. Shit._  "I mean, it wasn't like that."  
"Like what?"  
"I just mean I've had some friends over, and sometimes they pass out and I don't wake them."  
"Oh. So...friends then."  
 _Well, this is awkward._ "Tris. Just say what's really on your mind."  
I hear her huff before saying, "Do you have a girlfriend?"  
"No."  
"Have you? I mean, I see the way girls act around you. And that's just the cafeteria."  
 _I take it back. Abort. Abort._ "No. Well, kind of. But not really."  _Jesus, Tobias. Just shut up._  
"Oh. Okay."  
The silence between us now is deafening. "Okay then. Why don't you get out and we can have breakfast."

She comes out of the bathroom wearing her ripped clothes from last night. Any amount of confidence she had seems to have vanished at the sight of them.  
"We'll stop by the dorms so you can change," I say as I walk over to her. She is standing in front of my mirror, so I turn her around. "Look."  
"I'm not sure I want to."  
"Tris. Do you trust me?" She nods. "Then look."

I stand behind her, watching her look at herself in the mirror. Her bruising, while visible, is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. She runs a hand over her neck and down her collarbone. She lifts the left side of her shirt and inspects her side. The bruising looks worse here, but it can be covered. She runs her hand down her side, pressing gently every so often. I hate seeing her like this. I reach out and brush her hair off to one side exposing her neck, and run my hand over her bruising. She closes her eyes and lets out a small sigh. "Tris. I'll always be here to protect you."  
She turns and looks me in the eyes. "I don't need to be protected."  
I cup my hands around the back of her neck and pull her close, angling her face up to mine. "I know," I say. "I just want  _you_  to always remember that." I look into her eyes for a moment longer before saying, "Now let's eat."

* * *

We walk through The Pit together, Tris behind me in case anyone sees us. When we reach the dorms, I motion for her to wait while I make sure it's empty. "All clear. I'll wait here for you."  
"Okay." Hardly any time passes before she is back. "Tobi- _Four,_  what's going to happen when I walk in there?" She asks as we head towards the cafeteria.  
"They're going to stare and ask questions."  
"I know that. I mean, we're going to walk in together. And I didn't stay in the dorms last night. And my neck-" she says, stopping short.  
"Look. I know it's hard, but ignore it. In fact, be proud of that bruise. Wear it like it's a prized possession."  
She gives me a confused look before asking, "What about Peter?"  
I shrug ."What about him?" She frowns a bit, considering her options. "Tris, where are you?"  
"Dauntless."  
"Right. And do you  _want_  to be here?"  
"Yes.  
"Then you're going to have to let Abnegation go. I told you, Beatrice is gone. You, Tris, are here now, and you are braver than you realize."

She thinks a moment before looking up into my eyes. "Wanna go skinny-dipping?" She says, grinning.  
"There you are." I grin back. "Now come on. You've got some asses to kick."  
I turn to walk into The Pit when I feel a hand on mine. Tris pulls me towards her slowly, and I can feel her gaze, first on my arms, then across to my torso before making it up to my eyes.  
"Tris I-"  
"Shh," she cuts me off before standing up on her tip-toes and kissing me. It's just as quick as it was in Amity, but this time she has found my lips. I try to kiss her back, but she is already gone. I watch her round the corner, head held high, and smile.

* * *

**Tris**

I know Tobias is right. I need to let Abnegation go. I also need to show my bravery. I take a long deep breath and walk into the cafeteria.  
"Tris! There you are! We have been so worried. Whe-" Christina stops short when she sees me. "Tris, what happened?"  
"Nothing. I'm fine really. Stop giving me that look. Is there any bacon left?" I ask as I sit down at the table and grab two slices, trying to ignore the silence at the table. Peter sits almost directly across from me. I stare at him as I eat, noticing everyones heads moving back and forth between my bruised neck and his broken nose out of the corner of my eye.

Al gets up from his seat at the end of the table and sits next to me. I can tell he's staring at Peter too. After a few moments, he is the one to break the silence. "What do you think we're going to learn today, Tris?"  
"I don't know, Al. Maybe Four could teach us how to defend ourselves against choke holds. Seems like useful information to have."  
Peter's hand stops mid-way to his mouth, realizing what I just said. He looks up to see the entire table glaring at him. "Oh fuck off," he says as he shovels the rest of his plate in his mouth.  
I feel Al place one of his large hands on the small of my back, and I'm actually grateful for his fondness at this moment. Will, Christina and Al are the best friends I could ever ask for. We clear our plates and head to the training center together, joking about Peter along the way.

"Initiates, today we will be teaching you to shoot a gun," Eric yells out for everyone to hear. "As we near the end of phase one, it is of utmost importance you succeed today. This will affect your rankings. Grab a gun from the table and follow me to your targets."

I panic a little. I've never even seen a gun up close, let alone shot one. And now I'm supposed to be perfect at it in one day? I grab a gun, making sure to point it down as I follow. Four gives us very basic instructions about safety before showing us the proper way to shoot. I watch as he stands, feet evenly spread apart, both hands on the gun. His back and arm muscles tense as he fires, hitting the target dead center. He makes it look so easy.

I look at my target and emulate what I just saw. I spread my legs evenly and hold the gun with both hands. It takes me a few minutes to figure out how to line up the sights, but when I do, I pull the trigger. My hands immediately fly upwards, missing the target completely. I had no idea a gun was this powerful. I try again, and although this time my hands are more controlled, I still miss the target. After many repeats of this, I notice Will smiling next to me.  
"What's so funny?" I ask him.  
"Nothing at all. It's actually kinda cute seeing that gun almost take you down every time. Even Christina's hit the corner of her target."  
"Hey!" Christina says from Will's other side. He shrugs at her while she sticks her tongue out at him.  
"Thanks for the confidence boost there, Will," I say.

I take a deep breath and try to clear my head. Four has been standing off to one side of the firing range observing us, but I catch him staring directly at me. I stare back for a moment and watch him look at Peter, my target then back at me. I give a small nod and aim, this time for Peter's head. Closing one eye I focus on the center of the target and pull the trigger. I hit the ring just outside the bullseye.  
"Hey! Go Tris!" Will yells out. I actually hear Peter scoff out loud from down the line.  
"Do you think you can do better?" Four yells from the sidelines. Peter makes no effort to respond. "That's what I thought. Perhaps you should keep your eyes on your own target and keep practicing if you wish to remain at Dauntless."

I can't say I'm upset at Peter being called out in front of everyone.

We finish the day with everyone being able to hit their bullseyes with ease, celebrating with Dauntless cake for dinner once more. Just before lights out, Will, Christina and Al make it very clear to Peter that if he so much as breathes in my direction, he's going to be very sorry he did. I fall asleep quickly, exhausted and sore.

"Everybody up! This is not a drill." I open my eyes to see Eric standing in the doorway, gun in hand. "You have three minutes to get dressed and meet us in the hallway. We have a situation and need everyone, including the initiates, to grab a gun and follow the instructions we give you."

 


	13. Chapter 13

We quickly get dressed and line up in the hallway that leads to The Pit. Four and Eric are waiting with a rack full of guns. I can hear yelling coming from what feels like the entire compound. Eric has to raise his voice to be heard. "A situation has arisen, everyone take one of these guns. Myra, Edward, Peter, Molly, you're with me. The rest of you with Four." I grab a gun and stand next to Christina. I feel Al and Will right behind us.

"Okay. The power to the Pit has been cut, so the only light we have is the moon coming through the glass ceiling. We don't know how many there are, only that they are heavily armed!" Four shouts. "Everyone grab one of these barrels. We didn't teach you to shoot with these guns yet, but they're your best defense. You lock in the barrel like this and pull the trigger. Very simple. If you run out of ammo, make your way back here for more. Are we clear?" Everyone just sort of looks at each other.  _No_ I think.  _Who is the enemy and why are we fighting?_  I'm trying to be as brave as I can, but I can't stop shaking.  
"Hell no!" Molly yells over the noise. "I sure as hell didn't sign up to get killed before I even make it through initiation!"  
"Too late. Go!" Eric yells as he runs out the door.  
"You heard your instructor! Go!" Four yells at the other half of our group.  
"Oh for crying out loud, move," Peter says, shoving his way out the door. The others follow.

Four peers out the door for a moment before turning to us and saying, "I'm not as mean as Eric. These are paintball guns, and we are at war with whoever is out there. Which is easily a couple hundred Dauntless. So don't get hit. It hurts like hell."  
"Wait. You woke and scared the shit out of us for a  _game?_ " Christina says in disbelief.  
"Yeah. Welcome to Dauntless," he says with a big smile. "Now let's go."  
I decide that my best line of defense is to stick with Four. I make my way right up to him. He peeks out the door before looking back. "Ready?" he asks the group while looking at me. I nod. We sneak out of the door and make our way to the cafeteria, which is also dark.

"We can take a few minutes to allow our eyes to adjust to the darkness here. It will seem brighter when you go back into The Pit," he tells us.  
"Is it a competition?" Al says quietly.  
"Yes and no. If you win you can walk around here pretending you're better than everyone until something else comes along. Otherwise it's just a bunch of us letting off steam and having fun," Four answers.  
"And how do you win?" Will asks.  
"You're either covered in the least amount of paint, or you're the last man standing, depending on how long this lasts. We've been known to do this until dawn."  
"Should we pair up?" I hear Al again.  
"You can if you want to."

I feel Al come a little bit closer to me. "Do you want to be my partner?" he asks, shyly.  
"I umm, actually I was thinking of pairing up with Four," I state, hoping it's an option.  
"Well that's not fair," Christina teases.  
"Hey, don't be mad you didn't think of it first. It's fine with me. The three of you should stick together. Maybe help Al out a little bit since he's going to have a harder time finding some cover," Four answers.  
My eyes have adjusted, and I can tell Al is disappointed. Will and Christina are just smiling at each other.  
"Okay. That's good enough. We're gonna go left, you three should go right," Four says as he peeks out the door. He grabs my hand before taking one last look. Christina notices and gives me a small nudge before I am dragged out into The Pit.

Four and I creep along the edge towards The Chasm. I can see people running back and forth shooting each other, people hiding behind tables and under the stairs that lead up to the glass ceiling.  
"Over here," Four says, pulling me into a small alcove in the wall. "We'll be safe here for a while. Most people don't think to look here."  
I press my back against Four, trying to stay hidden as someone runs by. "There's not a lot of room here, is there?" I joke nervously. "Should we find somewhere else?"  
"If you want we can. But I kinda like it here."  
Truthfully, I do too. "So are we just going to hide here all night then?"  
"No. I thought we could survey what's out there. Find some easy targets."  
I peer around the corner and take in the chaos. When I was younger, I would often try to imagine what the other factions were like. My wildest fantasies couldn't have possibly come up with this. I smile.  
"Hey," I say, nudging Four, "I think I see one right now."

Peter is hiding behind a table about 20 feet away.

"I'll draw him out, you shoot him," Four says with a grin. I nod, following behind closely. Four creeps up and puts his gun to Peter's head.  
"What the hell?" Peter yells out, panicked.  
I come out from behind Four, pointing my gun at Peter's head too.

He looks between the two of us for a moment, and a snarl forms on his teeth. "So this  _is_  who you were waiting for," he says, sounding disgusted. "I've been wondering if it was coincidence him showing up like that. But now I get it. You're banging the instructor to get a passing grade."  
I feel a couple paintballs hit my back, but I don't care. I kick the table away. "Stand up you coward."  
"Tris-" Four starts. I can tell he's just as angry as I am, but I shoot him a look and he stops.  
"I said stand."  
Peter rolls his eyes and stands. "What are you gonna do? Shoot me?" He says sarcastically.  
"Yes actually," I say as I start shooting. And I don't stop.  
"Ow dammit!" Peter yells as he jumps around trying to avoid being shot. "You bitch!"  
"Well you're the idiot still standing here," Four says, grinning.  
Peter shoots us both nasty looks as he walks away. I turn and point my gun at Four.  
"Hey now! That's treason! No shooting your instructor!" he yells as he points his gun at me. I give him an innocent smile before shooting him right in the chest. "Cheater!" he yells as he chases after me.

"Tris!" I hear as I run by the stairs.  
"Christina!" I yell back at her. She's covered in paint. "Where's Will and Al?"  
"They took off shooting each other and left me to fend for myself. I'm getting my ass kicked out here!" she says, laughing. "Where's Four?"  
"I turned on him. Shot him and ran."  
She laughs harder. "Good girl. Now let's go find them all and make them bleed."

We spend the next few hours running and shooting until the paintballs run out. We are covered from head to toe in blue, red, yellow and green.  
"I could get used to this amount of crazy," Cristina says as we sit around a table, winding down.  
"Christina, you are this amount of crazy," Will says before planting a kiss on her forehead.  
"Hey," Four says as he walks over. "Meeting in The Pit tomorrow at 6. Rankings and first cuts." I watch as he walks away. He glances back just before walking through the dorm hallway door.  
"It's like 5 in the morning. We should get some sleep," Christina says.

When we walk through the door, Four is at the racks putting away guns. Christina quickly grabs the guns out of Al's and Will's hands and shoves them into mine. "You can thank me later," she whispers in my ear before grabbing Will and Al and dragging them into the dorm.  
"Well. It seems you're the last man standing," Four says.  
"Oh? Does that mean I get a prize? Like a bed of nails to sleep on to make me tougher?"  
He smiles. "No. It just means everyone else is already in there passed out." He takes the guns from me one by one, brushing his fingertips against mine each time. My heart skips a beat, and I think back to the first time we touched like this.

"Four? I'm scared."  
"About tomorrow? Don't be. There's no way you're leaving."  
"I know. I'm scared for who is." My thoughts drift to Peter and what he said. "Do you think he'll tell?"  
"Peter? No. He's not that stupid. He knows he would be out in an instant after what he did to you." He takes a step forward, now standing only inches away. I stare at his chest and watch him breathe in and out for a moment before placing my hand on it. He places one hand over mine, the other under my chin, bringing my face up towards his. "Tris, I..." he pauses like he's looking for the right words to say, "I just-"

I don't let him finish. I take his face into my hands and I kiss him. His lips are soft and warm, and I like the way they feel on mine. He runs his hands up my back and over my neck, running his fingers into my hair. I pull away only to catch my breath.  
"I should go," I say, looking deep into his eyes.  
"Okay," he says, smiling. I turn to leave when I feel a hand pull me back. He wraps his arms around me and whispers into my hair, "I don't ever want to let you go." He holds on tightly for a minute before releasing me. I can't stop smiling as I walk to the dorms.

* * *

It's almost 1 in the afternoon when I wake up. I take advantage of everyone still sleeping and take a much needed shower.  
"Morning Tris," Christina says as she walks into the bathroom.  
"Hey," I say as she watches me brush my hair. "What?"  
"Let me do your hair," She says. I narrow my eyes at her. "Oh come on. It'll be fun."  
"Okay, fine."  
"Good. I'll go get my makeup bag."  
"I didn't say anything about makeup!" I yell as she darts out the door.

After many lifetimes, or at least that's how long it feels, Christina finally lets me look in the mirror. I almost don't recognize myself. I'm used to seeing a plain girl, clothed in plain gray, hair in a plain bun. But here is a girl dressed in all black. Hair pulled to a ponytail on one side with loose braids all throughout. Eyelashes long and black, enclosed in a mix of purple and gray. Lips a shiny version of themselves. I touch my face, making sure it really is me.

"Girl, you look amazing," Christina says with a smile. "Thanks to me, of course."  
"Christina, I...I don't know what to say."  
"You don't need to say anything. You can, however, thank me after he sees you."  
"He?" I say quickly, blushing.  
"Yes, he," she says with a wink. "Okay. My turn. I'll teach you after I shower."

After teaching me what every single thing in her bag does, I successfully make Christina 'look human'. Her words. We head to the cafeteria with Will to grab a late lunch before the rankings are announced.  
"Oh. I almost forgot. After I was abandoned last night, I met a Dauntless initiate named Uriah. He was super nice. Anyways, he says there's a big feast for dinner and then there's always a huge party after rankings. Everyone gets together in The Pit and parties until dawn." She gives Will a look. "He also invited me personally to his brother's private party."  
"Is that right?" Will says, raising one eyebrow. "And what did you say?"  
"Oh I played it cool and said maybe. I didn't want to make anything  _official._ "  
I watch as they stare at each other in awkward silence. Suddenly it dawns on me what's going on. "Umm, I think I'll leave you two alone for a moment." I scoot out as fast as I can, and smack right into Eric.

"Stiff? Is that you? Well don't you clean up nicely," he says as he looks me up and down. His eyes linger for a moment on my chest before he says, "Good luck tonight. I'm interested in seeing more of you." He looks me over once more before adding, "You know, what you can do in the next stage." He smiles at me before leaving the cafeteria.

"What did he say to you?"  
I jump, not realizing Four was even in the cafeteria, let alone standing right behind me. He moves around to my side as I answer. "He told me good luck and that he can't wait to see me in the next stage." I don't really want to discuss the rest of it.  
"Keep your distance from him. Trust me." He places a hand on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "You look amazing," before walking out of the cafeteria.

* * *

We gather in The Pit at 6 and wait. The Dauntless are a wild bunch, and after many attempts, Max finally calms them down enough to call out the rankings. "Welcome initiates to the conclusion of the first phase of your initiation. Now, there are fourteen of you, and after tonight, there will only be twelve. I will call out your names, starting with the highest ranked. It will be a mix of both Dauntless borns and transfers. If you do not hear your name, please follow Eric to my office." My heart pounds. Christina slides her hand into mine and squeezes; I hold on as tight as I can. We watch Max lean in and have a quick talk with Eric, Four and Lauren who I remember was training the Dauntless borns.

"Okay. First up we have Cruz." The Dauntless roar to life, in celebration that one of their own is top ranked. As he makes his way to the stage, Max calms them again. "Frankie, Uriah..." This must be who Christina was talking about. "Will, Edward, Peter..."  _Will!_ Christina and I clap and scream. Will is the highest ranked in our class and I am so proud of him. Christina throws kisses in his direction. "Christina, Molly, Marlene..." I scream for Christina, but I'm starting to get nervous. There are only three spots left. "Tris, Mel..."  _Tris! That's me!_  I stumble on my way to stand with the others. Christina and Will are screaming for me now. The three of us hug each other. "And our final name belongs to...Al."  
 _Al!_ I know how scared he has been. I think I scream the hardest for him. He sheepishly makes his way over to the group and the three of us tackle him.

"We did it!" Christina shouts over the noise in The Pit, taking turns hugging Al and I and kissing Will. I know we are supposed to be happy, and I am, but I look back at Myra. Her face is in complete shock. The crowd moves all around her, yet she stands still. I never really got to know her, and a part of me feels guilty for that. I see someone run from our group and wrap their arms around her. It's Edward. I watch as he takes her face in his hands and kisses her all over. That's right. They were both Erudite. I never even paid enough attention to notice that they were together. Eric walks over and motions for her to follow him. Edward and her get into a small argument before leaving together with Eric.

"Hello! Are you in there Tris?" Christina says as she waves her hand in front of my face.  
"Huh? What? Oh, yeah. I'm here."  
"I was just saying we need to celebrate! Let's go eat and then party until dawn!"  
Will let's out a loud "Woooooo!" as the four of us head to our celebratory dinner.


	14. Chapter 14

"Should we head over to Uriah's party now?" Will asks Christina.  
"I don't mean to pry, but what was that all about anyways?" I ask.  
"Oh, nothing. Just that  _someone_  was taking his sweet time in officially asking me to be his girlfriend."  
"What? I was trying to think of something romantic," Will states defensively.  
"Officially?" I thought they were already official. Then again, what do I know about relationships? "Well, I'm happy for you two," I say with a smile. "I think we should go."  
"Al?"  
"Yeah, all right."  
"Well then it's settled. We party like the Dauntless till the break of dawn!" Christina yells as she pumps her fist in the air, followed by cheers from the Dauntless in the cafeteria.

We head into The Pit, and it is pure chaos. A large crowd is dancing to loud thumping music playing from the stage. Another is passing out what I assume is alcohol to everyone. I see a few people run by with paintball guns. Sometimes I wonder how anything gets done around here. We stop walking and I realize that Christina has no idea where she's going.

"He said it was in room 1338," she shouts over the noise before shrugging.  _That's just down the way from Four._  I motion for them to follow me. We pile into the elevator and I push 13. I catch the three of them are staring at me in the reflection of the doors as they close.  
"What?"  
"How do you know where to go?" Christina asks.  
"I've been up here before."  
"How? Why? With who?"  
I sigh. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell them everything.

I touch my neck. "When this happened. Peter had attacked me. I wasn't able to fend him off. He practically had me dangling over The Chasm, when Four-" I trail off, lifting the left side of my shirt and showing them the lingering bruise on my ribs. "I had passed out and when I came to, I saw my shirt was ripped and my pants were...I spent the night in his apartment to be kept away from Peter. "  
Christina's mouth hangs open as Will places a caring hand on my shoulder. It's Al though who speaks up first.  
"I'm sorry Tris. I should have followed."

I press the stop button on the elevator to keep us alone for a few minutes longer.  
"Followed? Al, what do you mean?"  
"I heard you get up and leave that night. I thought maybe you were just going to take a walk or something because you couldn't sleep. A few minutes after that I heard someone else get up. I couldn't tell if it was Molly or Peter, but I should have followed. They both hate you and if I had followed this wouldn't have happened. I didn't even get up when I heard them come back and not you. Instead I just went to sleep. I'm such a coward. I don't belong here."

We stand in silence together before the elevator lets out a loud buzz and continues up.  
"You shouldn't blame yourself Al," Will finally says.  
I watch the tears start to form in Al's eyes when Will asks, "Why is he still here?"  
"What?"  
"Peter. Why didn't he get kicked out?"  
"We didn't report it."  
"Why not?"  
"He would have been Factionless," I say.  
"So?" Christina says. "It's better than he deserves."  
"You haven't seen them the way I have. I could never live with myself knowing that I was the reason."  
"But Tris, you're not the reason."  
"I know, Will. I know."  
"What were you doing out anyways?" Christina asks.  
I look away, avoiding both Al's tears and Christina's Candor eyes. "Taking a walk, just like Al said."  
The doors open and I grab Christina's arm. "Enough of that. Let's go meet your friend and celebrate."

The apartment looks just like Four's, only filled to brim with people.  
"Hey! You made it!" I hear a voice call out. A tall boy with dark skin and a big smile greets us at the door.  
"Hey Uriah! These are my friends Al and Tris, and this is my boyfriend Will."  
"Hey guys. Welcome, welcome. This is my brother Zeke's apartment. He's the one over in the kitchen that looks like a less cuter version of me. Now, let's go get ourselves a drink and celebrate!" He shouts, followed by everyone cheering and taking a drink.

We follow Uriah over to the kitchen. I've never had alcohol before. It smells awful, so I take a small sip, and it tastes just as bad as it smells. But judging how willingly everyone else drinks it down, you must get used to it.  
"Hey guys, this is my brother Zeke. Zeke, these are some of the cool kids this year."  
"Ahh, transfers?" We nod. "Cool. Nice to meet you guys. I don't think you'll know anyone here. Except maybe Four." I see Christina smile at me out of the corner of my eye, and I try my best to ignore her. "Make yourselves at home!" Zeke says before getting back to hosting.

"So, Four's here," Christina whispers in my ear while elbowing me in the ribs.  
"And?"  
"And go find him."  
"Christina, he's our  _instructor_."  
"So? I've seen the way you are around him. And he tries to hide it, but I can see right through it. Go," she says, shoving me towards the middle of the room. "Have a good time. Maybe kiss your boy. Hell, kiss all the boys!" she yells out, the people in the room responding with a series of whoops.  
I smile at her with a look of thanks on my face. She winks and turns her attention to Zeke, asking him if he could teach her how to make the drinks he's serving.

For such a small apartment, it takes me a long time to navigate my way through. I finally find him sitting in the corner, in the same chair that's in his apartment.  
"Tris!" he yells loudly "What are you doing here?"  
"Uriah invited Christina, so we all came."

He gets up to offer me the chair, stumbling in the process. He manages to stay upright thanks to grabbing onto some guy who had the misfortune of standing right here, right now.  
"Hey man! What the hell?" the guy yells out.  
"Sorry!" I yell back, grabbing Four off the poor guy. "I think he's just a little drunk."  
He leans into me and whispers rather loudly, "Tris, have I told you how beautiful you are?"  
"Yes, you have, actually," I say, pushing him off me and back into the chair. "And I'm going to assume you have had a lot to drink?"  
"No. Yes. Well, just a few." He grins at me.  
I roll my eyes. "Stay here. You need this chair more than I do. I'll get you something that doesn't have alcohol in it, okay?"  
"Yeah. Good luck finding that in here!" He yells out, laughing to himself.

He slumps down into the chair and closes his eyes as I make my way back through the crowd. Christina is in the kitchen with Zeke while Will, Al and Uriah cheer her and her newfound skills on. "Hey, Zeke? Can I have something to drink, like water?"  
"Water? What, are you quitting on us already?" Christina asks.  
"Not for me. Four is uhh, really, really drunk."  
Zeke starts cracking up before turning and rummaging through a drawer. "Plain food is better. This is a key to Four's apartment. It's number 1350 and it's just down the hall. If I'm ever hungry, I just go to his room. Bread and water work best." He winks at me as he hands me the key. I take it and go, smiling that I already know where he lives.

The apartment is cleaner than it was last time. It's sort of weird being in here, and yet, it's oddly comforting. I look around for a moment and think about us. The possibilities are endless. Will we stay just friends? Maybe become work partners? Eventually lovers? Could this be  _our_  apartment? I blush at my thoughts a little and quickly make my way to the kitchen. Zeke is right, the small fridge is full. I think about bringing him more than just bread, but since I've never been drunk, I stick with what Zeke told me and grab two slices. There is a small bottle of water in the fridge, so I grab that too.

"Here Zeke. Thanks," I yell as I toss him the key.  
"No problem Tris. Take care of my boy for me!"

I clutch the bread and water in my hands and slowly make my way through the crowd again. When I finally make it back, there's a couple kissing very passionately in the chair now.  _Dammit Four._ I turn to make my way through the crowd to find him, yet again, when it dawns on me what I just saw. I slowly turn back around. Long black hair. Lots of tattoos. Curvaceous in ways I am not. The room stands still as I make my way around the chair, allowing the boy in this equation to come into view. I watch as his hands run up her back and into her hair, fingers tangling into it, and I've seen enough. I head back to the dorms alone.

As I make my way through The Pit, I feel a gentle hand on my arm. "Did we scare you away?"  
"Oh. Hey Uriah. No. I'm just not feeling too well."  
"That usually happens when you drink anything my brother makes," he says with a big grin on his face.  
"It's not that, but I can imagine."

We stand together awkwardly for a few before Uriah speaks up. "I'm a good listener, if you want to talk about it."  
I don't, but I also don't really want to be alone either. "Sure."  
"Well alright! Let's go get some cake then. It makes everything better," he says as we walk to the cafeteria.

I like Uriah. We make small talk. I ask him what it's like growing up Dauntless, he what it's like in Abnegation. We discuss what jobs we might take before finally landing on our families.  
"I think it's really cool what you guys do for the Factionless. And your mom sounds like an amazing woman. She must be where you get your strength from."  
I smile. I never really thought of it that way before. "Thanks. She is amazing. I miss her."  
Uriah frowns. "I can't imagine life without Zeke. He's the biggest pain in my ass, but I love him. Do you have any siblings?"  
"I do. Caleb. He's in Erudite now."  
"Oh, wow. Is Abnegation that bad?" he jokes.  
"It's not. But it's definitely not me." I don't really want to talk about this anymore, so I change the subject. "So tell me more about Zeke. I feel like we could talk all night and you wouldn't have even scratched the surface of stories to tell me."

He laughs. "My favorite story is on his initiation day. He was first jumper right? But when they were on the roof, he was a little too cocky, and instead of jumping, he lost his balance and just fell. He wasn't even lined up with the hole and almost took his head off on the way down!"  
"What? I was terrified! I can't even begin to imagine what he was thinking."  
"I know! My mom almost killed him when she found out," he says, laughing. "One time he and Four got locked out of the compound all night. I think it was right after they finished stage two. Mom almost killed him then too. And Four."  
"Four?" I say, surprised.  
"I know, right? You would think that he's a jerk. But he's actually a pretty nice guy. At least he is when he's around my bother. They've pretty much been inseparable since day one. I think it's really Zeke though. Being a bad influence and all," he chuckles.  
My curiosities getting the best of me again. "Really? How so?"

"Well, he seems to only open up around certain people. And by certain people I mean Zeke. When he's alone, he's quiet, keeps to himself. When he's with Zeke? He actually speaks. And laughs! It's true! I've seen it with my own eyes. They sneak out. They get in trouble. They drink. Play pranks. He gets the girls, thanks to my brother. I don't think he's ever had an actual girlfriend though, come to think about it."  
I watch Uriah get lost in his thoughts for a moment before I say, "No, I think he might have."  
"Really? Who? He's like my second brother and I know nothing of this girl. Spill it," he says, leaning forward.

I try my best to hide my emotions, thinking back to the conversation we had in his bathroom. "I don't know her name, but I've seen her before. Long black hair. Lots of tattoos. Pretty."  
"Girl, you just described half of the female population."  
"That's all I know! I've seen them before, and then I saw them again tonight, making out."

Uriah rubs his hand on his chin, pondering the information I just gave him. "Wait. Does she have a giant rose on her thigh? And then a big skull on her arm?"  
"I think so. I know she has some sort of pattern down one arm."  
"Yep. That's just Mia," he says, waving his hand in the air. "She's definitely not his girlfriend."  
"Well they were sure acting like it."  
"Yeah. She likes him. Like a lot. And they kinda went on a date or two, but that was it. At least that's what I heard him tell Zeke. I eavesdrop a lot. I saw them kiss at a party once after that. He pushed her away and then she decked him afterwards. He probably just didn't feel like getting his ass kicked again."

I think about what Uriah said. It's possible it's true, but it doesn't excuse anything. If we're going to be together, he's going to have to make it clear to her, to everyone, that that is unacceptable behavior, ass-kicking or not.  _If we're going to be together?_ I think about it again when-  
"Hello? Are you in there Tris?" Uriah says, waving a hand in front of my face.  
"Oh. Sorry. Lost in thought."  
"Obviously. Hey, it's been nice talking with you. I'm gonna go check on Zeke real quick before taking my girl out. See you later?"  
"Absolutely."  
"Cool. And hey, good luck with the rest of initiation."  
"Thanks Uriah. You too."

I sit by myself for a little while longer and think, before heading to the dorms and passing out myself.

* * *

**Four**

I crack an eye and immediately close it. My head is pounding and it is entirely too bright in here. I shove my face into my pillow, squeezing my eyes shut tight before bringing my arm up to create a light barrier. I move my head only the slightest amount needed to check the time. 11:41. There's only one reason I could possibly feel this bad. Zeke. I smile into the pillow, thinking of all the shit we get ourselves into before trying hard to recall last night. Zeke's apartment. Alcohol. That's really all I can think of. I fumble for the blanket and pull it up over the back of my head, completely cocooning myself into darkness. I'm just about to drift back into a deep sleep when my eyes shoot open, heart thumping hard against my chest, startling a memory out of me.  _Tris_. I remember seeing her. Or do I? Perhaps I was just imagining her there, like always. My heart finally settles back down after a few, so I close my eyes once more, willing this headache to go away with a few more hours of sleep.

I roll over to make myself comfortable, stretching my arms straight out in front of me. When they run into something warm, I panic, pulling them back instantly. I reach out again. This time, it moves.  _There's someone in my bed_. I slowly reach up and pull the blankets down off of my head, finding a pair of brown eyes staring into mine.  
"Morning."

 _Mia_.

 


	15. Chapter 15

"Mia, what the hell are you doing in my bed?"  
"What like you don't remember?" she answers, licking her lips before coming in for a kiss.  
"Whoa. No," I say, putting my hands up and stopping her. "No, no, no, no."  
"Four, please. We are so past that game now."  
"What game?"  
"You know, this game. You pretend you don't want me, yet you kiss me and invite me back to your room."  
"Mia, I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is no game. And I did  _not_  invite you here. You need to leave."  
"Real funny Four."  
"Mia, I am not joking. Now."

Mia's face turns to anger. She climbs over me, giving me a solid blow to the top of my head before grabbing her shoes and coat. She slams the door on her way out, making my head pound even harder. I lay in bed and run my hand down my face, trying to figure out how I ended up here, but it's useless. Maybe Zeke has some answers. I crawl out of bed, only now noticing I'm fully clothed. Good. At least one mistake wasn't made. I fumble through the cupboard for aspirin before taking a shower. I stand there for quite some time, allowing the hot water to run all over my body, before getting dressed.

I doubt Zeke is up, but I knock anyways. "Zeke? It's Four. If you're up I really need a minute." I hear some noises before the door flies open.  
"Man. Do you know what time it is?"  
"Yeah," I look at my watch, "It's 12:35."  
"Dude."  
"I know, okay. Listen, what exactly happened last night?"  
"You're gonna have to be more specific."  
"Zeke. With me. Mia. She was in my bed this morning."  
"What? Finally! Hey man, we need to go out and celebrate this momentous occasion."  
"Zeke. No. And that didn't happen anyways. Why the hell was she there?"  
"You don't remember?"  
"I remember nothing."  
"Well, last I saw, you two were sucking face, literally. I finally shoved you out the door and aimed you to your apartment at like 2 this morning. Why?" I sigh deeply.

"Did I fuck up?" he asks with a look of concern on his face  
"Zeke, when don't you fuck up?"  
"Yeah. Good point. What's this really about then?"  
"Were there any initiates there?"  
"Yeah man. But don't worry. They were pretty hammered themselves. You'll still be able to scare the piss out of them in the morning," he says, slapping me on the shoulder.  
"Do you happen to remember who?"  
"Uhh, yeah. Christina and her boyfriend. And a big dude. Uhh...Al! Yeah, Al. Oh wait, there was the one who went to your apartment. What was her name?"  
My heart skips a beat. "Tris?" Zeke's eyes open up a little, realizing why I'm asking. While I haven't flat out told him I like Tris, I haven't exactly kept it a secret from him either.  
"She got you bread and water. I remember her saying you were pretty far gone. Guess it didn't help, did it."  
"No. Thanks Zeke."  
"No problem man." He frowns at me as I leave.

I head to the cafeteria, hoping that she left before she saw anything. I take a deep breath and walk in. The first thing I see is Mia, sitting with a group of her friends. They all stare as I walk by, Mia flipping me the bird. I give her one back, hoping she finally gets the hint. I grab some food and head to the initiates table. Tris is there, but so is everyone else.

"Afternoon. I guess congratulations are in order for you guys. Don't get too cocky though. You still have one more test to pass," I say, sitting down next to her.  
"Where's Edward?" Peter asks.  
"Yeah. After rankings he went with Myra and we haven't seen him since," Molly says.  
"He left."  
"Left?" the table says in astonishment.  
"With Myra."  
"So, does that mean only one person is leaving next round?" Peter asks.  
"I believe it does."  
They talk amongst themselves, but I don't listen. I can feel Tris' stare.  
"Don't you have somewhere else to sit?" she says under her breath.  
"No." The side of my head is on fire. I smile for a second, then turn and look at her.  
She stares intently for a moment before standing. "Christina, let's go shopping now."  
"You don't need to tell me twice!" she says, jumping up.

I watch them leave, hoping for a small glance back telling me I might be forgiven, but it doesn't come. I turn my attention back to the table and catch Will staring at me. He narrows his eyes a bit before giving me a small smile and a shrug. "Women."  
"You don't know the half of it," I say. I push my food around my plate for a few minutes before heading back to my apartment.

* * *

**Tris**

"What was that all about?" Christina asks as we walk the narrow pathways up to the storefronts.  
"What was what?"  
"You? Four?"  
I stare at her, not really wanting to talk about it right now. "Let's look in here," I say, darting into the first store I see.

Even though I really don't care about shopping, I know Christina does. It's good to hang out just the two of us. Plus, I don't have to worry about Four trying to be around.  
"Okay, I get it. You don't want to talk about it, so I won't ask again. But if you do, you know I'm here."  
"I know you are Chris," I say smiling. She throws her arms around me and squeezes tight before turning her attention to the clothes.

"Are you going to try anything on?" She yells out from a dressing room.  
"If I try something on, can we go?"  
"Funny Tris. Get your ass in here and put this on."  
I sigh and go in the room with Christina. I'm not as shy as I used to be. At least not with her.  
"Here," she says, shoving a small piece of thin fabric in my hands.  
"What is it?"  
"It's a dress."  
"Where's the rest of it?" I say, holding it up and examining it.  
"Will you just put it on?"  
"Fine."

I watch Christina admire her outfit in the mirror as I get undressed. She does have a knack for knowing what looks good. "Okay. How do I look."  
"Amazing. You have to get it. There's no way he-" she claps a hand over her mouth. "Sorry. I said I would drop it and I am. But trust me. Get the dress."

I look in the mirror, but I'm not sure who it is I see. My clothes are definitely Dauntless, but I run my hands over my face and through my hair, and all I see is Abnegation.  
"I'll get it. But I need some regular stuff too like shirts and pants."  
"I know the perfect things. Wait here."  
I get dressed while Christina grabs me a few pairs of pants, and a handful of small, thin tank tops. I raise an eyebrow as I look through what she grabbed. "What? You said shirts and a tank top is a shirt." She sticks her tongue out at me as she runs to the counter to pay for everything.

As we make our way back down the pathway, I notice a door I somehow missed on the way up. It's the same as the shower stalls, a covering over it that conceals, but not really. As I look to see what's inside, I hear Christina behind me. "Yes, yes. Tris. Yes. Let's do it. Tris."  
I hesitate for a small moment before answering her. "Okay."  
"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend? You know what? Don't answer that. Let's go," she says excitedly, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the doors.

"Do you know what you want to do?"  
"I have no idea. I never had a choice before." We look through a book with drawing after drawing, yet nothing catches my eye. "Christina. Help?"  
"Girl, I got this." She walks off, coming back after a few minutes, and introduces me to a man named Titan.  
"I see what you mean," he says as he shakes my hand. "Come with me, Tris."

I follow him back to a chair that sits in front of a mirror. He lifts my hair, pulling and twisting in various directions before whispering with Christina. He walks away, returning with a blanket, and covers the mirror.  
"Do you trust me?" Christina asks.  
"I'm starting to have my doubts," I answer with a smile.  
"Good. You're gonna love it."

Wash. Cut. Black goop that smells awful? "Christina. I completely trust you."  
"I know."  
"Which means I also have no problem kicking your butt if I hate it."  
"It's ass dear. You can say ass now. And I know," she responds, without taking her eyes off the drawing book. "Now, what do you think of this color?"

* * *

"Are you ready?" Titan asks me as he grabs the blanket.  
"I hope so."  
When he takes the blanket off the mirror I don't know what to say. I touch my face, making sure this isn't some cruel trick. I look older. And somehow... _stronger?_  I smile.  
"She likes it!" Christina yells out while Titan claps his hands. "Now move. It's my turn!"

I trade places with Christina and stare into the mirror that's in front of me. My hair is shorter now. One side rests on my shoulder, while the other side comes down to about the middle of my breast. The long side has been colored black all along the front half. If I hold my head just right, one side looks fiercely Dauntless, and the other side, while shorter, is still safely Abnegation. Maybe if I get a pair of glasses like the Erudite wear, I can be equal parts of my test results. "What do you call this?" I ask Titan.  
"Call what?"  
"This," I say, motioning to my hair.  
"The style? Asymmetrical."  
"I like it."  
"Thank you," he says, smiling.

I wait for Christina to finish. Her hair was short to begin with, so she simply colored it a bright fiery red on the bottom half, and with a few small cuts, her dark hair has red jutting all throughout. "Let's go home and change and then show off our new looks by going dancing."  
"Dancing? I don't know how." The idea appeals to me though. At this point, I would do anything to keep my mind from thinking about last night.  
"You don't need to know. Just let the music move you," she says as she runs out the door.

I let Christina put a little makeup on my eyes before changing into my new dress. "Well?"  
"Hot damn girl."  
I blush a little. "Thanks Chris." I roll my eyes and blush again when Al and Will whistle at us when we leave.

We make our way across The Pit to The Club. "This place doesn't have very original names, does it?" Christina jokes. The music is loud, but enjoyable. I stand off to the side for a while and watch the people moving to the different beats before finally giving in and joining Christina. The song starts slow. The others sway so I follow suit. I reach my hands into the air and close my eyes, allowing my body to move like it never has before. The music builds, and suddenly I am jumping to the rhythm. The music and the movement create a much needed release for me. When I open my eyes, I am startled to find Eric right in front of me. "Nice moves, Stiff," he yells. He grabs one of my hands and lifts it into the air, spinning me around. He looks me over before leaning in. "Guess I can't really call you Stiff anymore can I?" I sort of shrug and shake my head. "See you tomorrow," he says with a wink before heading to the other side of the club.

I turn and face Christina. Her mouth says what I'm thinking. "What the hell was that?"  
"I have no idea." We stare at each other for a moment before letting the music take back over.

* * *

"Wanna get out of here?" Christina asks some time later.  
"Very much." I like dancing, but I think I've had my fill for the evening. We find Will and Al in the cafeteria.  
"How was it?" Will asks.  
"Oh, you know. The usual. Hot guys hitting on us all night. We practically had to beat them off with sticks," Christina answers.  
Will smiles. "So you danced for a few hours before coming here for dinner?"  
"Exactly."

"So, Al and I had an idea."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah. Are you in or out?"  
Christina looks at me and rolls her eyes. "This can't be good."  
"What's the idea?" I ask.  
"Ahh. That's the fun part. We can't tell you. In, or out?"  
Christina and I stare at each other for a moment before answering "In," together.

After dinner we follow the boys into The Pit. They make their way to a set of double doors illuminated in red. "Ladies first," Will says, gesturing us in.  
"Oh yes! This is the perfect end to our day Tris!"  
I look around at the walls covered in black art. "Tattoos?"  
"Yeah. We thought that it would be a good way to celebrate making it past the first part of initiation," Al says.  
"Cool."

I look through the art on the wall. Snakes, skulls, roses, knives, guns, intricate patterns or swirls. The others take no time finding something they like, but I can't seem to find anything that fits me. As I wander around, I think about today, or more accurately, last night. I've changed everything about me. My clothes. My looks.  _Would my family would even recognize me anymore?_  That's when I see it. I take the art down off the wall and head to the back.

"Room 4 in the back is open," the guy behind the counter tells me. I head back there and find Tori drawing in a book.  
"Take a seat," she says without looking up. I sit. "Do you have your tattoo pi-" she stops when she sees me. "Wait. Do I know you?"  
"Yeah. Tris. Well, Beatrice then. Prior. You did my aptitude test."  
She stands and looks into the hallway before closing her door. "What are you doing here," she whispers.  
"Getting a tattoo."  
She gives me a look before saying, "In Dauntless. I figured you would have went with Abnegation."  
"I was going to, but I chose Dauntless at the last minute."

She gives me a sad smile as she takes the wall art from my hand. "You remember what I told you?"  
"I do. And nobody knows."  
"Good. For your sake, I hope it stays that way." She looks down at the art. "A raven?"  
"Yeah. Three of them please." She raises an eyebrow. I smile. "One for each family member I left behind."  
She gives a small smile back before asking, "Where do you want it?"  
I point to my chest. "Here, next to my heart."  
Tori places the stencils just below my collarbone, angling slightly down, before setting up her machine and placing the black ink inside.  
"Ready?"  
I nod my head and close my eyes. I relax and listen to the buzz of the machine, the pain leaving a permanent reminder of the people I love.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Four**

_Staring at the bottom of your glass_  
 _Hoping one day you'll make a dream last  
_ _But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

_You see her when you close your eyes_  
 _Maybe one day you'll understand why  
_ _Everything you touch surely dies_

_But you only need the light when it's burning low_  
 _Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
_ _Only know you love her when you let her go_

I slam my hand down on the alarm clock, cursing the songs that always seem to play like a bitter reminder of how badly I mess things up. I shower and get ready early, yet I wait. I want nothing more than to see Tris, apologize a thousand times, and hope that she forgives me just once.  _I am so afraid of losing the only person I have ever truly cared about._  I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. _  
_

I make my way up the carved pathway, cross the glass ceiling and wait for Eric and the initiates; Lauren and the Dauntless borns make their way up first. When everyone has arrived, we stand up front together while Lauren takes the lead.

"Everyone, this is where we will be meeting for the next couple weeks. This door here leads to the fear landscape room. This phase is simple. We inject you with a serum that stimulates a chemical reaction in your brain which brings forth your deepest fears. We then monitor how you overcome those fears. Most people have anywhere between ten and fifteen fears. We will start you out slowly though by sending you through one of my fears today. There are two ways to overcome your fears. First is facing it head on; making it worse so it can get better. The second is to calm down; slow your heart rate and your breathing and realize that you are not afraid. Are there any questions?"  
"What's the least amount of fears anyone's ever had?" A Dauntless boy calls out.  
"In recent years? Four," Lauren answers.  
I can feel every pair of eyes shift to me as I stare at the ground. I hate it, but I look up, fixing my gaze on Lauren. One by one they turn their attention elsewhere, leaving only fire.

The initiates are called into the room one by one. I watch them take turns battling spiders, dodging trains, suffocating, bleeding to death. Their times are average and everyone seems to understand the process. Lauren calls back Tris, and I almost think the wrong person has come into the landscape. Her hair is short, dyed. Face covered in makeup. Skin showing. A tattoo? I start to wonder what brought on the sudden change, but I already know the answer. She refuses to even acknowledge my presence as I put the electrodes on her head. I stand idly by as she slips into Lauren's fear effortlessly. The first scream is expected. They all scream. But they come more frequently. My heart starts racing as I rush to the screen, bringing up what she sees with the press of a button. Faceless men; they're holding her down. She's kicking and screaming, and I'm not in there to protect her this time. I break protocol and stop the simulation. "Tris! Tris it's me, Four. You're okay," I say, ripping the electrodes off and grasping her head in my hands. She's shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face.

"Four, what's going on?" Lauren asks accusingly.  
I look at her, and I know she will understand. "Tris was attacked before."  
"Oh my. I didn't know Four. It's random and I would have stopped it-"  
"I know. I'm going to take her out the back door. Make sure she's okay. Can you handle this for a little while?"  
"Yeah, sure. Take your time. Tris, I'm sorry."

She nods her head as I take her hands and lead her out the door, standing in the hallway. I watch her cry it out until I can't take anymore. "I'm so sorry Tris," I say, stepping forward and taking her into my arms. Instead of caressing me back, then furiously kissing me like I didn't fuck everything up, she stands there, rigid and frightened. I place a small kiss on the top of her head before letting go.

"Why?"  
"It's my fault. It's randomly selected, and I forgot that this was one of Lauren's fears and if I had known-"  
"No. Why?"  
I take a long deep breath. "Why Mia."  
"Yes."  
"I don't know," I say, lowering my head.  
"You don't know? How can you not know? Do you like her?"  
"No."  
"Well do you like me?"  
"Tris, yes. Of course I do."  
"Then it should be easy for you to answer Four."  
"I know. But it's just not that simple."  
"No actually, it is. But since your words say one thing while your actions say another, let me help you."

I watch as she turns her back on me and starts to walk away. I'm hurt and angry; she's right, and I'm an idiot. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. But noth-"  
"A mistake?" She seethes out as she whips back around. Her eyes are full of fear, and rage. She moves towards me, but stops at the first step. She takes a long breath before closing her eyes. I can tell she's trying to keep herself composed. When she finally opens her eyes, she just stares at me. She's looking at me like she looks at Peter. I watch helplessly as she turns and walks away.

"Tris," I yell after her, "Do you think that by cutting your hair or changing your clothes or getting a tattoo you've somehow changed?" She stops, back still turned. "You haven't. This doesn't make you  _Dauntless._  This doesn't make you  _better_  than me. You can change everything you are on the outside, but you're still the same person on the inside, and so am I. You're the same beautiful girl I met in Abnegation, while I'm the same boy, terrified that every single move I make is a mistake. That it will somehow ruin everything. You're the same beautiful girl that I, we, shared our secrets with in Amity. And you're still the same beautiful girl I fell in love with-" I stop short, realizing what I've just said, and wait. Nothing.

"Tris," I hang my head and sigh, "Don't ever change. Especially because of me. You've always known exactly who you are, and you should be proud of that. I wish I was more like you." I wait, but she holds still. "I don't know what else to say, Tris. I'm sorry." I giver her one last look before I go back into the landscape.

* * *

**Tris**

I hear the door close behind me and allow the sob I have been stifling to escape. He's right. I'm not better than he is, and I've treated him unfairly, considering he's not even my boyfriend. I should have talked to him about what happened instead of assuming. I know Tobias well, but not Four. I don't know the things he's been through here and I should understand his insecurities better than anyone. I touch my hair and face and think about the things I've done. None of this will change anything. I take my time heading back to the dorms.

"Hey. What happened to you after the landscape?" Al asks as they walk in.  
"Oh, I got sick," I say, avoiding Christina's prying Candor eyes eyes. "It happened after I took the aptitude test too. They told me to come back and lie down."  
"Are you going to be able to go through the landscapes?"  
"Oh, yeah. I think they were saying something about giving me a little bit less serum. Something like that anyways. Dinner?"  
"Yeah. I'm starved," Christina says, grabbing Will's arm and heading back out the door.

We talk about the landscapes and what our fears might be during dinner before heading out into The Pit for a little fun.  
"Oh come on. You're not afraid of heights, are you?" Christina and I tease Will.  
"No. I am however, afraid of losing my grip," he says, looking up to the top of the climbing wall.  
"Well, I'm going. Catch me if I fall!" Christina yells back to Will as she places her hands in the first holds.  
"Damn that girl. Hey wait for me."

I laugh as I watch Will run after Christina, giving her a big kiss before placing his hands on her hips, guiding her first few steps up the climbing wall.  
"They're sort of cute, aren't they?" Al asks.  
"They are," I answer, laughing again as Will covers his eyes.  
"So, uhh, do you like anyone Tris?"  
I tense a bit because I have a feeling I know where this is going. "I, umm, that's personal."  
"Oh."  
We sit in awkward silence for a moment before I finally give Al the answer he deserves. "Al, I like you. A lot. Just not like that. Okay?"  
"Okay. Yeah. I understand."  
I stand and hold my hand out for him. "Come on. That walls not going to climb itself." He smiles before taking my hand.

"It's about time you pansycakes!" Christina yells out from above us.  
"Pansycake?" I ask.  
"Yeah. I guess it's the number one Dauntless insult," Will says, rolling his eyes.  
"You better hope I don't catch you!" I yell back.

Al and I climb while Will paces below. Christina lets out a loud roar when pushes the button at the top, eliciting cheers from random Dauntless in The Pit. She waits for us to catch up. Two more buzzes, two more rounds of cheering. We laugh as Will yells for us to hurry up and climb down.

"You really should start down before poor Will freaks out," I say.  
"Oh, he'll be fine," She says as she rolls her eyes. "Alright! I'm coming down now! Catch you at the bottom."

I watch Christina climb down with ease, Al mimicking her every move to get down safely. I stay by myself. I like it up here, watching the Dauntless go about their business without a care. I watch them in shops across the way, standing near The Chasm, chasing each other across The Pit. It's only when I look up that I see him, watching me from the pathway to the glass ceiling. We lock eyes briefly before he turns his back on me, continuing his way up. He turns and looks one last time before heading up and out of my sight.

"That was fun, and totally safe, right Tris?" Christina asks me as I hop down.  
"Oh, yeah. Totally," I say, looking right at Will.  
"I stand by what I said and you won't get me to change my mind," Will says before placing a kiss on top of Christina's head. I frown a bit, thinking back to earlier. "We should head to the dorms anyways. It's getting late."  
"Yes please. I'm exhausted," Al says. They start to walk, but I stay put, staring at the top of the pathway. "You coming, Tris?"  
"No. I'm still pretty excited over the wall. I think I'm going to take a walk and see if I can calm myself down first." The three of them stare at me. "What? Oh stop. I'll be fine. Look. There's plenty of people around. I won't be alone this time." They hesitate before I walk over and push them towards the dorms. "Go it's fine. I promise."  
"Okay, but if I'm asleep, you better wake me when you get back," Christina says.  
"Deal." I wait until they walk through the doors before heading up the pathway.

The glass ceiling is empty, except for one person.  
"I wasn't sure you would come," he says without turning around.  
"I wasn't sure either," I say as I approach him. I notice he has the serum in his hand that is used in the fear landscapes. "What are you doing?"  
"Finally making good on a promise I made years ago."

He unzips a small case, revealing two syringes inside. He fills them both before handing one to me. He points to a spot on his neck. "Right here." I look into his eyes, searching them for any reason to walk away, but I don't find one. I can't pretend I understand what was going through his head the other night, but I think I know well enough that he's trying to set things right, and that I should let him. I reach up and push the needle into his neck, and watch the orange liquid disappear. He takes the syringe out of my hand before placing a hand on my cheek. He pushes gently, tilting my head to one side. I close my eyes as he runs his hand down my face, brushing my hair away from my neck. I feel a slight pinch and open my eyes. "Come on," he says, taking my hand and leading me into the landscape.

If feels like only seconds pass before a large gust of wind nearly knocks me off my feet. I feel a rushing sensation as the fear comes into view. We are standing on top of the tallest building in the city, The Hub. I turn to ask if this is his landscape, but there's no need. I can see he is paralyzed with fear. "Heights?" I ask. He looks at me and nods quickly. "How do you do it then? Survive the compound?"  
"I don't think about it."  
I see the rapid movements in his chest, and the panic on his face, and my anger with him subsides for a moment. "Hey, look at me. We'll get through it, alright? What's the best way?"  
"Slow your heart rate, or overcome the fear itself."  
"No, I know. What's best for you?"  
"I usually jump."  
"Okay then."

I reach out and take his hand. His eyes haven't left the edge of the building this whole time. I place a hand on his cheek and turn his head, forcing him to look at me. "Hey. I'm here. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it." He takes a deep breath before letting me guide him to the edge. "Okay. Don't think about it. One, two, three." I jump, pulling him down with me. The rush of wind is almost too much to handle and the ground is approaching quickly. I hear a small noise escape his mouth, and I smile. We hit the ground, hard. I jump up with a shout, feeling exhilarated.  
"You actually like that?" he asks, out of breath.  
"Yeah. It's amazing."  
"If you say so."

"So what's ne-" I don't have to wait long to figure it out. Boards fly at us from all directions, pressing us together, and form a very small box. "Claustrophobia?"  
"Confinement. Same thing really," he says, struggling to find a comfortable way to stand up against me.  
"How do you get through this one?"  
"I don't. I usually just wait it out. Although once I did find a bat and smash the boards."  
"Okay, let's do that then."  
"No. The box moves with you. If you bend down, it shrinks."  
"Well, then use me. I'm here. Talk. Where does this fear come from?"  
"Marcus. He used to lock me in our closet upstairs."

I feel my heart race at his words. I think about how he used to miss school. His black eye and busted nose. He never mentioned this. I wriggle my arms up enough to wrap them around his torso and lay my head on his chest. "I'm sorry." I can feel his heart beating hard and fast. "You know, most guys wouldn't mind being trapped in such close quarters with a girl," I tease.  
"Not claustrophobic people Tris!"  
"Okay, okay. Then how about I talk and you listen. Focus on slowing your breathing."  
"Okay."

I need a good story to take his mind off of this. "Let's see," I think for a moment, and smile when I know just what will do it. "Oh, one time this boy asked me to sneak out of my faction, and into another one."  
He gives a small chuckle. "Now why would he do something like that?"  
"Because he liked me. A lot."  
"Did you like him?"  
"Enough to go skinny-dipping and hold hands."  
"Mmmm. Skinny-dipping."  
"I even kissed him." Tobias' heart thumps a hard couple of beats. "It was the best night of my life," I whisper, afraid my confession will never allow us to move on; secretly hoping to stay like this forever.

I feel the boards break, releasing us from each other. I only have time for one deep breath before he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. I'm caught off guard, but I don't resist. I bring my arms up and kiss him back. He's desperate and passionate; the hope of forgiveness weighing heavily in the air.  
He pulls away, looking deep into my eyes before smiling. "It was the best night of my life too."

A table appears on my right. A gun and a single bullet are on it. He turns around, revealing a woman standing behind him.  
"Do you have to shoot her?"  
"Yes. It's easier if I don't look at her."

She is short like me, her face featureless; hair long and blonde. I watch him put the bullet in the chamber and bring the gun to her head. He turns and looks at me, and in the split second before he pulls the trigger, I think I see a tattoo on her collarbone. I frown. "What's next."

"They get harder as they go on, saving the hardest for last." I notice he is very tense now. Watching, waiting; hands clenched tight. The room changes, and we are standing in an Abnegation house.  
"Tobias!" I hear a voice bellow. "Are you trying to make me look bad? Are you trying to give the Erudite something to write about?"

Marcus enters the room. Four, the strong man in front of me, has now become Tobias, the frightened and weak boy. I watch as he cowers on the ground, terrified of his fathers wrath. Marcus circles Tobias, and as he starts to remove his belt, another Marcus appears. "Take off your shirt, boy," They call out. Another Marcus appears. "You will not defy me." Another, and another, and another. The small Abnegation room is now filled with Marcuses. They raise their arms, belts in hand. "This is for your own good."

"Stop!" I scream as I cover Tobias. The belts lash against my back, and the pain is unimaginable. Tears instantly well up in my eyes. I watch Tobias' face register what just happened. He pushes me off of him and stands. The Marcuses raise their belts again, "This is for your own good."  
"NO!" Tobias yells out, punching the Marcus directly in front of him. They all fall to the ground and disappear.

"Are you all right? Are you hurt?" He bends down, taking my face in his hands once again. "Tris, why did you do that?"  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I knew. I knew and I was just like everyone else. I kept my head down and didn't do anything. I should have done something. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."  
"Tris, no. It's not your fault." He takes me into his arms as I cry.  
"I should have stopped it."  
"Hey," he places a finger under my chin, turning my face up towards his. "It's over now."  
I nod and wipe the tears away. Tobias removes the electrodes as the landscape room returns to normal. "Is it always like that?"  
"Yes. Four fears then, four fears now. They've changed a bit, but always four."  
"Four," I say, smiling. "Clever."  
"I can't take credit for that one. It's getting late. I'll walk you home," he says, a hopeful smile on his face.

We leave through the back door. "Less chance running into someone this way," he tells me when I raise one eyebrow at him. I don't mind. Just before we hit the doors to The Pit, he stops. "I'm sorry."  
"For what?"  
"Taking so long to honor my promise. And for the other night."  
"Tobias I-"  
"No. Let me finish. I'm not asking for forgiveness. Or for you to even forget. I don't deserve either. All I'm asking for is a chance to...well, for lack of a better term, to start over I guess."

His eyes are so incredibly sad and full of guilt, and I know he's been punishing himself over it non-stop.  
"Okay. On one condition though."  
"Name it."  
"Stop punishing yourself over it. You're right. I'm not perfect, so I shouldn't expect you to be. We all make mistakes, and I should have just talked to you about it. So yes. Let's start over. Besides, it's not like I was officially your girlfriend or anything."

His face is a mixture of sadness and nervousness. "Would you like to be?"  
I think for a moment, somewhat enjoying the torture I'm inflicting on him by staying silent. Just when I think he's going to panic like he's back in his fears, I answer, "Yes."  
He watches me for a second before sticking out his hand in the Dauntless greeting. I place my hand in his. "What's your name?" I raise an eyebrow. "You know, starting over."  
I smile. "Tris."  
"First jumper, Tris," he says, grinning. "Welcome to Dauntless."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four's alarm clock song is "Let Her Go" by Passenger.


	17. Chapter 17

We gather at the door to the landscape room and listen to our instructions from Lauren once more. "Today you will experience one of your own fears. It usually takes anywhere from ten to twenty minutes your first time through. We'll do this each day until your final test, which will consist of all your fears. Use these early days to learn how your body responds to the fears, and figure out the ways you can overcome them in a quicker manner, as these will both be a factor in whether you pass or fail. Your scores on both parts of your initiation will be combined to determine which jobs will be available to you, so I suggest you take this seriously. Any questions? No? Okay then, Cruz, you're up first today."

We watch the top ranked initiate enter the landscape before settling down into small groups, talking amongst ourselves while we wait for our turn. A long time passes before Lauren opens the door and calls Frankie next. "Where's Cruz?" I hear Frankie ask as she walks up. "Everyone, don't be alarmed. When you're done, you'll be leaving out the back door," she answers.

"Do you think it's that bad?" Al asks.  
"No," Will answers. "It makes sense. This is our first time through our own fears. Do you really want people to see you afterwards?"  
"No, I guess not."

Soon it's Will's turn, and we wish him luck.  
"What do you think his fears are?" Al asks. "He doesn't seem like the type of person who is afraid of much."  
"Well I know for a fact that one of them is no longer having the most amazing girlfriend in the world," Christina jokes.  
I laugh, but Al has a good point. "How many do you think he has?"

We sit around and put ourselves in order. Will first with the least, then me, then Christina. Al has the most with 20.  
"See, I told you guys I don't belong here. I'll have the most fears out of everyone."  
"Al, you'll do just fine," Christina says, giving him a small punch on the arm.  
"Yeah," I add reassuringly, "It just means you'll be ranked higher because you overcame more fears."  
He let's out a small laugh, but I know he doesn't believe any of it.

"Christina," Lauren calls out after some time.  
"Wish me luck," she says as she hops up.  
"Good luck," Al and I both says as the door closes.  
"Nervous?" Al asks.  
"Yeah. You?"  
"Yeah. Terrified actually."  
"Don't be. I think we'll do just fine."  
We lean against each other and sit in silence until my name is called.

I walk into the landscape. Four is there, waiting with a syringe. He gives me a small smile before tilting my head and injecting me with the serum. I watch as he and Lauren fade away into nothingness.

I blink my eyes as The Pit comes into view. I see Four, Christina, Will and Al. "Hey," I call out to them, but they stand still. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peter enter and make his way to Four. He leans in and whispers something into his ear. They point and laugh at me before turning and sharing the secret with the rest of my friends. Soon they are all pointing and laughing.

"I don't get it. What's so funny?" I ask as I walk towards them. I'm taken by surprise when I run into something invisible. I place my hands in front of me. Glass. I look up and around and realize that I'm in a box. That's when I hear it. I look down to see water rushing in. "Help!" I yell out to my friends. They continue to look on, pointing and laughing, whispering amongst each other. As time goes on, the water rushes in faster. "Hey!" I yell out, banging on the glass, but I'm too weak. I press my back against the glass, pushing and kicking with all my might, but it's useless. The water is at my chest now. I stop thrashing and think. I need to break this glass. I take one last deep breath as the water covers my head. I try my best to stay calm and clear my head, remembering that this is a simulation. If this isn't real, I should be able to just press my hand up against the glass and  _-crack-._ I look at the small crack and tap it. It spiderwebs out in all directions. _This isn't real._ I hit the glass with all my might, and the water pulls me out as it spills onto the floor.

I gasp loudly as I come out of the simulation. Four is there, immediately taking my hand and making sure I'm okay.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine," I say, shooing him away. "Where's Lauren."  
"She left as soon as you went under. She still feels bad about yesterday. I told her I didn't mind. Listen, Tris, how long do you think you were in your landscape?"  
"I dunno. Twenty minutes?"  
"Three. Three minutes. How'd you do it?"  
I shrug. "I just told myself it wasn't real."  
"Is that how you cracked the glass?"  
"You saw?" He points to a small monitor in the corner of the room. "Oh. Yeah."

"Tris, I'm going to ask you something, and it's very important that you're honest with me, got it?" My heart is racing. I don't know if I should answer what I think he's going to ask. "Are you divergent?" He whispers.  
I panic. Tori made it very clear that I was to trust no one. "I don't know what that means."  
"Tris."  
"What? How am I supposed to know if I don't even know what you're talking about?" He stares at me as I look down at the ground. I hate lying. Especially to him. I see him look at his watch.

"It's been almost ten minutes. That should be a more believable time. I'm going to erase this footage and pretend that it somehow corrupted. But I need you to listen. You need to figure out a way to take longer in the simulation. Think more like the Dauntless, and less like yourself. They'll see you manipulate it, and they'll know, got it?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about. Can I go now?" I say, heading for the door already.  
He reaches out and grabs my wrist. "I'm only trying to help."  
I yank my arm away. "I don't need help," I say as I leave the room.

I wait in the hallway, taking deep breaths, still trying to recover from my simulation. How did he know? And why didn't I tell him? If there's anyone I can trust here, it should be him. Less than 24 hours into our relationship, and I'm already keeping things from him.  _What is wrong with me?_  I pace back and forth, unsure of myself and what it is I'm doing. The next initiate is probably already under, so there's no going back in now. I decide to try and talk to Tori, since she actually does know.

The tattoo parlor is empty when I arrive. "Is Tori here?" I ask the guy who's always behind the counter. He motions to the back, and I take that as a yes. I find her in the back room. "Hey, Tori."  
"Hello."  
"You got a minute. I need to talk to you."  
She looks at me, and I hope she can read what I'm trying to say with my eyes. "Yeah. We have something like that. Over here," she says loud enough for the guy up front to hear. She leads me over to a wall full of art and walks into room 4. Right in front of me is the symbols of the five factions. I smile as I take one off the wall and meet her in room 4. "Did you find what you were looking for?"  
"Yeah, this is it," I say loudly. She rolls her eyes before motioning me to take a seat.  
"This one?" I nod. "Well okay," she says, placing the stencil where I point and readying her machine. Now I understand. The sound will drown us out.

"What happened?" she asks anxiously.  
"We started our fear landscapes today. After mine Four asked me if I was divergent. See, there's something nobody knows. We know each other. From Abnegation." Saying it out loud is odd, and I regret it instantly.  
"I figured."  
"How?"  
"I do the aptitude tests." I don't know why this thought never crossed my mind before. "Did you tell him?"  
"No."  
"Do you trust him?"  
"Yes. I always have, but I panicked. I don't know how he knew. He said he would cover it up though."

She is silent for a while, focusing on tattooing. "Your instincts are good Tris. I think you should trust in yourself more. How do you think he know?"  
I think about the things he told me. "He mentioned that my simulation was only three minutes long."  
"Did you manipulate it?"  
"I guess. Only I didn't know I was doing it. How do you know so much about this? Are you too?"

She sighs deeply, a wave of sadness crossing her face. "Tris, I had a brother. His name was George."  
"Had a brother?" I ask, my voice wavering.  
"Yes. They found out about him. He was found in The Chasm a couple of days later. They said it was suicide."  
"They?"  
"Max. Eric. He's not just an instructor. He's Max's right hand. They have it out for anyone who doesn't conform."  
"Tori, I-" Truth is, I don't know what to say.  
"Look, listen to Four. You need help if you're going to make it. I'm here for you, but I don't have the connections he does."  
"Connections?"  
"He's not just an instructor either, Tris. He works in intelligence. He can find things. Important things. He will help you. You're a strong girl, but that doesn't mean you don't need someone on your side." She smiles at me. "That's the best advice I can give you."

I sit in silence and think for the remainder of my session. She's right. I need his help. I feel like a bit of a jerk for how I've treated him, more so for not trusting him. I think about everything we've said to each other the past two days, and choose to focus on the most important one.  _You're still the same beautiful girl I fell in love with._ I smile.

"All done," Tori says, interrupting my thoughts.  
I turn and look at my shoulder blade in the mirror. "It's perfect. Thank you."  
She slathers a thick cream on it before covering it with the thin bandage. "Keep that on for a few hours. And you're welcome."  
I leave the tattoo parlor with only one thing on my mind. Tobias.

I double back through the hallway to head back to the landscape room, hoping to avoid running into anyone. Tobias should have been long done with the initiates, but I don't know if he still has more work to do. I'm just about to round the last corner, when I hear a single word from a male voice that catches my attention.  _Divergent._

"There was one who had corrupted footage. I'm going to keep a closer eye on her tomorrow. Watch her simulation personally. And if it turns out that piece of shit deleted it on purpose, I'm killing him myself."  
 _Eric._  
"Easy now. He could prove useful to us," another male voice responds.  
"Hey, if this thing works, you think I could use her. You know, make her my own personal little play toy?"  
"If this works, you could do absolutely anything, and she won't have the slightest idea."  
They laugh.

I back away slowly, quietly. When I am far enough away I turn and run, and I don't stop until I am at Tobias'.

"Four! Are you in there? It's Tris. I need to talk to you right away," I yell, banging on his door. "Four, please!" I bang harder but he doesn't answer. I slump down, prepared to wait all night if I have to. After quite some time I hear the elevator doors open. Finally, a familiar face. "Zeke!"  
"Hey Tris. What are you doing up here?"  
"I'm looking for Four. Do you have any idea where he is?"  
"Yeah. He had to go out to Amity to help fix their system."  
"Shit."  
"You don't look so hot. Is everything okay?"

The girl he is with elbows him in the ribs. "Ow woman! What was that for?"  
She gives him a look before sticking her hand out at me. "Hi. I'm Shauna. I'm Zeke's girlfriend."  
I shake her hand. "Hi. I'm Tris," I say, a little unsure why she's squeezing so hard. "Do you know when he'll be back?"  
"No. But I doubt he'll be gone all night. Want me to tell him you stopped by?"  
"Actually, could you give me his key?" Zeke raises an eyebrow. "I know you don't know me that well, but I'm asking you to just trust me right now. Please Zeke."  
He looks at Shauna who simply shrugs. "Alright. Come in and get it."  
"Thank you. And not that I expect anyone to ask, but I'm not here."  
"Yeah," he says, warily. "You sure you're okay Tris?"  
"I am now. Thanks Zeke."

I let myself in and lock the door behind me. I'm missing dinner so I rummage through his fridge. I grab an apple, sit on the bed, and wait.

 


	18. Chapter 18

"Tris." I hear my name being said softly, but I'm comfortable and don't want to move. "Tris, wake up."  
I shoot straight up in a panic, remembering my last thoughts. "Tris it's okay. It's just me. It's just me."  
"Tobias!" I say, thrusting myself forward into him. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest. He returns my embrace gently.  
"What's the matter? What happened?"  
"I'm an idiot, that's what happened." I sit back down on the bed as he pulls the chair up and sits in front of me. "I lied to you."  
"Okay," he says cautiously. "I'm listening."

I take a deep breath and look into his eyes. "I am divergent. And I panicked that you knew. And I don't know why I didn't just trust you. I was afraid because it's supposed to be a secret and nobody is supposed to know, but you knew. And then when I went back to apologize and tell you, I overheard Eric and I think Max talking in the hallway and they know."  
"What do you mean they know?"  
"Well, I think they know. They think you deleted my footage on purpose, but they're definitely suspicious of me. Eric's going to be watching tomorrow."  
"Tell me exactly what you heard."

I lower my head. "Eric said if he found out that you deleted the footage, he was going to kill you. But then Max said no, you could be useful if this works. And Eric-" I stop, not knowing if I'm going to be able to finish. Tobias reaches out and takes my hands in his. He waits a moment before bringing them up to his mouth and placing a small kiss on each one. "He asked Max that if this works, could he have me as his personal play toy," I say, quietly. "They laughed when Max said yes and that I would have no idea what was happening anyways."

Tobias gently places my hands back in my lap before standing up. I watch as he paces, running his hands back and forth through his short hair and over his face. I stay silent, allowing him some time to process what I just told him before I speak up again. "There's more."  
"More?" he says, his voice strained.  
"Yes." I watch his face, and I know he's trying to stay as calm as he can. "Remember when you told me to stay away from Eric, in the cafeteria?" He nods. "I didn't tell you everything. He made a remark that he couldn't wait to see more of me, and he was looking at me like...like I was a piece of meat and he was a starving animal." Tobias closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "And then Christina and I were dancing and suddenly he was there, again, looking at me and telling me how good I looked. I'm sorry Tobias."

The hard look on his face softens and he immediately rushes to me, pulling me up and taking my face into his hands before kissing me. I wrap my arms around him, running my hands up his back and over his neck as I kiss him back, releasing what feels like years of pent up frustration. He pulls away and looks deep into my eyes. "Don't ever apologize like that again. It is not your fault that he is a creep. It is not your fault, Tris."  
"I know. I was sorry for keeping things from you."  
He smiles. "Starting over, right?"  
"Right."

"Then there's something I need to tell you too." He motions for me to sit back down, this time sitting next to me. "Well, two things. I don't really know how to say either one, so I'm just going to say it. First is, well, how do you think I knew you were divergent?"  
"I don't know. I just assumed that since you were in a position of power, you were just privy to that kind of knowledge."  
"Well, you're partly right. When I took my test, my results were inconclusive too." I look at him, but I don't really know what to say. He gives me a moment before continuing on. "I'm not like you though. I can't manipulate the way you do. Actually, I don't think anyone can. I'm just...more aware. The fears though, I still have to pass through them like everyone else."  
I take in this new information, and I don't know whether to be happy or scared. It's nice to know I'm not alone, but I'm terrified that they will find out about him too. "Well, I guess that explains some things," I finally say.

"Are you okay?" he asks.  
"Yeah. I just...it never occurred to me that you might be divergent too. But I guess we didn't leave Abnegation for nothing, right?"  
"Right," he says with a small chuckle.  
"What were your results?"  
"Abnegation and Dauntless."  
I smile. "Abnegation, Dauntless and Erudite."  
He raises an eyebrow. "Three? Impressive." He leans over and places a small kiss on my forehead. "Smarty pants."  
I nudge him with my shoulder and roll my eyes. "What's the second." The smile on his face fades as he looks at the floor. He rubs the back of his neck nervously before finally speaking up.  
"Second is-," he stalls, trying to find the right words. "About the night of the party. Mia? She uhh...I woke up and she was in my bed."  
My heart drops. "Oh," I whisper.

He finally looks up at me. "Tris, nothing happened. We were fully clothed. I yelled at her and kicked her out. She punched me but I think she finally gets it."  
"So you didn't-"  
"No! No. I haven't...I mean...there's only one person I would ever want to-"  
I smile as I watch him get flustered. "So you haven't had...sex?" I can feel the heat start to radiate from my cheeks and ears as soon as the words leave my mouth.  
He smiles and looks away, and I realize, this is the first time I have really seen Tobias get embarrassed. "Tris, unfortunately Abnegation habits die hard. And like I said, there's only one girl for me."  
"Oh?" I say quietly, enjoying this entirely too much. It's a nice distraction from earlier today.

I watch as he fingers his blanket, unsure of where to go next. I stand, positioning myself right in front of him, and gently place my small hand underneath his chin, lifting his face to mine. His face may still look embarrassed, but his eyes say so much more. I can see the hurt and the pain and the worry, but most of all I see the love in them. I bend down and kiss him gently on his forehead, followed by his nose, before landing on his lips. He reaches up and pulls me towards him, causing me to place one knee on the bed and straddle him. I wrap my arms around his neck, my lips never breaking from his. He gently runs his fingertips up my spine before heading back down, resting his hands on the small strip of skin showing on my lower back. I pull away slightly from his lips and sigh at his touch. "Tobias," I whisper against his mouth, "I don't...I'm not..."  
He leans his forehead against mine. "Whenever you're ready. We don't have to rush."

I smile. I don't want this moment to end, but there are more important things we need to worry about right now. "What am I going to do?"  
"Don't worry. I'm going to keep you safe. First things first, we need to figure out how to get you through your simulations."

We sit on his bed together and discuss the ways I could do things differently.  
"Now, instead of breaking the glass, you could have found a way to stop the water from getting in, thus allowing the simulation to move on. You're going to get a different fear tomorrow. I'll tell you some I have heard of, and you'll tell me how you would get out."  
"Got it."

"Okay, heights," he says with a smile. "Trapped on the top of a tall building."  
"Well, I would jump, but since I can't-"  
"I didn't say you can't. In this particular one, jumping would be the right thing to do. It's the Dauntless thing to do. However, you should take your time and investigate. Make sure there are no other options available to you. This works as an added bonus of adding more time to your simulations. And it makes it seem like you don't have a clue what's going on, got it?"  
"Yeah."

"Okay. How about, fire."  
"Fire? Like just everything's on fire?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, I guess I would look for some water. Either to get myself wet or to put it out. If that's not available, I would walk into the flames, facing the fear head on to overcome it."

"Good. How about, being tied up and held captive?"  
"Well I can't make the rope fall away, so I would try and find something sharp to cut it on."  
"What if nothing is available?"  
I think hard, unsure of what to do. "I would attack my abductor? Like try to rush them or kick or bite, face it head on."  
Tobias nods his head, "I think that might work."

Some time passes as we continue to discuss the simulations and how they work. When I yawn and stretch, Tobias stops. "It's late. You should get some sleep." He heads to his dresser and comes back with one of his shirts. "You're already here," he says, smiling. I take the shirt and toss it on the bed as I turn around. "Tris, what happened?"  
"What?" I ask, unsure of what he's talking about.

"Your shoulder?"  
I laugh. "Oh I totally forgot. Here, take it off for me." He reaches out gently and pulls the bandage off. I look over my shoulder and see a big grin on his face.  
"What are you smiling at?"  
"I have the same one. On my back."  
"Really? Can I see it?"  
He raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you asking me to undress, Tris?"  
I laugh, feeling the warmth of my blush again. "Only partially."

He smiles and turns. I watch as he reaches behind his neck and grabs his shirt, pulling it up and over his head in one movement. I've never watched anyone undress before, but there is something incredibly attractive in the way he does it, and it stirs something inside of me.

I was not prepared for what is in front of me.

His tattoo is massive, covering almost his entire back. I reach out and touch the Abnegation symbol on his spine, the same one I have. I trace up his spine to Dauntless and circle it before touching Abnegation again. I continue down over Candor, then Erudite and finally Amity. Massive flames erupt outwards from each symbol, wrapping around his ribs, and shoulders; touching briefly on his chest and stomach. It's only when I run my fingers along the flames that I notice the scars they cover. I frown, thinking of his childhood.

"The factions. You have all of them. Why?"  
"I don't want to be just one thing. I want to be brave and selfless and honest and smart and kind." He turns and gives me a small smile.  
"Your scars-" I say, trailing off.  
He takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly. "They're gone now."  
I look into his eyes and I can feel his pain in my heart. And I feel something else. Something I felt before, but was unsure of what it was until now. "Tobias?"  
"Yes Tris," he says, resting his forehead against mine once more.  
"I love you too."

He closes his eyes and brings his lips up to my forehead, kissing me softly before whispering "You don't know how long I've waited to hear that." I smile and take the shirt from his hand. I wink at him before turning around and taking mine off, pulling his shirt on quickly. "What was wrong with that one?" he asks, pointing to the shirt I threw on the bed.  
"It doesn't smell like you."

I undo the button on my pants and slowly pull them down to my thighs before sitting on the bed. I stick my feet out at him, and he smiles. He reaches down to my ankles and gently pulls my pants off, placing them in a nice pile on the floor. I scoot back and crawl under his blankets. He turns the light off before sitting in the chair next to the bed.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Going to sleep."  
"But you're not in bed."

There is a long pause before I hear him get up and crawl into bed with me. I turn my back to him as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close and holding me tight. He places a small kiss on my tattoo before nestling into my neck. "Goodnight, Tris," he whispers.  
"Goodnight, Tobias," I say softly, before falling asleep in his arms.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Tobias**

I can hear Lauren outside giving instructions again while I prep for today's round of fear landscapes. She comes back with Molly, and as I'm injecting her, I hear the back door open. She's just drifting into her landscape when I turn and see Eric. "What are you doing here?" I ask, even though I'm already fully aware.  
He shrugs before answering "I felt like it."

He wanders and fiddles with things while making snide remarks about every initiate, irritating me more and more as each minute passes. After enduring his drivel for most of the morning, I'm finding it hard to keep my composure. It's only when he finally shuts his mouth that I notice he is standing very still. I turn to see Tris walking in. He positions himself by the monitor without taking his eyes off of her once. I remember the things she told me last night, and I clench my jaw, willing myself to get through this without killing him. I take a deep breath and focus my attention on Tris instead. I lean down, purposely obstructing her view of Eric, and give her one last reassuring look as I inject her. I take my place at the monitor, Eric breathing down my neck.

"So, what do you think of the initiates so far?" He asks.  
"I think they'll be fine." I'm in no mood right now for small talk. I need to stay alert and focus on Tris. We watch as her landscape finally comes into view. She's in a field, crows circling above. I watch as they swoop down, attacking her at first one by one, before coming at her in a swarm. I know she will be fine, but I do not like seeing her cower in fear as she is pecked and clawed. Eric stands next to me. His eyes are searching for something, anything to give him suspicion, but she is doing everything right. Good. I really didn't want to have to kill him and possibly hurt Lauren to get us out of here. Several minutes pass before she finally is able to fend off the birds with a branch, thus settling her breathing and heart rate. I save the file as Lauren helps her up.

"So the file is fine today?" He asks, looking at the monitor like he has any idea what the fuck he's doing.  
"Yep."  
He watches her leave before asking, "Any signs of divergents yet?"  
"None," Lauren answers. I smirk as he whips his head around, annoyed that she answered and not me. She raises an eyebrow and motions to the initiates that are still waiting to run through today. He exhales loudly before turning to head out the back door.  
"There's still two more initiates," I call after him, but he leaves without another word.

* * *

Eric makes himself scarce in the weeks leading up to today's final test. It's been hard, but Tris and I have kept our interactions to a minimum, hoping it's enough to erase any suspicions anyone ever had. Today I have to stand aside with Lauren and watch from afar, and hope that everything goes smoothly. Eric and Max will be scoring this round, along with two old instructors, Pia and Jax. Being an outsider this time, I cannot see the any of the initiates full fears, only their reactions. Lauren and I patiently watch together as our initiates duck, kick, punch and scream their way through.

I remain neutral as Tris enters. I recognize the two fears she went through every day by her motions. Crows and the box of water. Her motions and reactions are the same as the others. Hands together as if holding a gun, punching, kicking. It's when I see them laughing and pointing at their screens that I start to get a little nervous. She's taking a bit longer on this particular fear than she has the others. My eyes dart back and forth as my pulse increases, trying to figure out what it is they're seeing, because my end only shows her making odd faces and holding her hands out at arms length. I'm only able to relax when I see her come out, and they pay no extra attention to her. I excuse myself from Lauren and make my way to her.

"Christina, Will, Tris," I say, nodding to each one, "Your times looked good."  
"Thanks Four!" Christina says, slapping me on the shoulder with a big grin before dragging Will off.  
I gesture towards the two of them with a confused look on my face. "She uhh...kinda knows," Tris says, quietly.  
"Knows?"  
"The whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing." She smiles.  
"And how does she know that?"  
"She's a Candor."  
"Good point."

I look around, checking again that everyone else is still preoccupied. "It looked good from what I could see. I got no indication that they thought anything was amiss."  
"You could see?" she asks, nervously.  
"No. I could see your reactions, but not what you were seeing. Why?"  
"No reason."  
"Tris?"  
"No, it's good. I promise. Nothing to worry about."  
"Okay. See you tonight then." I make the same round of general observations to those who have completed their test before making my way back to Lauren.

* * *

The Dauntless gather in The Pit, eager to celebrate those that will make it through initiation. The second phase is always the quickest. Literally the person with the worst time leaves. Max takes his place on the stage, with Lauren, Eric and myself standing behind him.

"Welcome once again initiates. I will call your names in order, starting with the best time. If I do not call your name, please follow Eric to my office. Tomorrow morning at 10 we will post your final rankings, which are a combination of your scores from both phases. This will determine what jobs are available to you. Alright, let's get to it. First up, Frankie." I roll my eyes as The Pit turns into a screaming mass of black bodies. While I do like how the Dauntless support their own, it gets old after a while. I'd like to make it through one of these without having to stop every five seconds. The crowd settles finally, and Max continues on. "Tris, Uriah..."  _Tris!_ I give her a smile and watch as her friends congratulate her. She makes her way up on stage and hugs Uriah. A quick scan of the crowd and I see Zeke, pumping his fist and screaming like a lunatic, their mother clapping and smiling. "Will, Christina, Marlene..." Good. Her friends are here for her. "Peter, Cruz, Molly and our final initiate, Al." I smile. I didn't think the big guy would make it.

I follow Uriah as he makes his way to his family. "Third. Not bad," I say.  
"That's my boy!" I smile. Their mother is one of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.  
"Thanks, mom! And thanks Four," Uriah says, slapping me on the back. "Are you going to come tonight?"  
"Can't. Final rankings to determine." While it won't take me long to help decide, it's the perfect excuse.  
Zeke winks and then nods to someone behind me. "Hey, I think your attention is needed over there."

I don't need to turn around to see who it is. I've felt her the entire time I've been standing here. I give him a small smirk and turn to see her standing alone. The Pit is loud; people celebrating, drinking and dancing already, but none of that matters. The only thing I see is her. She takes her time and walks to me slowly, her confidence radiating out like the sun. I feel my heart surge with pride at what she's accomplished. I didn't think it was possible, but I love her even more.

"Hi," she says, smiling.  
"Hey. Second place. Not too shabby."  
"Yeah well, I didn't do it on my own."  
"Tris, yes you did. I only helped you get second place, a worse place than you would have gotten on your own. You're the one who did all the hard work, not me." My heart beats a little faster as she looks into my eyes.  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome. Now go have fun with your friends. I have to finish up here."  
"You're not coming with us?"  
"Nope. Duty calls."

She sticks her lower lip out and pouts a second before Uriah comes over. "Ready Tris."  
"Yeah. Where are we going anyways?"  
"Let's just say it's a little Dauntless initiation ritual."  
She gives me one last smile before gathering with the rest of her friends. I watch until she is out of my sight.

* * *

**Tris**

We follow Uriah through the city to an abandoned building. "This is where we're going?" Christina asks, making a face.  
"Hey now," Uriah says, making the same face back. "The fun is just beginning. Follow me." We head inside and stand in front of the elevator. Two Dauntless borns run down a hallway and before long, the power turns on. Uriah pushes the up button and we all climb in. The doors open on the 99th floor.

"There's nothing up here," Will says when we step out.  
"Oh ye of little faith," Uriah says, smiling. The group of Dauntless borns take off running down the hallway. The rest of us look at each other before taking off after them. When we hit the end of the hallway there's another lobby, only this one has a hole in the roof. Marlene grabs the ladder that was leaning against the wall and positions it so we can climb up onto the roof. Uriah gives her a quick peck on the lips before climbing up. I smile and follow, and what I see takes my breath away. The entire city is laid out in front of us. Lights twinkling, small buildings dwarfed by bigger ones, the wall looming large all around us. The wind is strong at this height, but the view alone is worth it.  
"You can see the whole city from up here!" I hear Al yell. I laugh at the thought of Tobias coming with us. I wonder if he even had anything to actually do tonight, or if he just used it as an excuse.

"Ladies first!" I hear Uriah yell over the wind.  
I turn and see a contraption attached to a wire. "What is it?"  
"Zip line. Takes you through the whole city. Hop in!"  
I smile and climb into the rig, Uriah strapping me in tight. "Alright. There's a group waiting at the end. All you have to do is enjoy the ride. Ready?" I nod. "First zipliner, Tris!" Uriah yells out as he pushes me off the building. I hear them cheer for only a short second before the wind takes over as I take flight.

At first I hold on tight, unsure of the rig. But as each building passes, I start to feel more and more like a bird in flight. I close my eyes briefly and let go, stretching my arms out wide and letting the wind take me. My eyes water when I finally open them, but I don't care. I think back to choosing day.  _I want to be free._ What better freedom is there than soaring like a bird through the night sky?

I reach my hands towards each building I pass, waving at them from a height I never would have before. My heart races when I see a mirrored building in my path. I watch myself briefly as I pass by, smiling at my hair trailing out behind me. When I finally start to slow, I see the group of Dauntless at the end come into view. They cheer for me as I come to a stop. I unhook myself and drop down into their arms. I join them in waiting for my friends to make their way down, catching them one by one as their journey ends. This is the beginning of the rest our lives together, and I couldn't be happier.

We make our way back to Dauntless headquarters, laughing and joking the whole way. I can't wait to find Tobias and tell him everything. The Pit is still a raging party, but I know he will be one of two places. "Hey Uriah, is Zeke having another party tonight?"  
"Actually, he isn't. Yeah. I'm just as shocked as you are." He leans in close and whispers "He should be home by now," before winking and taking off with Marlene. I smile.  
"Hey guys. I'm gonna go and uhh..."  
"Yeah yeah. Go get your boy," Christina says before she turns and plants a kiss on Will's mouth.

I knock softly, my heart racing knowing he is there on the other side of the door. When he answers I can't contain myself, I rush in and kiss him. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me up, making me feel like I'm flying again. I wrap my legs around his waist as he kicks the door closed, our lips locked together permanently. He makes his way to the bed and lays me down gently. When he finally pulls his lips away from mine, we are both out of breath.

"Hi," he says, still close enough to my mouth that I can feel his every word.  
"Hey."  
"How was it?"  
"Amazing. I loved being up there and being able to see the whole city like that. It was so beautiful. I have to say, it was one of the best feelings in the world, soaring through the air like that. You should try it sometime."  
"I'll take your word for it," he says, smiling. He pulls back slightly and looks at me.  
"What?"  
"You smell like the wind."

I smile and reach up, entwining my fingers into his hair, pulling him back down to my lips. I don't know what's taking over me, but I cannot get enough of him. His touch. His smell. His taste. The way his body feels pressed against mine; hard and rigid, every muscle tensing and flexing with every move.  
I feel a hand run down my arm before trailing over to my stomach. He gently tugs at the hem of my shirt before pushing it up, running his fingertips along my side. My heart races as the butterflies inside of me take flight. When he takes his lips away from mine again I let out a small sigh, missing their warmth immediately. I see him give a small smile before he stands up.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's just that I want you in every way imaginable right now," he says, pacing slightly.  
I smile. "Thank you."  
"You're welcome," he says, smiling back. "Would you like to stay tonight?"

I stand and make my way to him. I take the hem of his shirt in my hands, lifting it up over his head and lay it on the bed. I turn away and take my pants off first, folding them in half before placing them on the floor. I hear him take a step forward as I lift my shirt over my head, setting it with my pants. He is close enough that I can feel his heat radiate on my back. I reach back and unhook my bra, letting it fall to the floor before putting his shirt on. I turn and look at him; his breathing heavy as he looks into my eyes. "Yes."

He gestures to the bed and I climb in, scooting far enough in to leave him room. "What are you doing?" I ask when he starts gathering his blanket and pulling the chair up by the head of the bed.  
"Getting ready for bed."  
"Tobias," I smile, "I trust you. Besides, I think we're past this part now, don't you?"  
He smiles when I pull back the blanket, offering him a spot underneath it next to me. He climbs in and wraps his arms around me like always. I scoot as close as I can to him, burrowing my face in his chest.  
He kisses the top of my head. "Goodnight, Tris."  
"Night. I love you, Tobias."  
"I love you too."

 


	20. Chapter 20

I open my eyes just in time to hear the shower turn off. I smile. Today the final rankings will be posted. It's also my first full day as an official member of Dauntless.

"Morning," Tobias says as he walks out. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead. "Nervous?"  
"A little bit."  
"Don't be. I bet your rank will be higher than you think. Any idea what job you want?"  
"Maybe. I'm not even sure if I know them all."  
He laughs. "I don't think I know them all either. But there's a list there that corresponds with your rank. I wouldn't worry too much about it. You want me to walk you to the dorms so you can get ready?"  
"Actually, can I take a shower here?"  
I watch the biggest grin I have ever seen creep across Tobias' face. "Sure. Although I don't have all that stuff you use that smells good." He hands me a clean towel in exchange for a kiss.

"Breakfast?" I say as I run my fingers through my wet hair.  
"Yeah. I thought we could celebrate a little, so I made us some eggs." I smile as Tobias sets my plate down in front of me. "What?"  
"Nothing."  
He raises an eyebrow. "Then why are you smiling?"  
"It's just...all of this is, well, it's nice."  
He smiles. "Yeah, it is."

* * *

We make our way down to The Pit just before 10. All of the initiates are there, as well as Max and Eric. Tobias makes his way over to Lauren and they head up to the stage together. Christina squeals and takes my hand, squeezing it to death while we wait for Max to begin.

"Now when I post the final rankings, a list of jobs associated with each rank will also be posted. You will all have two weeks to either find a roommate, or apply for an apartment, and apply for a job. After that you are expected to be a functioning member of Dauntless." Max pauses briefly as he looks at us. "Congratulations, initiates."

I hold my breath as Max types a command on his tablet. One by one our names come up on the screen that's been placed near the cafeteria.

1-Frankie  
2-Uriah  
3-Will  
4-Tris  
5-Christina  
6-Cruz  
7-Peter  
8-Marlene  
9-Molly  
10-Al

 _Fourth!_ My hearts skips a beat as I look at Tobias. He winks and smiles, and I can't help but grin and laugh. Christina jumps and screams, letting go of my hand finally and throwing her arms around Will. I watch as they kiss each other and smile. Two of my best friends, in love, and in the top rankings. The screen changes after a while. It still shows our rankings, but it also shows the jobs available to us.

Ambassador/Dauntless leader: Ranks 1-2  
Intelligence: Ranks 1-4  
Initiate instructor: Ranks 1-5  
Dauntless Security Captain: Ranks 5-7  
Fence Guard: Ranks 6-10  
Misc. Compound job (suited to talents): Ranks 1-10

After allowing us to look at the jobs list for a while, Max speaks up again. "You may be wondering what the miscellaneous compound job refers to. That's the jobs that keep this place running. Chef. Nurse. Musician. Tattoo artist. Some of those jobs have apprenticeships you can apply for. Others we just fill as needed. Take these next two weeks to enjoy yourselves a bit. You've earned a little relaxation time. Find your new homes and your new jobs. And initiates? Welcome to Dauntless."

We whoop and yell, congratulating each other with hugs and handshakes. Tobias makes his way through the small crowd that's gathered to me. "Congratulations. See, I told you," he says with a smile.  
"Yeah, yeah," I say, elbowing him in the side.  
He leans down and whispers "Do you think I could steal you away for couple of hours tonight?"  
"For what?"  
"I thought we could celebrate. And maybe, if you wanted, go on an actual date." I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pull him down, and place his forehead on mine. "Tris, everyone can see."  
"You know what? I really don't care." He wraps his arms around me too, pulling me up on my tip toes and kisses me. We break with a laugh when our friends start clapping and wooing.

"Are you really going to stand there and congratulate her like that? How blind are all of you? Am I the only one who sees the problem with an initiate banging the instructor?" I turn and see Peter walking towards us. "How do you think she moved up so far in the ranks?"  
"Oh please. You're just upset because she beat your ass fair and square," Christina says, stepping between Peter and I.  
"And do we need to remind you of what you did to try and boost  _your_  rankings?" Will adds.  
"You have no proof of anything," Peter scoffs.

Tobias places a hand on Christina's shoulder and gently moves her aside. He takes a single step forward and leans in close to Peter, looking him right in the eye. They stand there, staring each other down until Tobias makes the first move. He slowly leans down and places his mouth near Peter's ear. I cannot hear what is said, but by the look on Peter's face, it must not be something he wants to hear. Tobias resumes his former position for a brief moment before Peter turns and storms off. Tobias watches until he is out of sight, and when he finally turns back around, I can tell he is still in Four mode.

"Hey. It's okay," I say, placing a hand on his back.  
"It is now." He clenches and unclenches his hands a few times and takes a deep breath before finally looking at me. "So, how about we go get your things and take them up to my room."  
"Oh, umm. Okay." I've thought about living with Tobias, but hearing it out loud like this takes me by surprise.  
"Oh, I didn't mean to suggest...only if you want...I'm okay either way."

Christina's mouth hangs open and Will grins. Tobias notices and shoots them his best Four look, but it's too late. "Oh my god. You love her!"  
"Chris!" Will says, elbowing her.  
"What? I always knew they had a thing for each other, I just didn't realize it was this good already. So have you thought about when you're gonna get married and have babies?"  
"Oh my god," I say, grabbing Tobias' hand. "Yes please, let's get my stuff if it gets me out of here."  
As I drag him to the dorm door Christina yells out, "I love you both!"

When we walk into the dorm I see Al, sitting alone on his bed and staring at the wall. "Hey, Al."  
"Oh. Hey Tris," he says, wiping his eyes.  
"Al, you don't need to-"  
"Tris just...please stop, okay?"  
"Okay." I stand there and wait for him to look at me, but he never does. I touch his shoulder gently before heading to my bed to pack. Tobias gives me a tiny smile before making his way over to Al.

"Hey, Al."  
"Hello Four."  
"Listen, there's no shame in coming in last place. You still made it."  
He snorts. "Easy for you to say when you were first."  
"If you want to be upset, that's your choice. But just know that guarding the wall isn't your only option."  
"Yeah actually, it is."  
"No, it's not. You're an incredibly caring person Al. I've seen it firsthand. It's in your best interest to stop pitying yourself for everything you can't do, and start focusing on everything you can."  
I smile. Tobias watches Al for a moment before heading back to me. "Ready?"  
"Yeah."

I don't have much yet, so I take just one drawer and a couple of empty hangers and put my things away. Tobias catches me looking in the closet looking at our things. "You want to go shopping?"  
"Not really."  
He smiles. "Okay. Do you want to go and get something nice for tonight then?"  
"Oh. I didn't...I don't know! Should I?"  
"Yes. Go find Christina and-"  
"Oh, no. Don't make me do that again."  
"-find something nice. I'll meet you back here at 6."  
"6? What are you going to do all day?"  
"You'll see," he says with a wink before shoving me out the door.

"Chris!" I yell out when I finally see her in The Pit.  
"Hey! Where's Four?"  
"I don't know." She raises an eyebrow at me. "We're going on a date tonight and he shoved me out here to find you so we could go shopping." She squeals and jumps up and down. I laugh. "Okay, come on. Let's not make a big deal out of this and get me something already."

* * *

"Chris, it's been hours. This is the last place we can possibly look. If we don't find anything, then I'm going in my training clothes."  
"Tris," she says, looking at me with wide eyes, "You wouldn't dare."  
"Oh, I would dare," I say, sticking my tongue out at her.

She's flipping through a rack when she suddenly stops and stares me. "What?"  
"Have you thought about, you know." She winks and shimmies her hips, and my face flushes immediately. "Oh, Tris. I'm not trying to embarrass you. Really. I just want to make sure you're okay. And let you know that I'm here for you. With like, questions and stuff."

Truth is, I've taken all the required classes in school, but it's so technical, and maybe getting first hand information isn't the worst thing in the world. "Have you?"  
"Yes."  
"With Will?  
She laughs. "Yes."  
"Really? When? Where?" I can't imagine it, since we all slept in the same large dorm together.  
"Shower. And we found an empty room that has a couch in it."  
"Oh."

Truthfully, the thought never even crossed my mind that you could have sex anywhere other than a bed. "Did it...does it hurt?"  
"It can the first time. I have found through much research, which is really all the Candor girls sharing their experiences, that the more comfortable with the idea you are, the less it seems to hurt. Also being the one in charge is good too."  
"In charge?"  
"Yeah. You know, the initiator. If it's something that  _you_  want right now, it'll be a little less awkward for you." I think about this a bit and smile. It makes sense. "Also, it gets better. The first few times are just limbs and genitals and confusion. Practice makes perfect!" she sings out. I blush again.

"Listen. I only brought it up because I know you. I can tell it's something you're nervous about, partly with your upbringing, and partly because that's just you. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just want you to know don't have to be." She scrunches her nose and shrugs. "Just take it slow and do what you feel is right."  
I give her a big hug. "Thank you."  
"Hey. What are friends for? Oh, and don't forget there's more to it than just literal sex. There's fingers and mouths too," she says, wiggling all her fingers at me while making a face.  
"Christina!" I exclaim, shoving her and making my way to the last rack.

Like all things, the perfect outfit was the last place we looked. "Hurry up and get out here!" Christina says, impatiently.  
"Can I put it on first?"  
"No!" she laughs.

She's right though. This is the one. I look at myself in the mirror and run my hands down the soft material, smoothing it out. It's a dress in a shade of red so deep it's almost black that comes down just below my knees. The straps are thin, showing off my ravens and Abnegation symbol. The back is missing, instead replaced with dozens of thin black and silver chains that criss cross in an intricate pattern. "Well?" I ask, stepping out of the dressing room.  
"Oh Tris. That's it. That's the one." I smile. "Now let's go find you some shoes."  
"Ugh Chris, really?"

* * *

I'm just putting on the finishing touches in our bathroom when I hear him come in. "You ready Tris."  
"Yeah. Close your eyes." I wait a moment before asking "Ready?"  
"I am."

I walk out and I stop in my tracks. He's standing there with one hand over his eyes, the other stretched out towards me holding a small yellow flower. I can see he went shopping too. He has on a pair of nice black pants and a dark grey long sleeve shirt that buttons down all the way. I smile at how cute he looks and reach out and take the flower. "You can look now." He uncovers his eyes and smiles. I smoothed out my hair and put on just a little bit of makeup. We also found a pair of skin tight black boots that go all the way to my knees and Christina lent me a long silver chain with a small heart at the end. I spin slowly as he takes me all in.

He takes a step forward and takes me in his arms, pressing his lips against my forehead. "You are so beautiful," he whispers.  
"Yeah, well, you're not half bad yourself." I say, looking up at him and winking. "So where are we going?" He winks before taking my hand and leading me out the door.

"Shit. I didn't think you would be wearing a dress," he says as we stand on the roof. "Do you think you'll be able to jump on the train?"  
I roll my eyes at him. "I think I can manage."

As the train horn sounds, I pull my dress up to my thighs. Tobias smiles and raises an eyebrow. I stick my tongue out at him and take off running, flying through the air and landing with ease. He follows right behind me as I pull my dress back down. "Told you I could mange." I hang on with one hand and lean out, closing my eyes and waving the other through the air. I love this sensation. I open my eyes and see Tobias smiling at me. "What?"

He reaches out and pulls me into his arms. "I love you."  
"I love you too."  
"No, Tris. I don't think you understand," he says, looking into my eyes. "I've loved you since the very first moment I saw you. And when we finally became friends, I never worked up enough courage to ask if you felt this way about me. And then I left. But I never forgot about you. I tried, but I thought about you every single day. I meant what I said before. When I pulled you out of that net, I thought my heart was going to burst. And now here we are. And I'm so proud of you, Tris." My eyes start to tear up. "You are the bravest, most caring, selfless, honest and kind person I have ever known."  
"Don't forget smart," I say half jokingly, causing him to smirk. "You know you're all of those things too, don't you?" He kisses me on the forehead and pulls me in close. We stand that way until it's time to jump again.

"Where are we going?" I ask as we walk through the city.  
"Right here."  
We come around a building and see...Zeke? "Umm," I say, utterly confused.  
"Wow Tris! You look amazing."  
I blush a little. "Thanks."  
"You're welcome. And you're all set man. Have a fantastic night," he says, punching Tobias in the arm before taking off the way we came.

"Right this way." I look to where Tobias is gesturing and smile. There is a small table with a candle on it underneath the large metallic sculpture we call The Bean. I walk over and see  _hamburgers?_  "Our first meal together," he says, pulling my chair out.  
"Actually, it was chicken," I say as I sit. "In Abnegation? At your house."  
"I remember. But our parents were there and we really didn't talk or anything."  
"You called me a Stiff at our first meal in Dauntless!" I say, laughing.  
"Don't remind me. Now come on, let's eat. There's much to do still."

We eat and talk, mostly about our memories. Tobias falls silent for a while before asking, "Do you think if we had stayed in Abnegation, we would have ended up together?"  
"Absolutely," I say without hesitation.  
He smiles. "Me too."

He takes my hand when we're finished eating and pulls me in front of The Bean. He stands behind me and wraps his arms around mine. I smile at his reflection and he smiles back, before kissing me on the side of my head. "Perfect," he whispers in my ear.  
"What is?"  
"Us. You ready for part two?"

We walk hand in hand for a while before I finally recognize where we are. "Tobias? Are we going where I think we're going?"  
"I guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you."

I start to laugh when I see that, yes, it's exactly where we are going. "Tobias, no way." He grins as he pulls me through the entrance. We hop in the elevator and he presses 99. "Tobias, I'm serious." He's still smiling at me, but I can clearly see the nerves setting in the higher we go. "You don't need to do it. You don't have to prove anythi-"  
"Tris," he interrupts. "Shh." I take his hand and squeeze it.

As we walk down the hall, I can see that the ladder is already in place. I give him the side-eye as he gestures for me to go first. I feel the cool gentle breeze blowing through on this moonless night as I make my way up, and I cannot believe my eyes when I finally see part two.

There is a small blanket in the middle of the roof with a basket on it, and tiny white lights strung up all around. "Tobias, I...I don't know what to say." He smiles before holding my hand and leading me to the blanket. I wonder if he even realizes how hard he's squeezing. We sit and he opens the basket, handing me a bottle with blue liquid in it. "Is this fizzy drink? How did you get it? I've always wanted to try it."  
"I have my ways. And me too. Ready?"  
"Yeah. Go!" We take a drink at the same time. "Oh god. It burns!" I say as I laugh.  
"This is not as good as I thought it was going to be," Tobias says, sticking out his tongue and shaking his head. "Good thing I brought something else." He reaches in the basket and pulls out a giant slice of Dauntless cake. "I don't know how the Erudite drink that stuff," he says as he feeds me a bite.  
"Me either," I say, mouth full of chocolate cake.

I lay my head down in his lap when we're done and look up at the stars. "This is what we did on our first date. Well, sort of."  
He smiles as he runs his fingers through my hair. "Date?"  
"Yeah. What else would you call it?"  
"Me being so nervous I thought I was going to puke," he jokes.  
"You weren't that nervous, were you?"  
"No, not that bad. The day I asked you though? Oh man."  
I laugh. "I'm glad you asked."  
"Me too." He smiles before looking up at the stars.

"I have one more thing for us to do tonight." I sit up as he reaches behind a metal box and pulls out a radio. He turns it on and stands, slowly, and holds out his hand. "Beatrice Prior, would you dance with me?"  
"Tobias Eaton, I would love to."  
I smile at how tightly he grips my hand. He pulls me in close, burying his face in my hair, and we dance slowly. I give him a small kiss before I lay my head on his chest, smiling as I listen to the lyrics of the song, and how perfect they are.

_And I've always lived like this  
_ _Keeping a comfortable distance.  
_ _And up until now I have sworn to myself  
_ _That I'm content with loneliness._

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk.  
_ _But you are the only exception._

"Tobias, why did you bring me up here tonight?"  
"You told me how much you loved it up here."  
"Yeah, but you don't. I know this is difficult for you."  
"It is. But I know with you by my side, I can face anything."  
My heart swells as I pull him in close, for both selfish and selfless reasons.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "The Only Exception" by Paramore


	21. Chapter 21

We barely make it out of the elevator or down the hall, our lips locked together making things more difficult than necessary. We finally part because Tobias is fumbling with his keys too much. "You know, you're going to have to get me one of those. This is my apartment too," I say, grinning.  
"So you're staying?"  
"I might as well, you know, since I'm already here." He laughs as he pulls me in, locking the door behind him.

I take my shoes off and wiggle my toes. Tobias gives me a soft kiss on my temple, and hands me his shirt. "I know it's not my t-shirt, but you can wear it if you want." I grab it and go in the bathroom.  
I take off my dress, hang it up neatly on its hanger, and look at myself in the mirror. Christina and I made another stop after our conversation. I pull his shirt over my new underwear and bra and button it up. "Tobias, I had to roll the sleeves up like twenty ti-" I stop as I come out of the bathroom. He's standing there in his comfy sweats holding two tall glasses; the one held out to me has a pink flower covering the entire opening. I take the glass and smile. I remove the flower and see the liquid inside is a bubbly pale yellow. "More fizzy drink?" I say, scrunching my nose up.  
"No. It's alcohol. Champagne. It's what everyone drinks when they celebrate something special. It's supposed to be very good."  
"Yeah, well so was the fizzy drink," I say, smelling it. "Although I'm sure that anything is better than what Zeke serves us. So what's the special thing we're celebrating?"  
He smiles and pulls me close. "Us."

It takes a good fifteen minutes before either one of us actually taste the champagne. We're both out of breath when we sit down on our bed. "You know, this isn't half bad," I say, taking another sip.  
"Eh. I prefer Zeke's concoctions."  
I push on Tobias' chest, forcing him to scoot against the wall, and nestle myself into him. "You know, you could have just asked me to scoot back."  
"I could have, but where's the fun in that? Besides, maybe I like being the one to boss you around for a change," I say, smiling.  
"Careful Tris," he says in his best Four voice. I look up at him and he smiles. "I just might like that."

Something stirs inside of me at this small little confession. It always does when he drops his wall and let's me in. I love Tobias, but in this moment, it's not enough. I can hold him and I can kiss him, but I want something more. I want to share all of my secrets with him. Share everything that makes me, me. Share things that I've never shared with anyone else. I want to show him that he is mine, and I am his, forever and always.

I lean over him and place my glass on the nightstand next to his, pull myself up, and straddle him.  
"Hi," I whisper.  
"Hey," he whispers back.  
My heart is pounding as I lean forward and kiss him. He slides his hands up my back before bringing them back down and resting them on my hips, sending a wave of goosebumps radiating out. I run my fingers through his soft hair as we take turns battling for dominance over each others mouths. I pull away, surprised, when I feel Tobias grind himself against me.  
"Sorry," he says, sheepishly.  
I smile, knowing that I am the reason he is hard. "Don't be." I wrap my arms around his neck and roll over, pulling him with me. He lies next to me, propped up on an elbow, running his fingers through my hair and over my cheek, before leaning down and finding my lips again. We stay like this for a long time before I push him away.

He looks at me, confused. I give him a coy smile and bite my lip. He grins and moves to lean back down, but I reach out and place my hands on his chest, stopping him again. I look into his eyes as I pull my hands away, and bring them down to my shirt. He breaks our stare, watching as I start at the top, slowly undoing one button at a time. I can hear his breathing become a little heavier the lower I go. As I undo the last button, I leave my shirt closed, and bring my hands up to his face. I pull him towards me and give him a small kiss on the lips, never breaking eye contact.

His eyes shift back and forth quickly between mine. He reaches up and places his fingertips underneath the collar of my shirt, and waits. I nod, and even then he hesitates slightly before pushing it off my shoulder, causing the rest of it to slide down and expose one side of my body. He smiles as he looks over me and I blush, slightly rolling into him to hide my embarrassment.  
"Hey," he whispers. "We don't have to-"  
"No. I want to. I just need a minute."  
He nods and kisses my forehead, the tip of my nose, my flushed cheek. One small smile and he out of sight, kissing my jaw before moving down to my neck.  _Minutes up_ I think as every inch of my body tingles in response to his lips on my neck. I close my eyes and let out a small sigh as he moves down, kissing across each one of my ravens. "I love this about you," he mumbles against them. "I love you, Tris."

I pull him up to my lips and kiss him, my heart thumping so hard it might burst. "I love you too." He looks at me, and I know I want this more than anything, but my nerves are getting the best of me. I take a deep breath. "I think I might not be ready. You know," I say, softly.  
"Okay," he says before placing a small kiss on my cheek. He starts to lie down on his back when I reach out and pull him back to me, thinking about the conversation I had with Christina. I do want this, so it's time to take charge.

I take his hand and place it on my stomach. His touch sends electricity surging throughout my entire body. He doesn't dare move, leaving all of the control in my hands. I slowly slide his hand further down until his fingertips are flush with the waistband of my underwear. He takes in a sharp breath, never looking away from me. My heart is pounding so loud now it's all I can hear, and I wonder if his is too. I remove my hand from his and gently pull his mouth to mine, but I don't kiss him. I just look into his eyes and see all the love that is in them. "Tobias," I whisper against his lips, "touch me."

He gives an almost imperceptible nod and slowly, gently moves his hand underneath my underwear as I move my legs apart. I close my eyes and let out a small gasp at the first contact with his fingers. They brush over me lightly before finding their way to my entrance. He touches gently at first, before pressing a little harder, taking in how wet I am. He brings his fingers back up and makes soft, slow circles around my clit. Despite the crassness, I can't stop myself from letting out a soft "Fuck," at how good it feels. I open my eyes slightly and see Tobias smiling. I bring a hand up and cover my face, a little embarrassed.

"No, don't," he whispers. "I like knowing I make you feel like this." I nod and rest my arm up over my head, closing my eyes again and giving him control. My body reacts favorably to his touch, sending small alternating waves of warmth and pleasure throughout. The few times he pulls away to gather more of my wetness, I protest through small moans, my body desperately wanting it to never stop. It doesn't take long to push me to the edge, and with a whimper and a small "Please," Tobias takes me over. My hand digs into the pillow above as my orgasm rolls through me, the pleasure increasing when he moves his hand down and slides a finger inside of me. "Tobias," I moan out, completely unable to control anything at this point.

He moves his finger in and out slowly for a minute, before adding a second. I shudder at the slight pressure, but in no time it's gone. I bite my lip and relax into it, enjoying every minute of the new sensations my body is experiencing. It's not long before another feeling is taking over me. The build up is similar, and yet, completely different. "Don't stop," I manage to get out in between heavy, ragged breaths. Tobias obliges, his fingers gliding effortlessly into the right spot. A small yelp escapes me when the explosion that courses throughout me is almost too much for me to handle. My body twitches and shivers with pleasure, a wave of total satisfaction rushing over me. I smile and exhale deeply. It's only when I feel Tobias' stiffness that's been pressed against my hip that I am brought back to reality. I kick myself for forgetting all about his wants and needs.

"Hi," I say, as I finally open my eyes and look at him.  
"Hey," he says before leaning down and kissing me. I pull him close and kiss him with everything I've got, before gently pushing him so he lies down on his back. It's my turn now to listen to the small noises Tobias makes as I kiss his neck and across his chest. I place my hand on his stomach, just above his waistband, and lightly run my fingertips back and forth. He mutters something I cannot understand, and I can't help but notice the tent that his sweats have made, twitch. I look at him and he gives me a tiny nod, indicating it's his turn to give me free reign.

I slide my hand under his pants, and smile again when I feel he still has his boxers on. I make my way under them too, and take him in my hand. "Fuck," he says the same way I did, letting a small smirk play across his face. I roll my eyes and smile, making a mental note of how cute it was before kissing his chest and slowly moving my hand up and down. I stop after a few strokes, unsure if this is what I am supposed to be doing, or if it's what he even likes. "What's wrong?" he asks, out of breath.  
"Nothing. I'm just...I don't really know..."  
He nods and reaches down, placing his hand over mine. We move together, him setting a pace as well as showing me a couple of different things that feel good. I push his hand back out when I feel more confident, and watch as he places his arms above his head as I did, allowing me the freedom to give him his pleasure.

I find it doesn't take long before he is moving his hips, thrusting into my hand at a faster pace, alternating between sweet words of love, and curse words. I place my free hand on his hip, steadying him and telling him that, no, I am the one in control. He nods again and allows me to take over at a faster pace. It only takes a few more strokes before I see his body tense, a soft "Tris," escaping. I loosen my grip slightly and give a few more soft strokes before he relaxes, his body giving a quick shudder after his orgasm.

We clean ourselves up before settling back down in bed. "Where did you learn all of that?" I ask. He looks at me and grins. "Zeke," I say, rolling my eyes and answering my own question. We laugh and I burrow my face into Tobias' neck as he pulls me in tight, whispering sweet musings of love and forever while absentmindedly rubbing his thumb in small circles on my shoulder. I place a kiss over his heart just before falling asleep, his words spawning the greatest dreams I have ever had.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Other than dinner with everyone one night, and a serious Christina stealing me away for an hour to pay a visit to the nurse for a little birth control lesson and a shot "Just in case," Tobias and I spend almost a full week locked away in our room, exploring each other and simply enjoying our time together.

"You know what you want to do yet?" Tobias asks after hopping out of the shower one morning, as I lazily lay in bed.  
"Not really. What do you think?"  
"I think you and I should train next year."  
"Me? Train?"  
"Yes you. I think it'll be good to show the new initiates that you can still kick an ass or two when you're this small and cute."

I roll my eyes and make a gagging sound, but Tobias just leans down and kisses me on the forehead. It makes me happy though knowing he feels this way about me. That he knows without a doubt I can take care of myself.  
"Okay, but what about the rest of the time?"  
He loses himself in thought for a moment. "Intelligence. With me."  
"I don't know if I want to sit in front of a screen all day like you," I tease.  
"Well, there's more to it than just that. You could always train to be a communications expert. You know, run the way the different factions talk to each other. The Erudite are always coming up with new and better ways, leaving the rest of us behind. You would be like, an Ambassador of sorts. Plus, it would have the added benefit of you going to Erudite and Abnegation. You could visit with your family."  
"Really?" I say, excitedly. I would love for a chance to see my family on a regular basis. "I think I would like that."

I hear a loud beeping all throughout the apartment as soon as I get out of the shower. "What is that?"  
"It's the emergency alert. Get dressed."  
I towel off and get dressed, pulling my hair in a quick ponytail. "What's it for?"  
"No idea. But I'm guessing it can't be good."

We enter The Pit and find most of Dauntless already assembled. There is a large screen that has been placed on the stage from last night, along with Max and Eric. I look for my friends, but I'm too short to see much. Tobias takes my hand and shakes his head, sensing what I'm trying to do.  
"Quiet down!" Max bellows out over the crowd. After a few minutes, everyone finally settles down. "We have an important announcement that needs to be heard by all. In a few moments it will play on this screen. Your compliance is mandatory." Tobias rubs his thumb in small circles on my hand while we wait.

The screen turns on, and an Erudite woman appears that I recognize from school.

"Hello, My name is Jeanine Matthews. As many of you know, I am the leader of Erudite. I am sending this message out to all of the factions today in unison as a precaution. We have a threat amongst us. A threat that involves every faction. A threat that if ignored, will destroy our very way of life. That threat is known as divergence. What is divergence, you ask? Well, simply put, it is a member of our society who is incapable of adhering to the faction system, thus possessing the ability to overthrow the government, and the ability to corrupt and poison every one of us with their way of thinking. They threaten the everlasting peace our society has attained. Divergents are also the ones responsible for the great war that destroyed everything outside of the wall. They now threaten to do the very same inside these city walls. So today I am asking for your cooperation in helping us locate every divergent in the city. We have found a way to help them. Erudite headquarters is now open to all who seek to help themselves. A small shot is all it takes, and you'll be back home to your families in no time. I want to thank you for your cooperation in advance, and I want to thank everyone who stands up and does the right thing in helping identify those they believe to be divergent." The screen goes blank.

"First, we are going to ask for volunteers to help escort those that are divergent to Erudite headquarters peacefully and without incident. If you wish to volunteer, see Eric. You will be leaving immediately," Max calls out. I watch as the Dauntless throw themselves at Eric, dying to be a part of this. "Second, if you are divergent, or suspect that someone may be divergent, please see me no later than tonight so your fellow Dauntless can escort you to Erudite ASAP." He immediately leaves the stage and heads for a different elevator, which I assume leads to his office.  
"Four?"  
"Not now. Go home and pack our things. Bag in the closet. Don't talk to anyone." I nod and turn, trying to act as casual as I can as I head back to our apartment.

I rifle through the closet and finally find the bag Tobias had hidden. I grab as many useful things as I can think of and stuff them in the bag. I'm concentrating so hard I jump when I hear the door open. "You scared me," I say, out of breath.  
"Sorry. I think we should leave. What do you think?"  
"Where would we go?"  
"I know of a place. What I need to know is if you want to leave or not."  
"I don't know. I mean, we're in danger, Tobias. But I don't want to just leave. What if we could help them?" I sigh. I've never been this scared or confused before. "All I know is I have a bad feeling about this."  
"Me too. I've met Jeanine before. Her intelligence is unlike any I have ever known. It's almost frightening." I watch Tobias for a moment as he starts to pace, lost in his thoughts. He stops and looks at his watch. "There's a train leaving in five minutes. It would be best if we left now while there's still chaos going on around here. I hate to put you on the spot like this, but I need to know what your decision is, now."  
"If I stay, will you go?"  
"No."  
"Then let's go."

Tobias grabs the bag and we make our way to the roof, jumping onto the train without incident. "Where are we going?"  
He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. "You'll see. I have a lot of things to tell you." My heart races and my mind wanders. I thought I already knew all of his secrets.

He let's me go after some time. "Get ready to jump."  
"Here?" I ask, looking out the door. We've just passed Amity, but there's nothing out here for miles. He looks at me and I know he's serious. He takes one last look out the door before we jump. I follow silently as we walk through the large empty field. As we approach the wall, I notice a very small hole near the ground. He gestures and I get on my belly, pulling myself through. My heart skips a beat at the thought that we are outside of the wall.  
"It's not far from here," he says after he's pulled himself and the bag through. I can see we are heading towards a small area that is dense with trees. We make our way through them before finding another clearing. We take a slight left and head towards another grouping of trees. I'm about to ask Tobias if he really knows where he's going, when it comes into view. My mouth hangs open in awe. "A house?"  
"Well, part of a house," he says, smiling.

It's hidden well. Most of the vegetation has taken over what's left, but I can still see that the front door used to be red. I start to walk up the steps when Tobias grabs my hand. "This way." I follow him around to the side of the house and see the majority of the back half is missing. "I made another entrance so this one would look undisturbed."  
"Made?" I say, looking confused. He walks to where the destruction starts, and pulls back on the wall. Sure enough, a small door opens. "Wait here a minute," he says as he walks in. A few moments later he gives me the all clear and I come inside. It's a small room, with a couch, a fireplace and a fully stocked bookcase. "This used to be the living room. That door there leads to a bedroom and a bathroom, and this one here is the kitchen. We go through the door and I am amazed at how large it is. Not to mention that it's full of food. He walks over to the sink and turns it on. "Running water."  
"Tobias. I think now is the time to tell me everything."

We sit on the couch, facing each other. He takes a long deep breath before talking. "I don't really know where to start..." He looks down and stares off for a while.  
"Tobias. Just start at the beginning. I promise I will listen and keep an open mind." He looks up at me, and I can tell he's fighting back tears.

"It's no secret I chose Dauntless to get away from Marcus. He..." Tobias closes his eyes for a moment and takes a long, drawn out breath before continuing. "He beat me the night before to make sure I would choose Abnegation. He also told me that I would never be free of him. That he would choose my job and my wife. I told you. I hated myself for it. I felt like such a coward running away like that. And then a few months after initiation, I was out replacing a camera near the Factionless sector, and...I saw my mother."

I open my mouth in total shock. "Yeah. That was my reaction too. I wasn't sure at first. I mean, it had been over ten years. So I followed, and when I heard them say Evelyn, I went running to her. We had a small conversation. She apologized for leaving me and, well, having to fake her death. I'm not the only one who ran from him." He lowers his eyes, his voice is now smaller, quieter. "She told me how she wished she could have taken me with her, but she knew it would be hard to survive being Factionless at such a young age. We met several more times and, eventually, I decided that Dauntless was not the place for me. I was going to become Factionless and be with her. Then I found that hole in the wall one day, and then this house. I told her, but she wanted me to stay with her in the Factionless sector instead. I admit, I was hesitant because what if you stayed in Abnegation? What if you saw me? And I didn't want to take the chance of my father finding out. So I slowly gathered supplies and brought them here."

"And then one day, about five months ago I went to meet Evelyn, but she wasn't there. I waited, and eventually another woman showed up and told me she had been killed. I didn't believe her, for obvious reasons, but I had no choice. I focused all of my attention on this house after that. I was ready to leave. I had this bag packed even. But the nagging sensation that I needed to wait wouldn't subside, so I did. I knew deep down it was because I needed to make sure that you weren't going to fall through the floor and into the net. And then you did. And my world was turned upside down once more." He reaches forward and places a hand softly on my cheek. "And I'll be damned if I lose you again." He leans forward, placing his head over my ravens and releases a small sob.

I run my hands through his hair and try to comfort him, allowing my own tears to fall too. I had no idea how much he had been through, and it pains me to see him like this. He cries for a while, and I let him, only telling him "It's okay," every so often. When he finally pulls himself together, I kiss him softly on the lips and curl up next to him on the couch. "Is there anything else?" I ask apprehensively.  
"No, I think that's all of it." He gives me a shy smile as he wipes away a stray tear.  
"Okay."  
Tobias is silent. He seems to be looking everywhere but where I am. It takes me a minute to figure out how to break the little bit of awkwardness that's crept in.

"Do you want to know what my fears were?"  
"You don't have to share if you don't want to."  
"No, I do."  
"Okay," he says, finally looking at me.

"Well, you already know about the tank and the crows. I was also drowning in water, Peter tied me up and tried to set me on fire, being grabbed by a bunch of men," I see Tobias' eyes tighten just little at this one. "I had to watch my family die, and well, the last one involved you."  
"Me?" He asks, shocked. "Tris, are you afraid of me?"  
"Not exactly, no. It was, well, you and me, together. Intimately." A big goofy grin spreads across his face. "You're making me regret telling you this with that look on your face," I say laughing and covering mine.  
"I'm sorry. Besides, I think you might be well on your way to overcoming that fear, no?" The mood is finally lightened, thanks to my embarrassment. He kisses both my hands as I pull them away from my face, and says, "Six."  
"What."  
"You'll only have six fears then. Maybe I'll just call you Six."  
"Four and Six," I say, smiling.  
He wraps his arms around me and squeezes tight. "Come on. Let's make ourselves something to eat."

The kitchen is stocked full of canned food, and things that don't perish, like rice and beans. "Peaches?" Tobias asks, handing me a can and a fork.  
"Thank you. So what exactly works in this house?"  
"Water. No gas or electricity."  
I frown. "Cold showers then?"  
"No. We can heat the water in the fireplace. Mix it with the cold in the tub for a nice warm bath."  
"Yeah, but won't that make smoke?"  
"It would, if I didn't already modify the chimney to disperse the smoke closer to the ground."  
"How did you find the time to do all of this?" I ask, feeling a sense of pride for how smart he is.  
"The Amity have a lot of problems with their computers," he says with a wink.  
"Are you sure you didn't get Erudite?"  
He laughs. "I'm sure."

"Hey, you never told me about Four." He raises an eyebrow. "I mean why you chose that as your name."  
"Ah. Well, I didn't choose it for myself. When I went through initiation, they said absolutely nothing to us after we jumped and threw us straight into our landscapes. And it wasn't just one. It was all of them."  
"What?"  
"Yeah. They wanted to try something new. That was the first year Max was our leader. My instructor saw everything, obviously. When I came out, he called me Four, and I liked it. I didn't have to be Tobias anymore." I frown. "Hey, none of that. The best thing about all of this? You make me want to be Tobias again."

We spend the rest of the day getting lost in each other, reading books and organizing the kitchen. We finally settle down in bed late in the evening, far to tired to do anything other than sleep.

 


	23. Chapter 23

"Morning, beautiful." I crack an eye and see Tobias hovering over me, a bowl in one hand. "I made you breakfast in bed." I smile and sit up. Oatmeal. I scrunch my nose at it. "Shit. You don't like oatmeal?"  
"No, I'll eat it. It's just not my favorite." I take a big bite and give an appreciative smile, even though it tastes gross. He leaves and after a few minutes, I hear random noises coming from throughout the house. "What are you doing?" I yell out.  
"Heating water. Trying to be romantic and run you a bath." I smile. His efforts are sweet.

I take my time and relax in the tub with Tobias sitting on the floor next to me. We make small talk, but mostly I just lay there with my eyes closed, enjoying the freedom of doing absolutely nothing. After lunch I lay my head in Tobias' lap and listen to him read me poems out of one of the books. It's when we have peaches again for dinner that I realize what's bothering me about his whole situation.

"Tobias, this isn't going to work, is it?"  
He sighs. "No."  
"What were we thinking?"  
"I was just trying to keep you safe."  
"I know you were. But we can't stay here. We don't even know what the city's like right now. Or if any of our friends were divergent, or hurt."  
"I know." He strokes my hair. "Let's try and get a good night's sleep tonight. We'll leave early and scout everything out. You do know there is a chance that we'll have to come back though, right? I mean, we've been missing for two days. We can't just walk back into Dauntless like nothing happened."  
"I know." He gets that stupid grin on his face again. "What?"  
"Since it might be our last night here, you want to sleep in front of the fire?"  
I laugh. "Sure. Why not."

We take all the blankets and sheets and make ourselves a little bed on the floor. Tobias gives me his shirt as usual before changing into his sweats. When he curls around me and falls asleep almost instantly, my heart skips a little beat, knowing that I'm the one that makes him feel this safe. I lie still and stare at the shadows playing on the ceiling, too nervous about what might be happening in the city to sleep. I clear my mind and focus on Tobias instead. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. I give a little smile to myself at the butterflies I still feel when I'm with him. I wonder silently if I'll always feel them.

I toss and turn a few times before realizing what it is that's keeping me awake.  
"Tobias," I whisper. I prop myself up on one elbow and shake him gently. He makes a muffled "Hmm," but doesn't really wake. "Tobias," I say again.  
"Huh? What's wrong?" He says, shooting up.  
"Nothing. Relax, relax," I say, placing a hand on his chest.  
"Jesus, Tris. Don't do that to me."  
"Sorry."  
He stares for a moment. "What is it?"  
"I need you."  
"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," He says softly, placing a hand behind my neck and bringing his forehead to mine.  
"No Tobias, I...," I bite my lip and look into his eyes. "I want you."

He pulls back slightly and takes a deep breath. His eyes flick back and forth between mine before giving me a small smirk. I lay down and pull him on top of me, allowing him to rest in between my legs. I curl my fingers into his hair and bring his lips to mine, alternating between soft, sweet pecks, and deep, passionate kisses that make me wish this night would never end. I run my hands down Tobias' back, allowing my fingertips to slide underneath the waistband of his sweats. I bring them down, grasping his hips as he gently presses himself against me. It feels good, causing the want radiating from in between my legs to increase significantly.

He pulls himself away, mid-kiss. "What?" I ask.  
"I just, I want to make sure you want this, Tris. And that you aren't doing it just because I've been wanting to."  
I smile. "You've been wanting to?"  
He looks away, blushing. "Tris, you have no idea."  
I place my hand on his cheek and turn his head back towards mine. "I've never been more sure of anything."

He leans in and gives me a small peck on my cheek before making his way to my neck. I let out a soft sigh when he runs his nose in a small circle before gently kissing and licking a trail down to my ravens. I press on his shoulders, causing him to sit back on his heels. "Shh," I say as I sit up. I look into his eyes as I reach down and pull his shirt up over my head, leaving me exposed in just my panties. I second guess my bold choice for a brief moment when he looks me over silently. "Say something," I whisper.  
"You're so beautiful." He leans forward and kisses me as I lie us back down. "Do you trust me?" he whispers against my mouth.  
"With my life." I feel like I'm finally able to let go of Abnegation when I feel him smile against me, before kissing his way back down to my ravens.

My breath catches in my throat when he kisses my breast, softly caressing my nipple with the tip of his tongue. The wet warmth sends a shiver through me, and I smile. He takes his time, paying careful and equal attention to both, before placing soft, wet kisses down my stomach. My chest heaves; breath heavy with anticipation. He kisses my hip, trailing tiny kisses across the edge of my panties to kiss the other one, before making his way back to the middle. Every warm touch of his soft lips makes my heart race and my skin tingle like it's on fire. When I don't feel anything else I look down, and find him looking up at me. He hooks his fingers into my waistband and waits. I give him a small smile, completely in love with how he respects me and my fears. I nod and lay my head back, closing my eyes as he slowly strips my panties away, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. I hear him shuffle a bit and I'm fairly certain he has just removed his clothing too.

He starts at my ankles, alternating a warm kiss between them. He makes his way up my legs, gently spreading them as he kisses each calf, each knee, each thigh. If he has said anything, I didn't hear it; the sound of my beating heart is deafening. I feel his breath on me first, and I hold mine, releasing it in one loud gasp when I feel his tongue on me. He starts at my entrance, softly running the length of my seam all the way up to my clit, and places a small kiss there before latching on. I'm having a hard time remembering how to even breath, each soft, small circle his tongue makes causing pleasure to course through my entire being. I reach up and run my fingers through my own hair. I grab a fistful and tug gently when he pulls away, letting out a small moan when he takes his time running his tongue up and down, exploring all of me.

I let go and run my hands down my own body, a sensation new to itself, before grabbing a fistful of Tobias' hair. I pull him back up to where it feels the best, desperate for release. He licks slow and gentle, causing me to gently grind against his mouth for more. He grips my hips tightly, holding me still before pulling away. I look up and see him smiling at me in between chest heaves. "You tease," I whisper. He keeps eye contact as he lowers his head, giving me exactly what I want. I lie my head back down and close my eyes, lying still and giving him complete control. A minute and a few small circles later, I feel my orgasm roll through me, my body trembling in ecstasy. He kisses each hip again before bringing himself up to me.

"Hi."  
"Hey," I say, out of breath.  
He smiles. "I love you."  
"I love you too."  
"We don't have to if you're not ready."

I push him hard, causing him to roll over and climb on top, straddling him at the waist. He looks shocked at first before easing into a smile. I smile too. I lean down and kiss him before sitting back up. I raise up off of him, placing my hands on his chest while I move back slightly. I stop when I feel the tip of him hard against my entrance. It causes me to throb between my legs, the apprehension of the situation gone before it even fully manifests. I crave the bond this will create between us more than anything, and when Tobias places his hands on my hips, I nod, and slowly lower myself onto him.

At first the stretch is uncomfortable. I let out a small pant, steadying myself against him. He gives my hips a small squeeze and I smile shyly before slowly moving back up. Tobias closes his eyes and lets out a quiet moan, and after a few movements, the slight pain disappears. I lean forward and kiss him, and he takes me by surprise, pumping out a few quick thrusts. "Sorry," He whispers out when I tense slightly. "Am I hurting you?"  
"No. I'm fine. I just didn't expect it. That's all." He smiles before closing his eyes, moving in and out of me again, only slower this time. I sit up slightly and realize, this feels similar to when he uses his fingers. With my hands over his heart, I close my eyes and let go. Our bodies, slick with sweat, move together in unison. Tobias runs his hands up my sides, causing my skin to tingle. He gently scratches on his way back down and I bite my lip, moaning softly at the mixture of pain and pleasure. He places both hands back on my hips and squeezes tightly, jerking slightly underneath me as he comes, and muttering a soft "Holy shit."

I let out a small laugh and he shoots me a look. "Don't laugh."  
"I'm not. I like knowing I make you feel this way," I say, giving him a little wink.  
"You didn't, did you?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer.  
"No. But don't worry. There's plenty of time to perfect that in the future."  
"Oh is there?" he says, grabbing me and rolling us over so he is on top of me again. I let out a shriek of laughter as he burrows into my neck, making silly noises and breathing heavy to tickle me.

He pulls away and starts lightly running his fingers through my hair. "Thank you."  
"For?"  
"Being the light in my life." I pull him as close as I can to me; any space between us at this moment is too much to bear.  
"You're welcome."

We stay like that for a while; me twirling my fingers in his hair while he runs his thumb in small circles over my Abnegation tattoo, soothing me so I finally feel relaxed enough to sleep. As much as I hate to, I break our embrace and roll over, finding a comfortable spot in Tobias' arms.  
"Have I told you you're beautiful?" he whispers in my ear.  
"You might have mentioned it once."  
I feel him give a small chuckle. "Goodnight, Six."  
I smile. "Goodnight, Four."

* * *

**Tobias**

I watch her sleep, not wanting to wake her and start this day. Her breaths are heavy, and the way the sheet barely covers her lower half is incredibly sexy. Her back is smooth yet muscular; hip curving upward, skin pale and soft in the early light. Her time in Dauntless has served her well. She's no longer the scrawny girl she used to be. Her muscles have filled her out thoroughly, not to mention she could easily kick an ass or two. I wrap my arm around her and give her tattoo a kiss. "Tris. Time to wake up."  
"I don't want to," she says without moving.  
"I know. You get ready first. I'll start breakfast. Lie here until the waters warmed up though." I give her another kiss on her shoulder before finding my pants and making my way into the kitchen.

I don't know what we'll face when we get back, so I set aside some food to take with us while waiting for the water to boil. After filling the tub, I rouse her again. She walks to the bathroom totally nude, and I smile, wondering where this confidence came from. I make us a large breakfast just in case. Some beans and rice, a can of pears and a packet of beef jerky.

"What's this?"  
"Jerky." She stares at me like I'm an idiot. "It's dried beef. You never tried it at Dauntless?"  
"I never even saw it," she says, picking it up and smelling it.  
"It's good. Eat up. I have a feeling we're gonna need it."  
"Yeah. Me too."

We eat in silence. I watch her eyes light up when she finally tries the jerky. "Do you have any more of this?"  
"Yeah. One more pack." I don't know why I didn't grab more.  
"We'll have to save it for a special occasion then," she says with a wink. I kiss her on the head, leaving her to pack a light bag while I get ready.

She's staring at the dying fire when I come out. I wrap my arms around her and stare too.  
"You ready?" She asks.  
"Yeah. You?"  
"Yeah." She turns and gives me a hug. I kiss the top of her head and take her hand, grabbing the pack on the way out and leading us back into the unknown.

 


	24. Chapter 24

The sun is just rising as we walk along the tracks towards Dauntless, foregoing the train in case it isn't safe. There isn't much cover out here, so when we reach the edge of Amity, we turn and make our way into the city.  
"Whatever happens, you stay with me, got it?" She nods and squeezes my hand. I curse myself for not having the forethought to grab some weapons before we left the compound.

The city is eerily empty as we make our way through. Even the few Factionless that sometimes hang out in this area are absent. We take our time and weave our way in between abandoned buildings. After a quick look around, I use my elbow to break a window and clear it out before helping Tris climb through. Making our way to the top floor, I can see I was right. We have an unobstructed view of Dauntless.  
"There's hardly anyone out."  
"I know," I say, worrying even more that this was a mistake. The handful of people who are out are heavily armed.  
"What's the plan?" she asks.  
"For right now, we wait."

We spend the next few hours watching. People are still able to go in and out of the compound, but not without checking with the guards first. They also seem to only come and go from one direction. I open the window and look out, certain now that Erudite is always their destination. Tris nudges me. "Look," she says, pointing. I grab her and plant a quick kiss on her lips before leaning back out, and whistle. She raises an eyebrow at me, but I just point in the same direction. I whistle again and watch as Zeke looks around, trying to find me.

"He's not going to know we're up here."  
"Oh he will. It might not be right now, but he'll find me."  
"Only you?" she teases. I whistle again. "So, what exactly am I witnessing here?"  
"We got locked out of the compound once. It's a long story. But that night we slept in an empty building, and came up with this as a way to get each other's attention if we were to get into any trouble."  
"Have you used it before?"  
"No. But I'm sure glad he remembered."  
We watch as Zeke slowly turns in a circle, taking one last look before heading into the compound. Unfortunately, we also got the attention of the guards too. I shut the window quietly and pull Tris into a room on the other side of the building for the time being.

"So, we're all alone," I say, leaning down and kissing her neck.  
"Yes we are. In a dirty old abandoned building," she says, giving me a small smirk.  
"Oh, alright. Let's look through some of these rooms and see if there's anything useful." We have no luck in the first three rooms, but the fourth looks like someone slept here once. There's a small, relatively clean mattress, a couple of blankets, and a solar powered lantern. I leave it in a room with a good amount of sunlight and hope it will charge. We bring the mattress and blankets into the room with the view, and wait for nightfall.

"It's after ten. I bet the compound is on lockdown by now. Which means, if I'm right, I hope that lantern works." I leave Tris and grab it, relieved that it turns on. She gives me a look when I come back. "Just wait," I say, putting my arm around her as we look out onto our former home.

It's just after midnight when I see movement on the roof. The moon is full, but we're far enough away that I can only make out a single figure.  
"I can't tell in this light," she says, squinting.  
"Me either."  
"It looks like it could be but-" She stops. A single light flashes three times. I smile. I hold the lantern up to the window and turn it on and off three times too. I see Zeke jump in the air before disappearing back into the compound.

"Told you he'd find me," I say, sticking out my tongue. She gasps before sticking hers back out at me. I sit on the mattress and pull her down next to me. "Get some rest. I'll take first watch."  
"Only if you give me a kiss first."  
I look into her eyes for just a moment, before finding her mouth with mine. My heart races every time, and I wonder if it will always be like this. I pull away and cover her with a blanket as she lies down, and run my fingers through her hair until she is breathing heavily.

We switch places early in the morning. Just before ten Tris wakes me. People are finally leaving the compound, so we watch, waiting for a glimpse of Zeke.  
"There," Tris says, pointing.  
He's heading north toward Erudite, only much slower. He looks up once before heading out of sight. "Come on." I take Tris' hand and we head out.

We walk quickly in the same direction as everyone else, cutting over five streets down before hiding behind a dumpster. I rap lightly on it when Zeke comes into view. He takes a quick look around before heading down to us.  
He gives Tris a small hug before slapping me on the shoulder. "Where have you guys been?"  
"Away. Listen, what the hell is going on?"  
"Too much to tell you now. A couple of us are going to sneak out tonight and come to you. Plan is for midnight. That's when the guards change."  
"Is it safe? Should we meet you down there just in case?"  
"Nah man. I got it covered. See you then," he says quietly as he jogs back to where he came from.

With nothing to do, Tris and I slowly make our way back to our abandoned building.

* * *

It's just after midnight when Zeke comes into view. He looks around and motions with his hand. Five others make their way out. "Wait here," I tell Tris. I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and run down to our window, signaling when he comes into view. We make our way up before Zeke introduces us to everyone. "This is Lauren," he says jokingly, causing her to punch him right in the arm. "Ow! Alright. This is Marlene, Phoenix, Leo and and Roxy."

We shake hands with everyone before I ask the obvious. "Where's Uriah?" Zeke stands there, silent.  
Lauren leans in and whispers, and he nods. "I'm not sure where to start. When did you guys leave?" she asks.  
"As soon as Jeanine's video aired," I answer. She looks between Tris and I; Lauren's not stupid.  
"So you missed pretty much everything then. About half of the Dauntless rushed the stage, signing up with Eric and Max. Those of us that didn't, were called cowards, and traitors."

Zeke waves his hand in the air and takes over. "I didn't know. Lauren did. She found me and we found Uriah together. He was scared, but he volunteered to go willingly. We tried to convince him to hide it and stay, but he sorta broke down. Saying he was afraid to be different because he didn't want to be a danger to me or anyone else." He lets out a long sigh, and Lauren places a hand on his shoulder. "So I volunteered to escort him to Erudite. Figured I'd wait it out and bring him back home when he was done. That night, most of the people waiting around for their family members were kicked out of Erudite headquarters. Told to go home and wait. And that's the last anyone has heard of anything. Erudite is on total lockdown. Nobody gets in or out. Dauntless patrol the streets. Their orders are shoot to kill."

"Uriah's divergent?" Tris asks. I can see a look of shock on her face.  
"Yeah."  
"Shoot to kill?" I say, bringing the conversation back to where I need it to be.  
"Yeah. Well, I mean, it seems that way. We're allowed to go to Erudite every day to see if whoever we have in there is ready to be released. An older woman got irate, demanding to see her daughter, and when she wouldn't back off, they shot her. One of the guards basically yelled out if we don't comply, that's what happens." He gestures around to the others, "They all have someone there too. They've seen it." I look around at the others we hardly know, watching them nod in unison.

Zeke hangs his head; Lauren instinctively rubs his back. "That's not all of it though," she says after a moment. "Shauna. She had been one of the first to volunteer. Zeke saw her when he dropped off Uriah, and she acted like she didn't even know him. She's one of the guards patrolling Erudite."

Tris looks at me, eyes wide. I nod, knowing exactly what she's thinking. "I think we may know something," she says, catching Zeke's attention. "I overheard a conversation between Eric and Max. They were talking about finding divergents and controlling them. How or why, I don't know. But whatever is happening, it seems like it has been planned for a long time."

"Who else is missing?" I ask.  
"Not sure. If the rumors are true, about fifteen Dauntless volunteered to go. And about a hundred are guarding."  
"That's a lot of guarding for something as innocent as a shot."  
"Fifteen volunteered to go? I think it's safe to say that around seventy people are at Erudite then," Tris says, thinking out loud. "What would be the motivation to keep, clothe, and feed that many people, the majority of whom are not even from your faction?"

We are silent for a long time before Marlene speaks up. "We have to find out what's going on. And we can't do that sitting here and staring at each other. We should go out in groups. Set up surveillance. Maybe we can find a way in and-" she cuts herself off, a small sob taking over. I look at Tris for an answer, but her gaze is fixed on Marlene.  
"Oh. I almost forgot," Zeke says, throwing the bag slung over his shoulder down with a thump. "Thought you might like a little present." He unzips it and smiles.  
"You Zeke, are not as dumb as you look," I say as I pick up a gun.

* * *

We each get a few hours of sleep before heading out. "Okay, nobody do anything stupid. There's only eight of us. We can't just go rushing in there and expect to take down a hundred trained killers on our own. This is strictly for gathering information only." I split us into three groups. Tris and I are on our own, Zeke and Lauren lead the other two groups. "Without a map, this is going to be a little more difficult, so if you find anything useful while you're out, grab it. Our best shot at not being detected is to scout from up above. We'll take the North side. Zeke, you take west/southwest, Lauren, east/southeast. That should give us the best vantage points. Everyone have a watch? Good. We'll meet back here after dark. Say, ten." We divide up the weapons and some of our food and head out.

Finding an abandoned building in the city isn't that hard. Finding one that gives you a good vantage point, that's a different story. The Dauntless guards don't seem to stray far from Erudite headquarters. We only encounter three, easily avoiding them by ducking into stoops or hiding behind walls and dumpsters. Tris and I choose a building that is only partially vacant because it gives us the best view. We make our way up the fire escape to the top floor.

"You think we'll be safe here?" Tris asks, as we lock ourselves in an empty room.  
"For now."  
"Tobias, I keep thinking about what Eric said. About controlling me, and how I wouldn't know. And then in Jeanine's video, she said all it takes is a shot. Do you think that's how they'll do it?"  
"Control you? With a shot?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, we sort of already do it, don't we? The serum we use in the landscapes controls the area of your brain that stimulates fear. I don't think it's that far of a stretch to assume they found a way to control other things."  
"Yeah," she says quietly. "I just can't seem to figure out why."

The day was completely uneventful. Not a single person came in or out of Erudite from our view. We rummage through a couple of rooms, finding nothing but junk, before heading back to the safe house. The others are already there.  
"Anything?" I ask.  
"Not a damn thing other than people checking on their family members." Zeke says while Lauren shakes her head.

We tell them about our control idea, and agree to do one more day of scouting before coming up with another plan. "I can head to Amity. Their control room is never guarded. Maybe I can break in and hack my way into Erudite and try to find  _something._ "  
"What if they have an alert system in place? Four, it's too risky," Lauren says.  
"I don't think we have another choice. It's that or try to walk in the front door."

We argue for a few before Tris silences us. "I have an idea."  
I know exactly where she is going with this. "No, Tris."  
"Why not?"  
"It's too dangerous."  
"Yeah, but-"  
"I am not willing to take that risk," I say, forcefully.

She stares at me, and so does everyone else in the room. "Care to let the rest of us in?" Zeke says, cautiously.  
"No."  
"Yes. I'm divergent too," Tris states, and I have to bite my lip and walk away to stop myself from yelling at her. Everything I have done to keep her safe just went out the window.  
"I don't think we should just go sending you in there," Lauren says.  
"Thank you," I say, gesturing towards her in hopes that Tris will realize how foolish her idea is.  
"Until," Lauren adds, "We have exhausted every other option."

 


	25. Chapter 25

We sleep in shifts, divvying up the weapons and the last of our food again before heading out for the day. Tris doesn't say much to me all morning, and I don't try to press the topic, fearing I might send her in the direction I don't want her going. After we have lunch, I simply take her into my arms and hold her, wanting nothing in return but the feeling of her arms wrapped tightly around me. We hold each other and watch, uncertain of anything anymore.

Some time passes when we see an Erudite car approaching. We let go of each other immediately, the excitement of something finally happening taking precedence. It pulls up to the rear entrance, and I find myself holding my breath, waiting to see who emerges. When he steps out, a small strangled sound escapes me; I shouldn't be so surprised, really. I clench my fists, wanting nothing more than to go down there and grab him. Demand that he tells me what he's doing there and why our friends are locked up inside. It's Tris' soft touch that brings me back to the moment.  
"Tobias, let's just watch. We don't know why he's here." I take a deep breath and nod, refusing to take my eyes off the doors until he leaves.

Almost two hours pass before Marcus reemerges, followed by Jeanine Matthews. They exchange a short conversation before Jeanine hands him a tablet. I watch the car until it is out of sight.  
"What do you think's on it?"  
"I don't know." I don't want to say out loud that whatever it is, it can't be good.

The rest of the day remains the same as before. We grab our things and head back to our safe house, eager to share our information.

"Why would Marcus Eaton be at Erudite?" Lauren asks out loud for the third time.  
"Are you sure it wasn't a friendly visit? Maybe trying to find out why everyone's being held?" Roxy asks.  
"No." I look at Tris and she nods, understanding that I would know better than anyone. "I'm going to Amity."  
"Four I-"  
"Tris, I'm going. It's our best chance at finding out anything at this point. Dauntless and Erudite are lost, I don't trust Abnegation, and Candor will be the last to help anyone out right now. It's our only option," I say, a tone of finality in my voice.  
"Then we're going too."  
"Zeke, no. Stay here. We can't all get caught if things go wrong."  
"And do what, Four? Sit around and hope  _you_  don't get caught? That's our family in there. You're out of your mind if you think any of us are going to stand around and do nothing," he says.

The pain in Zeke's eyes is almost too much to bear. Over the years he and Uriah have almost become second nature to me, always there, never afraid to call me on my bullshit. I'm suddenly aware of how I might have taken advantage of that. They opened their home and hearts to me, and I've kept them both at an arms length, never fully letting them in. I drop my head, ashamed how I never realized it before.

"You would do anything for her, wouldn't you?"  
I look up and see Zeke, looking right at Tris. She shifts her gaze from Zeke to me, a small smile on her face. "Yes."  
"Then let us do anything for them."

Even though the Amity will welcome anyone, it's decided that an early morning arrival would seem less threatening, and that we would do this the right way; no breaking and entering. We each get a few hours of sleep. Before leaving we scatter the few things we had collected around the building, hoping to never need them again.

They follow me quietly through the streets just before dawn. We cross into Amity and approach the first small group we see. "Where can we find Johanna?" I ask.  
"She's in the cafeteria with the others," a young girl answers as they continue on to the orchards.  
"Others?" Zeke asks. I shrug as we head towards the Amity cafeteria.

I peer in a window, and my mouth drops at what's inside.  
"What is it?" Zeke asks impatiently.  
"It's full of Dauntless." If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it either. Zeke pushes me out of the way, needing to see it for himself to believe it too.  
"Holy shit. What happened?"  
"There's only one way to find out," Tris says as she heads inside.

We stand by the door together, hoping for a familiar face to jump out at us, and it doesn't take long. "Tris!" Christina comes running, plowing into her at full force. I try my best to stifle my laugh at the look on Tris' face. "Where have you been? We've been worried sick. And you!" she says, letting go of Tris and hitting me in the arm. By this time Will and Al have made their way over to us too. "We figured you two were together. But don't you ever do that to me again, either one of you. What the hell, guys?"  
"I guess we could ask you the same question." I scan the room for Johanna to no avail. "Let's find somewhere to talk."

We head back out to the orchards, far away from any listening ears. "Okay, we give. Why are all of you here? And who the hell is at Dauntless?" I ask, looking at each one of them.  
"Well, nobody," Will says. "When did you two leave?"  
"Right after Jeanine's video," Tris answers. "And then Zeke came along two days ago and told us about everyone who is divergent being held at Erudite."  
"Then you didn't see her second video? Any of you?" We shake our heads.

"Well," Will starts, "The short version is, she said they knew of more confirmed divergents who hadn't turned themselves in. If the rest of us didn't comply in helping locate them, she was going to force us to."  
"Force? How?" I ask.  
He shrugs. "No idea. Those of us left at the compound were ready to put up a fight. We armed ourselves and went on lockdown. Then a third message came over the screen that was still set up in The Pit. It said we needed to disarm ourselves, and if we didn't, there was an explosive placed somewhere inside the compound, and it would be detonated."

"Jeanine? Threatened to blow up Dauntless?" Zeke says in disbelief.  
"That's the thing. We don't know who it was. The person had a covering over their face, and their voice was disguised. Like mechanical; synthesized. We have no idea if it was even a male or a female."  
"How did they know what was happening inside of Dauntless?" Tris asks. I give her a small smirk for asking what I just figured out the answer to.  
"The cameras," I answer. "The ones I monitor in the control room. Whoever it is must have the knowledge to access them from their end."  
"How many people do you think know how to do that?" she asks.  
"I don't know. But if I had to make a guess, I would say whoever it is, is at Erudite. We should find Johanna."

We head back to the cafeteria, Tris quietly telling her friends about her divergence and why we left. When we get there, we find Johanna up front, addressing everyone.  
"There may be more guests to accommodate, so let's make sure there is enough to go around. I want all of you to feel at home here while things get sorted out. Our home is yours." She has such a warm welcoming smile, I almost trade my black clothes in for yellow and red on the spot. I tell the others to wait while Tris, Zeke and Lauren join me.

"Johanna, can we have a word. In private?"  
"And you are?"  
"My name is Four. This is Tris, Zeke and Lauren. We would like to discuss Erudite with you."  
"She takes a quick look around. "Yes. Please follow me." I make a mental note of the direction we are heading as she leads us to her office.

She motions for us to sit; we remain standing. "Very well then, what can I help you with Four?"  
"First, allow me to thank you for housing the displaced Dauntless." She waves her hand in the air nonchalantly, so I continue on. "I was hoping you would allow me access to you computers and security system."  
She raises an eyebrow. "For what purpose?"  
"Well, to see into Erudite. I believe I can hack my way into their system and bring up what their cameras see. Find out exactly what's going on and why and where they're holding our family and friends."  
"And what will you do if you find the information you seek?"  
"Whatever's necessary."  
"Even fight against your fellow Dauntless?"  
"Yes."

She folds her hands in her lap, taking a long look at each one of us. She takes the longest time looking at me, before giving me a small smile. "Okay. But first, allow me some time to get my security up to date. I'll show you to a couple of rooms where you can stay. Go shower and have a hot meal afterwards. I will find you in the cafeteria when things are ready for you." She stands and holds her hands out to each one of us. We shake her hand, thank her for her generosity, and follow her to our rooms.

"I have never wanted a shower more in my life," Tris says as I close the door to our room.  
"You go ahead first."  
She kicks off her boots, leaving a small trail of clothes to the bathroom. I smile and follow behind, picking her things up. "You could always join me," she sings out over the noise of the spray. As much as I would love to forget everything that's happening and consume myself with nothing but her, I have too much on my mind. I pull clean clothes out of our bag for the both of us before plopping down in a chair. I run my hands over my face, unable to get his out of my mind. I don't want to, but I think of the possibility of going to Abnegation, alone, and confronting him.

"Are you okay?" The sincerity in Tris' voice brings me out of my thoughts.  
She's standing there, hair dripping, wrapped in a towel. I get up and make my way to her, taking her face into my hands and pulling her in for a kiss. "I am now." She smiles. I give her another quick kiss on her forehead, grab my clothes and head for the shower.

"So who thought to come to Amity?" I ask while we wait for Johanna.  
"I did." I'm surprised when it's Al's voice I hear. "I was in the library when it happened. The last thing I read about was Amity, and how they'll welcome anyone." He looks away, trying to avoid any questioning eyes. Tris reaches out and places her small hand on his arm.

"Four?" I turn to see Johanna. "Follow me." The others stay while I head to their control room. "Skye says she is familiar with you from the times you have come here to assist us, so she's volunteered to be here to help you with anything you need. I'll be in my office." She excuses herself as I take my place at a computer.

"What is it we're trying to do exactly?" Skye asks.  
"Two things. First is simple. I need to hack into the Dauntless compound, see if anyone is there. Second, we need to hack into Erudite. Find out why and where they're keeping the divergents."  
"Got it. I can try my best help. Where do you want me to start?"  
"Erudite. I left myself a way to get into Dauntless, so that won't take me long." The two of us focus on our respective screens. Within a matter of minutes I'm in, and the compound is exactly as they say. It's eerie to see it so empty. I look at the code on her screen for a moment before starting in on my own.

Hours pass before a breakthrough is made. "Four. I think I might have something." I read the code she's entered and make a few changes. "Sweet," she says as we stare into Erudite's lobby. I turn to my computer and enter the same code. The two of us watch what I assume is business as usual.  
"Well, so far so good. We don't seem to be raising any alarms. See this number here?" I say as I point to a specific line of code on her screen, "It corresponds with a specific camera. If we change it, we should be able to change cameras."  
"Should we go up or down?" she asks.  
"Let's go up."

I type in a new string of numbers, and we're staring into what looks like a lab. The Erudite go about their business like nothing's happening. Looking in microscopes, running papers back and forth between each other. I roll my eyes and continue on.  
"What exactly should I be looking for?" she asks as she types in a new code.  
"Any Dauntless. Jeanine Matthews. The people they're holding hostage." I frown at the word hostage. That could be me. Worse, it could be Tris. We continue exchanging numbers in our code, looking through each camera. Absolutely nothing has looked out of the ordinary for so long that when Skye finally speaks, it startles me.

"Four?" Her voice is shaky. I turn to see her eyes wide. I look at her screen and see a metallic looking room, with two gurneys and a couple of Dauntless guards. We watch as Jeanine enters the frame, followed by a guard dragging a Candor girl in. She is strapped down to one of the tables and hooked up to a machine that looks similar to the ones we use to monitor the fear landscapes. An Erudite boy injects her with a clear liquid and she goes limp for just a moment. There is no sound, but it's not needed. The Candor girl is now screaming out in terror, or pain; possibly both. She thrashes against the restraints for a few minutes while they take notes and look at the monitor, until she goes limp again. Another Erudite comes into view. He and the first one argue before grabbing a small cart. They pull a small metallic stick from it and place it on her chest. It causes her to twitch and contort. They do it again and again until one of them shakes his head. Jeanine throws her hands in the air, yelling at the two of them before motioning to the door. They wheel the Candor girl out as Jeanine talks to the Dauntless guard. He nods and leaves.

"Is she dead?" Skye whispers.  
"I don't know." If I had to guess though, I would say yes. When the Dauntless guard comes back, this time with a boy from Abnegation, I can't sit and watch it happen again. "Go get Johanna. I'll be right back with the people I came with." Skye nods and races out the door as I make my way to the cafeteria.

 


	26. Chapter 26

We come rushing in just in time to watch them place the stick on the Abnegation boy. I turn and focus on Tris, hoping she doesn't know him. After a moment I glance at the monitor just long enough to know he has suffered the same fate the Candor girl did. Skye lets out a small sob.  
"Is he dead?" Christina asks.  
"I don't know," I answer before telling them what we saw with the Candor girl.  
"We need to do something," I hear Johanna's voice crack. "Amity will offer you anything you need. I'm going to call a meeting and prepare a small speech about what we just saw. I think they have the right to know." I nod, and she excuses herself.  
"What are we going to do?" Tris asks softly.  
"First, we're going back to Dauntless and grab every single weapon left. Then we go to Erudite."

I've been avoiding it, but I bring myself to look at Zeke. He has tears in his eyes, but his face is hard. Lauren reaches out and takes his hand, shaking him out of the horrible thoughts that are running through his mind. His eyes find mine, and their uncanny likeness to my fathers when he was angry terrifies me. His words are slow and soft, as if speaking only to himself. "When I find her, I'm going to kill her."

* * *

We gather in the cafeteria as Johanna takes her place up front. She waits patiently for the Dauntless to settle down. "I ask that all of you remain calm and quiet until I am finished speaking. Now, our friends here from Dauntless have made a discovery in Erudite. There is no easy way to say this, but it seems as though Jeanine Matthews is running experiments on those that are divergent, with no intention of releasing them. I witnessed one of these first hand, and the outcome, while we are not sure of it, did not look good. I do not know if your loved ones are safe or not." A woman on the other side of the room sobs so loudly, I can almost feel her pain. "We must be strong and trust that good will prevail in this matter. With that being said, I would like to turn the floor over to Four, and ask that you listen to what he has to say with the same respect you have shown me."

I stand still for a moment before Zeke nudges me. I walk to the stage wishing she would have told me I was going to have to speak in front of everyone. "Hello. My name is Four. Like Johanna said, this is all the information we have. At this point, the plan is to head back to Dauntless, gather weapons, and come back here. We will continue to monitor the events that are happening in Erudite, and hopefully we can pinpoint exactly where the divergents are being held." My eyes drift to the sobbing woman. Hurt and anger rise up at the sight of people having to comfort her because someone she loves could possibly be dead. "No matter what, we are going to rescue them," I say directly to her. "There are approximately fifty Dauntless here, and one hundred there. If anyone else would like to volunteer to go, that would greatly increase our chances of succeeding. When we come back with the weapons I will have Johanna call another meeting, and those of you who want to help, we will give you a crash course on how to shoot a gun. Together, we can do this. We can save them."

The crowd immediately erupts into loud chatter. "Johanna, do you have a two-way radio?" She nods. "Good. We're going to need it." I make my way back to Tris, and motion for her and our little gang to come outside. "Okay. I'm going to have stay here and monitor the cameras with Skye. Johanna has a radio that we can communicate with. Once you guys are just outside the compound, I'm going to take down the camera system. The way I'm going to do it though will make it look like we had a small power outage, so you're going to have to be quick. In and out in under fifteen minutes. That way I can bring it back up without sending up too many flags. Zeke, Lauren? You guys run this. Take whoever you want and grab everything, but touch nothing else. I don't want them to have any idea we were ever there, got it?" They nod. "Good. Let's get going."

They head back inside and I hear Zeke call out for volunteers. "I'm going."  
I sigh. "I know you are, Tris. Please be careful."  
"I will." She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. "Come on, lets get the radio and get this going."

The group of twelve, Johanna and I gather near the entrance to Amity at sundown. It was decided that night would provide the best cover. I make a mental note that Al isn't present. "Don't forget ammo," I say as I jokingly punch Zeke. I go over how to use the radio one more time before handing it to Tris. She kisses me quickly on the lips before turning and heading out. They follow her silently, and I smile at how just like that, she's taking the lead. Zeke turns and gives me one last look and a thumbs up.

Johanna and I head back to the cafeteria. "Do you really think this is going to work?" she asks, a slight tone to her voice.  
"It has to," I answer curtly. We walk in silence the rest of the way.

"Four!" I look for the source of my name as we walk through the door. A tiny girl with a shaved head and tattoos thrusts herself into my arms. I stand there awkwardly for a moment before sort of returning her hug. She let's go and promptly punches me.  
"First you hug me, then you hit me Lynn?" I say, trying to contain my smile.  
"Yeah. That's so you don't tell anyone I just did that."  
"Why didn't I see you before?"  
"Oh. I've been in with the handful of medics they have here. Learning what I can from them, teaching them some tricks I know. And now that this whole rescue mission thing is happening, it's a good thing. They don't have many, and most of ours from Dauntless are playing with the other team. I know you need every hand you can get to go with you, but I was wondering if it would be okay if a couple of Dauntless stayed behind with me. The girl who I've been learning from, she's recruiting from Amity too. Hang on. "Violet!" she yells out, waving her hand. A small girl with light blonde curls and freckles makes her way to us. "Four, this is Violet."  
"Hello," She says, bashfully. I smile and nod at her.  
"Anyways, like I was saying. We might need a few people here on hand, since we don't exactly know what we're up against. We could train them in some basics, you know, just in case."  
"Yeah, okay," I say, since she's mostly right. "But only a couple."  
"Yeah. I got it. Thanks!" She says before grabbing Violet's hand and dragging her back into the crowd.

"Anything?" I ask Skye when I make it back into the control room.  
"No. Nothing past the two we saw. They came in and printed something off of the computer in there and pulled what looked like a small tablet out of the computer casing."  
"About this size?" I hold my hands out and form a rectangle.  
"Yeah. You know what it is?"  
"No, but I'm going to find out. Write that code down for this camera and start going through more. The Erudite seem to have them everywhere. There's bound to be one where they're holding everyone."  
She nods and I turn to my computer, bringing up the Dauntless control panel and a camera, readying everything for the power outage.

* * *

I've been watching her screen for some time, trying to get a sense of the layout of Erudite, when the radio beeps. "Four, are you there?" Tris whispers through.  
"I'm here," I say back quietly.  
"Just making sure you're ready for us. We're almost there."  
"Yeah. Everything's good on my end."  
"Okay. Talk to you in a few." I go back to Skye's screen to distract myself from my nerves.

It feels like hours pass before the radio beeps again. "Okay, we're across from the street level entrance, just out of view of the cameras."  
"I'll let you know when the cameras go out," I say. I verify the code once more and press enter. The screen scrolls fast as it runs. Within thirty seconds the camera I had open in another window goes black. "You're good. No more than fifteen minutes."  
"Go!" She yells out to the others. "See you soon," she says before taking her finger off the button. Now all I can do is sit and wait.

"How long has it been?" Skye asks, breaking the silence.  
"Eleven minutes."  
"It feels a lot longer than that."  
I nod as I watch the code. So far it's running properly with no sign of detection. "Twelve minutes, Tris. If you're not on your way out, you need to be." I say over the radio.  
"On our way out now."

I breathe a small sigh of relief that we're half way there with no signs of trouble. My heart skips a beat when the camera comes back on. Nothing. "Cameras are back on guys. Please tell me you're out of there." My heart beats faster when there's no immediate answer. "Tris," I say, making sure my finger is on the button. "Tris, are you there?"

I'm about to have a full on panic attack when the radio beeps. "We're here," she says, sounding out of breath. "We had to run. We heard a car. We're up in the building we were in before."  
"A car?"  
"Yeah. Someone must have been sent to check on the compound. We're going to watch for a few before heading back. I'll let you know when we leave."  
"Okay." I let out a long sigh, trying to get my heart rate under control.  
"I can tell you love her a lot," Skye says after a minute. I look at her and she smiles. I give her a small nod before changing the code on my screen to resume our search for the others.  
Roughly five minutes pass until I hear her voice again. "Four, we're leaving."  
"Okay. Be careful."  
"We will."

* * *

"They should be back any minute. If you don't mind I'm going to head out and meet them."  
"Yeah, go," she says, waving her hand.  
"Hey, is there anyone else that would know how to monitor this like we do?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Well you and I need to sleep sometime."  
"I'll ask him," she says, getting up.  
"Thanks."

I make my way out to where they departed from and wait. After a few minutes and two scans, I notice their flashlights a little farther East and make my way to them.  
"Everyone okay?" I yell when I get within earshot.  
"I'm fine Four, thanks for asking," Zeke yells back.

I head in their direction, quickening my pace when Tris comes into view. A brief glance tells me they each have two large bags. I wasn't even aware Dauntless had that much in the way of weapons. "Hey," I say as I plant a kiss on her forehead and take one of the bags out of her hand.  
"Hey yourself. I can carry that."  
"I know. So this is everything?"  
"Not a single bullet is left," Zeke says, grinning.  
"Good. Let's hurry back and get this started."

 


	27. Chapter 27

Roughly thirty Amity volunteered to go to Erudite. We have not finalized anything yet, but there's no sense in wasting valuable time. Skye is monitoring Erudite with Jon, the guy she trusts, allowing Tris, Christina, Will, Zeke, Lauren and myself time to train. We pair up and divide them in groups. Tris and I show them how to hold, aim and fire a gun. Zeke and Lauren hand to hand combat. Christina and Will how to hold and throw knives. We use hay bales as makeshift targets. While they're no Dauntless, they do learn quickly. We complete our lessons and have a late lunch.

"We need a plan, now," I say to our small little group. "I think we should go tomorrow night. Or very early morning when there's the least amount of people around. Give the new guys one more day of training, and give Skye one more day to find out anything."  
"But we don't even know where they're being held," Lauren chimes in.  
"I know. We're just going to have to risk it." They nod, but Tris just looks at me with her big gray eyes.

After a brief consultation with Johanna, it is decided that we will leave at 3 the following morning, and with the trucks she will be providing, we can be there as early as 3:30. We resume training until 9 that night, which is the point when all of us are too exhausted to continue on. After a quick meal, the thirty trainees and us head our separate ways. Tris falls face down on the bed before I can even shut the door.  
"I'm going to take a shower." A muffled "Mmmhmm," is all I get in return.

I wash my hair and body quickly, with the intentions of getting into bed and crashing with Tris, but the hot water on my body feels too good. So instead I stand there and take a moment for myself, closing my eyes and allowing the warmth to envelope me. The moments over quickly when my thoughts turn to Uriah. Now's not the time to be selfish, but I don't know what I'm going to do if he's dead. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to control Zeke. I never paid much attention to the religious aspect of Abnegation, but in this moment, I silently pray that he is okay, and that we really can save them all.

"You okay?"  
"I am. Just doing a little thinking," I say to her head that's peeking around the curtain.  
"Can I think with you?"  
I smile. She waits patiently until I nod and then quickly hops in. "You were already undressed? What if I said no?"  
She simply kisses me on the cheek before slowly taking over the shower.

I'm not going to complain though. I watch her lean her head back into the spray and wet her hair. She lathers up with shampoo, and I never imagined this thought running through my mind, but I am insanely jealous of a bubble right now. I watch as it slowly makes its way down her chest, hugging her left breast, before continuing it's way down and popping just below her belly button. My eyes are immediately drawn up, thanks to that intensity of hers. She gives me a soft smile and holds out the soap to me.

She pulls her hair to one side and turns her back to me. I run the bar over her shoulders with one hand, following over the soap trail with the other. I make my way down her back, smirking to myself as I crouch and run the bar over each butt cheek and down each leg. She turns to face me and I begin my journey back up, over each knee, each hip, each breast. She stands still, looking into my eyes.  
"What?" I ask her softly.  
"I just don't know how I got so lucky."  
I smile. "I'm the lucky one."

She crashes into my lips so hard, I almost lose my balance. We laugh and I take her into my arms, this time kissing her gently so we don't fall over. She runs her hands down my back and rests them on my butt, causing me to smile against her mouth. I always knew of love. I know my mother loved me, and in some weird and twisted way, it's possible my father loved me once too. But I never truly felt it, experienced it, until Tris. I look into her eyes and I know, beyond all doubt, that she is the love of my life, and that I could never feel this way about anyone else.  
She smiles. "Give me a minute?" I nod and get out.

Sitting on the bed in nothing but a towel, I smile to myself in the semi-darkness. I'm not even sure if she realizes just how much she means to me. I really am the lucky one. The shower turns off; I get up and gather our pajamas. I don't hear her, so she startles me when she places a hand on my back.  
"Practicing your stealth moves?" I joke.  
"Only around you."  
I hold her clothes out, but she doesn't take them. When I look at her, she's standing there in her towel too, biting her lip. The sight alone makes my heart race.

"Hi."  
"Hey," I say, sounding out of breath already. She takes my hand and leads me to the bed, pulling me down on top of her as she lays down. I place my forehead on hers but she quickly takes my face in her hands, and peppers it with kisses. "What's all this for?"  
"Oh, nothing," she sings as she moves her hands into my hair. I close my eyes, enjoying the tingle that's radiating out from her touch. She trails her fingers slowly down my back before finding her way to my towel. She tugs gently, but it holds tight. I smile and stand, keeping my towel on even though I'm certain she's thinking otherwise. I respect her too much to just assume, so I wait until she sits up and removes it for me.

She's looking up at me with those big storm gray eyes, and I almost lose it right here. How can one person make me feel like I can leap off the tallest building and survive, while simultaneously make me want to cry out with joy and lose myself forever in those beautiful eyes? I reach out and touch her face. She closes her eyes and leans into my hand, and removes her own towel. I've seen her in various states of undress before, but there's something different this time; her confidence in herself has grown so much and it shows. Her curves and angles glisten in the pale light from the bathroom. Her chest heaves as she reaches her hand out to mine and pulls me down once more. It's hard to think of anything else with her bare body against mine.  
"I love you, Tris."  
"I love you too," she says, nodding and pulling my lips to hers.

I move up sightly, positioning myself at her entrance, and when she whispers my name against my mouth, I gently push myself into her. The combination of how warm and wet she is, coupled with her soft, pleasurable sigh nearly sends me over the edge right then. But I take a deep breath, determined to listen to her body this time. She wraps her legs around me for a minute as I move before putting them back down again. "Tell me," I whisper as I kiss her neck.  
"Up," She says against mine, her breath causing a shiver to run through me.

I sit up on my knees and grab her hips, pulling her close. The quiet hum she lets out tells me this is what she asked for. I move slowly at first, watching her delicately writhe around me; hands caressing her own body, running her fingers through her own hair, balling the sheet in her fists before finally finding my arms. She grips hard, digging her fingers in, and pulls me in further. I curse quietly, loving how she takes control, and isn't afraid of this anymore; how she won't deny herself what she craves. It turns me on even more, causing me to increase my pace.

She bites her lower lip, stifling a moan, and it is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. She lets it go in one large breath, and while she's not particularly loud, I'm worried for a second that people will hear. She shudders ever so slightly, a smile spreading across her face as I feel her tighten around me. Her satisfaction does me in, and I grip her hips tightly as I come.

"That sort of defeated the purpose of the shower, didn't it?" I say as I lay down next to her, trying to catch my breath.  
She laughs and rolls towards me. I roll towards her too, placing my hand on the small of her back, and smile at the small amount of sweat that's accumulated there.  
"What?"  
I kiss her forehead. "Nothing. Just glad things went better this time around. It did, right?" I say, realizing I might have been a little to quick to assume the best.  
"It did," she says, yawning afterwards.

She heads to the bathroom quickly as I put on my sweats. She pulls on one of my shirts when she comes out and climbs in bed with me, snuggling up in the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around her, and wish, like always, that I never have to let go. I run my fingers through her hair and feel her immediately relax, her breathing already slow and heavy.  
"Tris," I whisper. She gives me a very faint "hmmm, _"_  even though I'm sure she's already drifted off to sleep. "Marry me." She doesn't respond. I kiss her softly and close my eyes.

* * *

"Four!" I wake with a start at the pounding on my door. "Four! Wake up! We found them!"  
"Coming!" I yell. Tris and I scramble over each other to find clothes and race down the hallway.  
"He did it. Jon found them," Skye says out of breath. Johanna, Tris and I stare at the screen. It's a large, long room filled with nothing but beds and people. Some of them are awake, and I search frantically for Uriah.  
"Johanna. Do you have any recent transfers from Erudite?"  
"Yes."  
"Can you get them please? And Tris-"  
"Going," she says as she races out the door.

She returns out of breath, Zeke, Will and Christina right behind her. Zeke pushes his way through and sits in front of the monitor, searching for any sign of Uriah. Johanna comes back and introduces us to Graham and Ingrid.  
"Can any of you tell me where this room is?"  
"I've never seen it before," Will answers.  
"Me either. Which means it has to be on one of the higher levels," Ingrid adds.  
"Higher levels?" Christina asks.  
"Yeah. Only high ranking personnel were allowed access above the 10th floor."  
"Do you think you could draw us a floor plan of what you do know?" I ask. They nod.  
"My office. You can work in peace," Johanna says, ushering them out and down the hall.

"Is it okay if I stay here today?" Zeke asks.  
"We still need to train." I know it seems cruel, but it's not going to do him any good staring at this screen all day. "And set up a plan."  
He nods slowly and gets up, leaving without saying another word. I describe Uriah to Skye, instructing her to come get us immediately if she sees anyone she might think is him. "Tris." She doesn't acknowledge me. "Hey, Tris." I look over and see her eyes fixed on the other screen, a hand on Jon's shoulder. Confused, I walk over and look at what she sees.

"It's just before 6. Why are there so many of them running around already?" she asks quietly.  
We're looking in a lab. At least ten Erudite are frantically working. Machines spinning vials. Mixing liquid from one beaker into another. Looking in microscopes and scribbling things down. I look at the notes we have taken and type in a string of code. The Lobby is empty. The other codes tell me the cafeteria, the dorm halls, the library and every other lab is empty as well.

"This is it, isn't it?" Tris asks. I nod, turning my attention back to the large room. I have a feeling it won't be long until one of them is strapped to a gurney again. Tris gasps, and at first I think she's seen Uriah. But when I see no movement, I look back at the other screen. Jon has brought the lab up again. Nine Erudite have formed a circle around number ten, congratulating him as he holds up a vial. "Why?" she cries out, turning to me and burying her face in my chest. I stroke her hair and try my best to comfort her. I never cared much for Caleb, and as I look at the smug look of accomplishment on his face, I silently hope, for his sake, he and I are never left in a room alone together.

 


	28. Chapter 28

We train until lunch. The Amity continue to practice on their own afterwards while we formulate a plan. I lay out the floorplan of Erudite Will, Graham and Ingrid made over a map of the city.

"The top three floors are restricted. That's where we should focus all of our attention. It's common knowledge that Jeanine's office is on the top floor. Based on what we've seen, she must have private labs and it's most logically where everyone is being held," Will starts.  
"It's also known that she has Dauntless up there guarding. And based on what we have seen, approximately fifty are outside the compound, leaving the other fifty unaccounted for. At night these ones will sleep, most likely on the dorm levels, leaving the others we haven't seen to patrol. We need to find a way to get in and get past the dorm level, undetected, and get to the top," I say, studying the layout of Erudite.  
"As far as I know, there is no 'secret entrance' like there is at Dauntless," Will says, making finger quotes. "So it's the front door or the back." The table chatter starts with everyone tossing in their two cents about which way is the best way.

"It doesn't have to be." The table goes silent and gives their attention to Tris. "We just need to avoid the guards on the lower levels to gain control of the building. Why not start from the top? There has to be roof access, right?"  
"There's a fire escape on the west side," Ingrid says. Will and Graham nod. "It was partially disassembled for renovation months ago and never put back together. You can still use it if you're careful."  
I pull the city map closer. "This building. It's taller and almost completely abandoned. If a few of us can gain access to Erudite's roof, the rest can make their way over from here, hopefully undetected."  
I look to each person and they nod in agreement.  
"Well, that settles it then." I delegate responsibilities, assign groups and come up with times, escape routes and meeting places. At dinner we inform everyone who is going what their responsibilities will be, finalizing the plan. Everyone is sent to bed early, hopefully getting a good nights sleep. As Tris and I walk to our room, we find Al waiting in front of our door.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm staying with Lynn, and that I'm not a coward. I might have been researching Amity that day in Dauntless, but I was doing other things as well."  
"Nobody said you were, Al," Tris says softly.  
"They might not say it out loud, but their thoughts are clear as day." He gives me a quick look before heading to his own room.

"He'll be fine," I say as we crawl into bed. "Give him time to find his way." She nods and gives me a kiss on the cheek. We toss and turn for a while before finally getting some rest.

* * *

We gather in the cafeteria at 2:30 and run over the plans once more before getting into the food delivery trucks. Johanna wishes us luck and watches as we drive away. The ride seems a lot longer than it actually is; the silence is not helping at all. We park at the agreed upon area and continue on foot until we reach the intersection where we split off.  
"Ten minutes," I say to Lauren. She nods and leads her team away.

The rest of us circle around to the West side, and wait. I kiss Tris on the head and hand out the gloves that the Amity lent us before she leads Christina and her small team of ten to the roof of the building we chose. Will, Zeke, Myself and Phoenix are going to make our way up the fire escape to the roof of Erudite, while Lauren takes the remainder of our people and separates them into two teams. The first group is the distraction, setting off gunfire to draw the guards outside away. The second will make their way into the Erudite lobby, pulling everyone else's attention down and hopefully out while we enter from above. After one hour they are to retreat, and if we aren't out, we're on our own.

The gunfire starts on time, and I watch the eight guards in my sight take off running. The four of us make a run for it and hoist Zeke up to the lowest platform. He ties a rope and lowers it so the rest of us can make our way up. We have to do this three more times, the disassembled pieces feeling more strategic the further up we go.

"Remind me to never do that again," Zeke says when we reach the top.  
"Noted," I say as I try my best to ignore where I am. I flash my light three times at the building. Tris flashes hers back as we ready for the rope. The brick it's tied to sails down at us with ease, and we secure it to a pipe. I flash three more times as the gunfire continues a few blocks away and watch them come down one by one. Tris is the last one down, and we cut the rope, knowing we won't be able to use it to escape. I make my way to the south side of the building and flash to the group that's waiting there. They flash back, and I load us up with extra weapons and ammo as they storm the front door.

Surprisingly, the roof access door is unlocked, and we enter with ease. We separate into our three groups, one for each floor. I peer out the stairwell door. The coast is clear, and I nod to Tris. She makes her way in slowly with Christina and four other Dauntless. As much as Zeke wanted Jeanine's floor, I couldn't let him loose up here. We continue our way down one floor. The coast is clear. Zeke, Will and three others take this one. I lead the remaining four onto the last floor. It's set up much like the Dauntless dorms; a long hallway with doors all along both sides. Uriah wasn't spotted by Skye or Jon, and the thought that he's possibly dead, along with the Amity girl and Abnegation boy, threaten to make me run away from the truth and never look back. We split up and search quickly, room by room. The first door I look in is familiar, and I realize that I saw it on the monitors at Amity. Perhaps more than one of them. My hopes for success are deflating at the realization that we never saw anyone in them.

The fifth door I check is locked, which strikes me as odd. There's a very small window at the top of the door. I stand on my tip-toes and peer in. A pale white light glows on a woman curled up on a small cot bed. The blue waves I spy on her forearm make my heart race. I rap gently on the window. She raises her head but doesn't look at me. I knock again, this time getting her attention. She stands this time and slowly walks to the door, almost as if she's unsure if it's real or not. I nod and motion her forward. "Alarm?" I ask quietly. The doors here all have an electronic keypad, and I am unsure if opening the door will set them off. She shakes her head and I give her a thumbs up.

"Tori," I call out to the group I'm with. Phoenix comes over. I'm guessing he's spent a fair amount of time with her, as tattooed as he is.  
"Locked?" he asks.  
"Yeah."  
"I just found another one too."  
"Me too," a woman named Sun says.  
"I'm guessing each one has someone in it. We need something heavy to break the locks," I say, thinking out loud.  
"Will this work?" she says, holding up a fire extinguisher.

Phoenix is definitely the largest out of our group, so he gets the duty of smashing them. The first try is unsuccessful, and I worry that the sound will alert the Erudite of our presence. The second time he aims hard and straight, and the keypad falls to the floor. I push the door open and reach in, taking Tori's hand. "We're getting you out of here," I say, reassuringly. She snaps out of her haze, possibly realizing this really is happening.  
"I need a gun."  
"I have a knife."  
"Good enough."

Each locked door reveals another person who is just as dazed and confused as Tori. Phoenix knocks the keypad off the last door, and I have to stop myself from yelling out for Zeke. I place my hands on Uriah's shoulders and stare at him for a moment. His eyes are glassed over, and he seems to be worse off than the others, but when he manages out a very quiet "Zeke," I know he's okay.  
"He's here. Come on. I'll take you to him."

The fact that we heaven't alerted anyone of our presence doesn't escape me, and I try to take it as a blessing and not a curse. I check my watch. Thirty-five minutes. The five of us, plus the twelve people we rescued make our way into the stairwell.  
"Wait here while I check in on the others" They nod as I make my way to the floor above. I open the door slowly and hear Will. "How would I know what the code is?"  
"Because you were Erudite!" Zeke responds.  
"Hey," I say quietly, but that doesn't stop them both from reeling around and aiming their guns at me. "Jesus. Calm down. I got this covered. Phoenix!" I yell as quietly as I can.  
"Yeah?"  
"Extinguisher." I grab Zeke and drag him into the stairwell. "There's a surprise waiting for you down there." His eyes open wide and he takes off.

Phoenix breaks the keypads on seventeen doors on this floor. I don't miss the fact that the Amity girl and the Abnegation boy aren't among those that were rescued. And since we didn't find the large holding room, I can only assume that it is on the top floor.

We gather together at the top of the stairwell. I smile at Zeke and Uriah, who both have tears in their eyes. "Will and Phoenix, you come with me. I think the rest of you should wait here. Get them ready," I say to Zeke as we slip through the door.

This floor is different. Right away I see the lab where the experiments were being done. It's cold and sterile, and I try not to think about what was done here. We silently make our way down the hall. I hear hushed whispers, and whistle quietly to alert them to our presence.  
"Hey," Tris says as she looks around the corner. "Nothing except these doors, which are all locked, except for that one. It's her private quarters. She's not there. Did you find anything?"  
"Yes. Uriah. And Tori." She smiles and gives me a hug. "Well, I'm guessing one of them is Jeanine's office. And since we didn't find the holding room, one might be that as well. Phoenix?"  
"On it," He breaks the keypads one by one.

The first door we open is a large room, but it is empty. I panic that this was the holding room and we're too late.  
"Guys! Here!" Christina squeals. The second door reveals the same large room, only full of the people we saw back at Amity.  
"You guys take this, get them organized and ready. We'll check the last door." I check my watch again. "Twenty minutes."

I open the door that can only lead to Jeanine's office slowly with Tris right behind me. At first glance, it's empty. There are a handful of papers scattered on her desk, as well as a computer. I round the desk and stop short.  
"Tris," I say, motioning for her to come over. She gasps. Jeanine is lying there in a pool of blood. I put my gun in the back of my waistband and check her pulse. "She's dead." With three gunshot wounds, I wasn't expecting anything else.  
"Who do you think did it?"  
"Not sure, but I think it's about time we leave." I gather the papers lying around and hand them to Tris. She folds them in half and places them inside of her zipped coat.

We arm as many people as we can with the the handful of extra guns and knives we brought and head down the stairwell. We arrange ourselves so that the most capable are in the front, clearing the way for the others. I can hear faint gunfire once we reach the ground floor, but it does not sound like it's coming from inside. I crack the door as quietly as I can and peer out.

There are approximately twelve Dauntless forming a human wall in front of the entrance to Erudite. Aside from their demeanor, a quick glance tells me they are not one of us. Before we left we took as many red Amity shirts as we could, and tore them into strips, tying an identifying marker on each one of our arms.  
"Twelve," I whisper to Tris. She nods and motions for everyone to stay silent and wait. Ten of us creep out, and form a wall of our own.  
"Guns down!" I yell out. They spin in unison and aim their weapons. "Guns down and nobody gets hurt!"

The first shot rings out and I drop, grabbing Tris as I go. We fire back, taking them down in no time. A part of me feels guilty for killing them, another rationalizes it because they made their choice. "Everybody okay?" Tris yells out.  
"I was grazed, but I'm fine," Christina answers as Will inspects her arm. The gunfire outside is still distant, and a quick look outside tells me Lauren and the others have done their job. I check my watch. Five minutes.

"Now! Quickly!" I yell out. As everyone makes their way out of the stairwell, I turn to Tris. "You lead them home. Will, Chris, you too. You guys need to stay together."  
"What about you?"  
"I'm going to head up the rear, in case anyone follows."  
"Four, no."  
"Tris, yes. I'll see you soon." I kiss her forehead and shove her out the door. She hesitates for only a second before motioning for them to follow her. I hold back Phoenix, Sun and couple other Dauntless to cover with me.

They're still filing out when I realize the gunfire has ceased. I check my watch and see we're five minutes over. I wait for the last of them to straggle out and follow behind cautiously. It's a good ten blocks to the trucks, and at this pace, we'll never make it. I try my best to not be upset. I have no idea what these people have been through, and most of them are still in a daze. I motion for the others to wait while I jog up ahead and and pull back a few more Dauntless.

"They're moving too slow. We may have to create another distraction," I say.  
"What do you recommend?" Phoenix asks.  
"I don't know. For now, let's split up. You five go a block back, and you three go a block forward. They're coming from the East so we're going to have to head them off if necessary."

I take Phoenix, Sun and someone named Jacob who I've never met with me and head over on the road we're on. We cautiously head down a few blocks, keeping a lookout for anything that might threaten this mission. A few minutes later a loud siren screeches through the air, followed by gunshots ringing out from the direction of Erudite. The four of us take cover behind a dumpster and wait.

The five I sent back towards Erudite suddenly round the corner, running at full speed. "Run!" They yell, and we don't hesitate.

The noise that follows shortly after is something I have never heard before. A loud whooshing comes from behind us as something large flies overhead, hitting the building directly to our right. It explodes; smoke and debris rain down on us as we try to navigate our way through. A second whoosh follows almost immediately, this time hitting the building on our left. A loud wail breaks through the chaos. Sun is lying directly in front of me now, and she's covered in blood.  
"Leave me!" she cries out through gritted teeth.  
"No!" I say, pulling her up and trying to at least find a place where she will be protected.

Rapidly firing gunshots pierce the air now, and it takes me a moment to realize I'm dragging a dead body. I drop her and run as fast as I can. At first I think the pain I feel is because I'm pushing myself to my absolute limit; my muscles rejecting the amount of pressure they're being put under. But the pain spreads, and I realize I'm having a hard time breathing, and my leg feels wet and sticky. When it collapses out from underneath me, I look, reaching down to make sure it's real. My ears are ringing so loudly now, I can't hear anything else, and as my vision narrows, the last thing I see is the bright red liquid spread across my hand.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Tris**

I don't like being separated from Tobias, but he didn't give me much of a choice. "We have to go faster," I say loudly to the group immediately in my vicinity. The quicker we can get out of here, the better.

When we finally round the last corner and see the trucks, I let out a small sigh of relief. Lauren is waiting for us, the last of her team climbing into the trucks.  
"Everything go as planned?" I ask her.  
"Yeah. A handful of people got shot, and one guy managed to cut off the tip of his finger, but nothing critical. Where's Four?"  
"Bringing up the rear."  
She nods her head as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Will, Chris and I usher our portion of people into the trucks as fast as possible. I give Uriah a hug before he climbs in, and I give Zeke a pass when he gets in after him. An odd noise echos through the buildings, and I strain to listen if I can hear it again.  
"Shhh!" I hiss out to the people around me. I hear it again, and Will's face looks like I feel. My heart races when I recognize what is now the distinct sound of gunfire.

"Four!" I yell out as I turn to run. Will catches my arm briefly, but I shrug him off and go as fast as I can. A dark blur moves in front of me. I tumble to the ground, and as I scramble to get up again, a firm pair of hands grips my arms.  
"Let go!" I scream.  
"Tris, stop!" Tori shouts, mere inches from my face. "You running after him is only going to get you both killed."  
I try to lash out at her, but by now Will and Lauren are dragging me back to the trucks. "We can't just leave him!"  
"We won't. We'll wait, but only for a little bit. Tori's right though. You can't go back. He'll make it. He'll make it," Christina says, taking me in her arms and stroking my hair.

The first five trucks are already full, and Will gives them the okay to head back to Amity. We climb into the last one and wait. Christina holds my hand, trying her best to sooth me. I should be thankful, but truthfully, I want to punch her in the face and take off. I try so hard to remain seated and calm, but when a few figures finally run into view, I jerk my hand out of hers and shoot out of the truck as fast as I can.

"Where's Four?" I ask when I don't see him. "Where is he?" I scream when nobody answers.  
"Caught maybe. Dead. I'm not sure." Even though he is easily twice my size, I lash out. I hit and kick and scream, until I can no longer hold myself up. Phoenix doesn't fight back. He simply bends down and picks me up, carrying me like a small child to the truck. "We need to go," he says softly, and I nod. Will taps on the small window that allows the driver to see into the bed of the truck and gives a thumbs up. The engine starts and we lurch forward. I hang out the back of the truck as we drive away, hoping to see him come running out of the shadows. When we round the corner, our meeting place out of sight, I drop to the floor and cry.

Nobody talks the whole ride back. It's only when we cross into Amity that Christina puts a hand on my shoulder. I reach up and place my hand over hers.  
"I'm going back," I say, breaking the long silence.  
"I know. But we need to regroup first," she says softly. Lauren looks at me, and I notice she has been crying too.

"What do you mean he didn't make it back?" Zeke says quieter than I've ever heard him before.  
"We took off running together," Phoenix answers. "There was an explosion, and I couldn't see anything at that point, so I just kept going." He hangs his head, and I feel guilty for lashing out at him like I did. A scream and a sob come from the other side of the cafeteria. I look over and see Marlene come running. She and Uriah hold each other tight. Anger and jealousy and love and pain all rush through me at the sight of people being reunited with the ones they love. I don't know if I want to cry or vomit.  
"I'm going back," I state calmly. "And not just to get him. I'm going back to Dauntless."

I leave the cafeteria immediately; its four walls suddenly making me feel claustrophobic. The cool Autumn air helps, but I want to be away from everyone and everything, so I run. My breaths are heavy, and my thoughts are dark. They tell me to run back to Abnegation. Back to my parents and ask them why this happened. Ask them if they knew their son was a traitorous bastard. Back two and half years ago and save Tobias from his abusive father. Save him from loving me. Save him from staying because of me. Save him from his death.

I collapse when my body cannot take anymore, and curl into a ball. The grass is tall and soft, and it invites sleep easily.

My dreams are nightmares; every one filled with Tobias' face. So happy and so loving, and the next instant he is running away from me, dying in the most horrible ways imaginable. A scream wakes me, and it takes a moment to register it is my own. The sun is bright in the sky. I have no idea how long I've been here, but I don't move. I just lie in the grass and sob. When I finally run out of tears, I stand and take my time heading back to the cafeteria.

"There you are," Christina says softly when I sit down next to her. "I was worried about you."  
"I'm fine. We need to make plans to move everyone back to Dauntless."  
"Tris, it's okay. We don't have to go right away, or at all. I mean, there is a bomb there."  
"Fuck the bomb," I say, standing. I can't do this right now. I don't want to be coddled like a little child. I take off down the hallway and head to our room, slamming the door behind me.

I'm not sure this was a better idea. Our things are strewn about, so I pick them up, placing them neatly in our bag. I grab the shirt Tobias was wearing when we got here, and hold it to my face. His smell is infused in every fiber. I sigh and take everything out again, finding clean clothes for myself. I unzip my jacket, and the papers he handed me in Jeanine's office fall to the ground. In the chaos of everything that happened, I had completely forgotten they were in there. I place them neatly on the bed and take a shower.

I read through them after getting dressed. Most of them mean nothing; just regular notes someone would write to themselves, some of them making no sense at all. The last one though is a list of known divergents. I read through, and sure enough, Eaton, Tobias and Prior, Beatrice are on there. I silently wonder how she knew. I guess I'll never know. I pack them away with the rest of our things and head back to the cafeteria.

"Can I have your attention please?" I shout out above the noise in the cafeteria. In true Dauntless fashion, it takes them forever to shut up. "I think whoever made the bomb threat was bluffing, and I'm going back to the compound. I'm not going to stand by and let an unknown face kick me out of my home." They cheer and whoop. "Right. I'm also going to go back and recover the bodies of those who died in the rescue. Anyone who wishes to go, get ready. I'm leaving soon. Those of you that wish to stay, I'll talk to Johanna. I'm sure she would be more than willing to accommodate you." I step down from the small stage and head to Johanna's office.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Tris," she says, placing a soothing hand on my arm. "And you have my word that any Dauntless that wish to remain for the time being can do so."  
"Thank you. For everything," I say with a sad smile. The handful of Amity and Dauntless medics patched up everyone who was injured, and Johanna has started contacting the different Faction leaders, letting them know that their loved ones were rescued and arranging for transport to send them home. She is also working closely with Jack Kang, the leader of Candor, trying to put together a council to hold court for those that orchestrated and participated in everything. I know Jeanine is dead, but Max, Eric and possibly Marcus are still out there. I excuse myself, and run into Al when I leave.

"I'm sorry, Tris. Four was a good guy."  
"Thanks." I know I will be facing this a lot, and that people are just trying to make me feel better, but I don't. "Are you staying or going?"  
"Umm," he says, nervously, "I think I'm going to stay."  
"Fine. Goodbye Al." I walk away without giving him a chance to say anything back.

Johanna loans us two trucks, and we pile in. Phoenix is driving one, so I hop in the cab with him, partially to avoid everyone else, and partially because I know he won't try to make me feel better. We're almost home when he finally speaks.

"We don't have a leader."  
"Yes we do. Max and Eric are still alive."  
"No, those bastards are dead to me and every other Dauntless in this truck. When we get back, we should elect new ones."  
He has a point. "Okay."  
"I think you should be one."  
I look at him for the first time since I got in the truck, and he is serious. "Why?"  
"You have a good head on your shoulders. And a good heart."  
"I'm too emotional for this now though."  
"Ahh, but you see, thats what would make you the right person for the job."

* * *

I open the door to our apartment and slowly walk in. I'm not sure what I expected, but it looks exactly as it did before we left. I unpack, tossing everything in the hamper, except Tobias' shirt. I crawl in bed with it and stare up at the words he scrawled on his wall years ago. Fear God Alone. My eyes well up as I wonder if he was afraid. Eventually I let the pain set in again and cry myself to sleep.

"SHUT. UP." Phoenix yells from the stage in The Pit that evening. Before we made ourselves at home again, we made sure to set a meeting time. We also had a team of volunteers search the compound from top to bottom. They found nothing. "Those of us that remain need to elect a new leader. My personal opinion is that we should elect at least three. Does anyone object?" Surprisingly, the crowd is silent. "Good. Yell out your nominations."

"Tori." I call out. The crowd turns to look at me. I look at the ones nearest to me in the eye and let them know that I am serious. "She's always been there, at least for me. And when she administered my aptitude test, she went above and beyond to protect me. I'm divergent," I wait for just a moment, but they do not seem to care. "And I cannot think of anyone better to make the right decisions than her." The crowd begins to nod and a chorus of "Tori, Tori." begins to rise up.

"Tori?" Phoenix asks, looking in her direction. Her eyes are heavy and bloodshot, but she nods and makes her way up to the stage to cheers. "Alright. Next nomination?"

"Phoenix," a girl yells out. I'm glad she did. In this moment he is already stepping up, and from my limited interaction with him, he seems to be genuine. The crowd once again rises up with a chanting of "Phoenix, Phoenix." He nods and accepts his place as a new leader.

"I would like to nominate Tris for the final position." The crowd looks at Phoenix silently before turning their heads towards me. Well, some of them anyways. Most people here still don't know who I am. "She took charge in rescuing those that were being held hostage at Erudite, lead them to safety, and made the unilateral decision to take back our home." Even though it's not the first time, I feel a little awkward in this moment with all eyes on me. I hear the unmistakable voice of Zeke yell out "Tris!", and the crowd starts to nod and sing out my name. I'm not sure if this is something I want, or more importantly, something I can do without any sort of bias. As if some sort of divine intervention, the monitor on the stage turns on.

The crowd falls silent as we look at someone tied to a gurney. A figure comes into the frame, and I assume it is the same one, the masked one, that Will told us about. He holds up a syringe and taps on it, before injecting it into the person on the table. Unlike the security cameras at Amity, this time there is sound. The blood curdling scream that erupts sends me running for the stage. The person writhes underneath the straps, before contorting towards the camera. " _Tobias!_ " I manage to squeal out. His clothes are torn; the exposed areas bloody. His face is battered and bruised. I drop to my knees when he stops moving, afraid his fate is the same as those we saw before.

The masked figure leaves, and this time, it is a different, taller person who walks into the frame. "You will remain still and do as your told. You will not move. You will not make a sound." This persons voice is cold and mechanical, the way Will described it, and I wonder which one it was that made the first video. The person walks out of frame, and comes back with a large pair of hand shears.

My heart is racing as they are brought towards Tobias' foot. "It's too late," the masked figure says into the camera, and I watch in horror as they are opened up, and then closed down on one of Tobias' toes.

 


	30. Chapter 30

"Tris. Tris." I hear my name being repeated over and over again. I open my eyes and see the blinding white of the infirmary. "There you are. You scared me," Christina says. She's holding my hand and patting it. I pull it away.  
"What happened?"  
"You don't remember?"  
"No, I do," I say, realizing that I must have fainted. I frown. "He didn't even scream."  
She gives me a small smile. "I know this is hard, but he needs you. We need you. You have to decide about being a new leader, and then we need to make a plan to go back to Erudite and save Four."  
"Christina. I ca-" I stop, realizing what she just said. "Erudite? That wasn't Erudite."  
"What?" she asks, confused.  
"Where's Phoenix and Tori?"  
"Wait here. I'll get them."

"He's not at Erudite," I say before they're even fully in the door. "That wasn't an Erudite room."  
"No, it wasn't," Phoenix says.  
"Then where was it?" Tori asks.  
"It was gray. Made of stone. Abnegation," I say with certainty. "That's our plan."  
"So you're in?" Phoenix asks.  
"Yes."

Between crying myself to sleep and fainting, I'm not wasting any more time. I feel guilty enough as it is that I didn't personally head out and help the others collect our dead; it was my idea after all. But I wasn't ready to see Tobias like that, so I avoided it and allowed someone else to do it for me. I will never do that again.

"I'm leaving immediately. If I can get to my parents, I can talk to my father. He's on the council and I think that maybe he can help."  
"What do you think the masked person meant by it's too late?" Christina asks.  
"If I had to guess, I would say the serum worked."  
"But why would they be testing it on...oh," she says, finally catching on. "Both of you?"

I nod. "Tori. Can you tell me why you were there?"  
"Max. He asked me into his office and then shot me with something that knocked me out. I woke up in that cell."  
"Are you divergent?"  
"No."  
"Why you were there then?" Will asks.  
"They never answered my questions, so I started feigning sleep or grogginess in hopes they would talk. Only one guy slipped once. He called me the control."  
"What does that mean?" Phoenix asks.  
"My guess? It's because my brother was divergent, and I wasn't."  
"Any idea who's running things now that Jeanine's dead?" Christina asks. "Or better yet, who killed her?"  
"No. But I have a good idea where to start." I fill everyone who doesn't know in on Marcus and Jeanine's meeting while we ready our weapons.  
"I still don't understand. Why Marcus?"  
"That, Lauren, is what I'm going to find out."

We keep our group small; twenty to be exact. We don't want to cause too much panic by showing up like a small, fully armed army. We drive an Amity truck a few blocks away from the Factionless sector and hide it in an old garage, before continuing on foot. It's early morning in Abnegation, and it looks the same as it always has. The people keep their heads down as we make our way through. I send Christina and Will to my parents house to see if my parents are home, and lead the rest of us to Marcus'.

Unsurprisingly, the door is unlocked, and we make our way in. Abnegation homes are small, and it only takes a few minutes to search and find nothing. I wasn't expecting it to be this easy, but a part of me deflates at not really knowing where to go from here. "You guys wait outside. I'm going to go in and talk to my parents."

As soon as I crack the door, I see Christina with her gun drawn. "Zeke!" I shout as I draw my own. He's behind me immediately, as well as Phoenix. My worry turns to rage when I see that Christina has her gun drawn on Caleb, who sits on the couch with our mother.

" _You,_ " I snarl through gritted teeth. "Where is he?"  
His hands are raised in the air. "Who? Beatrice, tell me what's going on."  
"Where is he?" I shout, this time rushing forward and holding my gun to his head.  
"Beatrice, please," my mother says softly.  
"Check the house," I say to Zeke, who nods and immediately leaves with Phoenix. "Tobias. Where is he?"  
"Tobias?" He says with a confused look on his face. "I don't know. Can you please tell me what you're doing here?"  
"I could ask you the same question."

Zeke emerges from the bathroom with a girl.  
"Cara?"  
"Will! What's going on?"  
"Tris, this is my sister, Cara." Will seems to be just as confused as I am.  
"Sit," I tell her. She quickly sits next to Caleb. Phoenix has just come back from upstairs. He gives me the all clear.  
"Why are you here?" I ask, motioning for the others to lower their guns. I keep mine trained on Caleb.

"Jeanine's dead," Caleb says.  
"We know. Quit avoiding my question," I say, impatiently. My mother sits quietly, as if waiting for an explanation as well.  
"How do you know?"  
"Because we rescued the people you had locked away. Have you told mom what you did?"  
"Beatrice. I-"  
"Your sons a traitor," I say, cutting him off. "The Erudite were testing some serum on the divergents they were holding captive. I also watched his fellow lab rats congratulate him on making another one. Maybe one that wouldn't kill them after they were shot full of it against their will."  
"How did you...?" he trails off, a stunned look on his face.  
"Let's just say you severely underestimated us. This is the last time I am going to ask you. Why are you here?"

"Okay, okay. We were told to make some changes to an already existing serum, so we did. It wasn't until I went to Jeanine's office to meet with her that I knew something was wrong. She was just laying there, in a pool of her own blood. I panicked and ran. By then things seemed to be going a little crazy. More guards than usual were running around. I heard her assistant come running through the dorm, alerting us that something was happening and we needed to be prepared. So I grabbed Cara immediately and we left."

"You left, just like that? With all the Dauntless guards around? I don't buy it," I say.  
"The guards are dummies. They'll do anything they're told. Besides, things were already in progress, and they were too interested in something else, which I guess was you. Are you asking about Tobias Eaton?"  
"Yes," I say, a little pissed that I've let his secret be thrown out in the open like this.  
"Why are you asking about him?"

I sigh and sit in the chair across from them, and fill them in on everything that's happened.  
"Oh, Beatrice," my mothers says softly.  
"Can you get dad? I think he may be able to help."  
She nods and quickly leaves.

"What were you told about the serum?" Will asks.  
"Just that it would help people out. That we needed to work on it so it could be used long term instead of short term."  
"And nobody told you why? Or what exactly it would be used for?"  
"No. When Jeanine personally picks you for a special project, you don't really question it." Will nods as if he understands.  
"Why were you there so early?" I ask, skeptical of my bothers' story.  
"We always meet at 5 in the morning. She used to say it was the best time for brainstorming."

Will and Cara make small talk as we wait for my father. They look alike. More than Caleb and I do anyways.  
"She's not very nice," Christina says, sitting down in the chair next to mine.  
"Why do you say that?"  
"When Will introduced us, she just looked at me and continued talking to her brother like I wasn't even there."  
"Psh, Erudite," I say.

My father rushes in the door with my mother, and I fill him in. "Marcus and Jeanine? And now Jeanine's dead?" he says, pondering this new information for a moment. "How can I help you though?"  
"We know the room was an Abnegation room," I say, pointing to the walls. "They aren't at Marcus'."  
My mother and father look at each other. "Beatrice, I don't think Marcus would do... _that_ ," he says.  
"Do not defend him. I know for a fact that you know what he did to Tobias as a child. I have seen it, and I have experienced it first hand." My mother frowns. "He is an awful human being and I absolutely would not put it past him to be taking part in this in some way."

"I still don't see how I can help."  
"Are there any empty homes right now?"  
"Yes, but why-" he stops. He shuffles through his bag and pulls out his tablet. "Units 19, 22, 31, 37 and 48."  
I nod. "Stay here. Once people realize something is going on, it won't take long for things to go bad."

I direct the others where to find the homes my father listed and we split up. I'm trying my best to not get my hopes up, but the thought that I could be seeing Tobias any minute now has my heart racing. Will, Christina and I make our way up to unit 48 silently, and peer in a window. I shake my head when nothing seems amiss. We make our way through the house and clear it.

"Nothing?" I ask the others when they return. They shake their heads.  
"Is it possible that a house is thought to be in use, but isn't?" Cara asks.  
"Dad?" I say. It's as good a theory as any.  
"Give me a few minutes." He taps away on his tablet as we wait. "Here. This is a housing list." I look over the list. There's only two names on the it I'm not familiar with in some way. "Who's Jacob Cartwright?"  
"Transfer. This year." Right. I wouldn't know him.  
"And what about Evelyn Johnson?"  
"Evelyn? Let me see that." He takes the tablet and looks at the housing assignment. "It says she was assigned it twen- oh my."  
"Dad, what?"  
"This was Evelyn's house when she first transferred." He swipes a few times. "Marcus was just getting on council then. And when they were married, it was labeled as damaged beyond repair, and thus, taken out of rotation."  
"Evelyn Eaton," I say out loud. "What unit?"  
"60."  
"Let's go."

I lead them down our street and make a left at the end. The Abnegation we pass are finally starting to pay attention to our presence. "Stay in your houses," I tell them as we make our way through. They nod and immediately go inside.

Half of our team places themselves strategically around the house, hidden, but with a clear vantage point. The other half slowly makes their way to the house. I try to look in a window, but it is covered. I motion for Phoenix to check the other side. He comes back and shakes his head. I take a deep breath and signal for them to follow me. I try the handle slowly. It's locked. This is a good sign. Phoenix steps forward and raises his rifle, slamming it down hard on the door handle. It falls to the floor and he lunges into the door with his shoulder, flinging it open with a loud bang.

"Clear!" they shout as they make their way through the downstairs. I nod and make my way up. The first door is open, and the room is filled with papers. I motion three Dauntless inside. "Gather information." They nod and set to it. If there is anyone here, I have to assume they know we are too. The other two doors are closed. Phoenix swings the first door open quickly and points his gun. "Don't move!" He shouts. A single shot echos through the second floor. He stumbles back, firing his weapon in the process. Will carefully peers into the room before rushing in, Christina following closely behind. Zeke and I bend down and check on Phoenix. He is bleeding heavily from his arm. I rip the bottom of my shirt and tie it around the wound.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he says, brushing me off.  
"You've been shot. You're not fine."  
"One more room. Go."  
Zeke nods and heads to the last door, carefully opening it. "Tris! Here!" I run towards him and look inside.

He is strapped to a blood soaked gurney. There are bruises and cuts all over; his clothes glued to his body from dried blood. I step forward and touch him softly. "Tobias," I whisper, my voice wavering. "Tobias, it's me. It's Tris. You're safe now." His eyes are open, but he doesn't acknowledge I'm even there. I brace myself and look down at his foot. "Help!" is all I can manage to get out before a large set of arms wrap around me and pull me from the room.

 


	31. Chapter 31

It's been rough this past week. We took Eric into custody at the house in Abnegation. Zeke and Will led the way to the Abnegation Council and arrested Marcus. He gave up Max quickly in exchange for not being put to death. The paperwork we found in the house is old; it's taking a long time to sort through and make sense of it. The tablet Jeanine gave Marcus that day in Erudite is still unaccounted for.

"I'll be back soon," I tell Tobias after I kiss him on the forehead. After he was found, we had to rush him to Abnegation's hospital immediately. He was shot twice; once through the side of his leg just below his knee, and once in his abdomen, narrowly missing his liver. He lost a lot of blood. His injuries coupled with the blood loss crashed his immune system and left him septic. His foot was mangled beyond recognition from whatever it is they were trying to accomplish; we had to amputate. The affects of the serum they were injecting him with are unknown at this time. After he was deemed stable enough to move, I had him transferred to Dauntless. He's been in a medically induced coma this entire time; they hope the rest and antibiotics will be enough.

It turned out that the Dauntless at Erudite had also been injected with the serum, and essentially programmed to protect Erudite at all costs. Those that we killed on our way out had no idea what they were even doing. I feel a lot of guilt over it, but it cannot be undone. The others have been in quarantine, as they are too easily influenced to be allowed into society right now. Uriah and the others we found locked away were also injected, although their versions of the serum were either too weak to kill them, or too weak to influence them long term. Caleb and Cara, as well as a few other Erudite have been hard at work, trying to find a way to undo the damage they did. I don't think I'll ever forgive him.

I jump the train to Candor, along with Uriah, Tori, Phoenix, and a handful of other Dauntless. Today we will listen to the testimonies of Eric, Max and Marcus, along with the representatives of the other factions, and decide their fates. I don't care about the first two. Their motives were purely selfish; nothing more than a power play. Marcus however, I am interested in. The truth serum he will have coursing through his body will allow everyone to know just what a monster he truly is. If necessary, I will also have to testify, along with Uriah and Tori, who volunteered to give their accounts of what they witnessed at Erudite. Almost everyone else who was held prisoner refuses to talk about it.

Max and Eric both tell the same story. Jeanine promised them power. A place by her side as she took control of Chicago. Or rather, took control of the citizens of Chicago. Their information, obviously, was incredibly limited. They weren't even fully aware of why being divergent was such a threat. They only knew that Jeanine wished to inject us, in hopes to control us. They were nothing more than pawns used to get what she wanted.

Marcus, however, is a different story.

"Please state your full name." Jack Kang doesn't need to speak loudly. The room which we are holding court allows even the slightest noise to be heard everywhere.  
"Marcus Eaton."  
"And which faction were you born into?"  
"Abnegation."  
"And your wife's name?"  
"Evelyn."  
"And your sons."  
"Tobias."

"Good. Now let's talk about Jeanine Matthews. How did you know her?"  
"I am head of the Abnegation Council. As a government official, I deal with other Faction leaders."

"How did you get involved with Jeanine and her quest against the divergents?"  
"I was doing research, and I found out."

"Found what out?"  
"The truth."

"Marcus, tell me the truth you found out."  
"Many years ago, the country was at war. They destroyed everything. The people did their best to find a way to survive. They built the wall around this city for safety and tried to create a better way of life. The new government was just as corrupt as the old one, and the citizens ended up revolting. The government started killing everyone who disobeyed. A scientist then discovered a way to control the human brain and stop the people from rebelling. They invented a fake disease as an excuse, and used a vaccine to administer the serum to the people. His discovery made the people obedient. A little too obedient. The Factions were created as a way to focus the people and deal with the obedience issue. He also used it on the corrupt government, and put himself in charge of the city."

"How did you come to possess this knowledge?"  
"I read the papers."

"The papers that were recovered from the house in Abnegation?"  
"Yes."

"Where did you find them?"  
"I took them from my wife."

"How long have you had this information?"  
"Approximately eights months."

Jack Kang turns and speaks to another member of Candor. He flips through a couple of papers and nods.

"Marcus, our records say that your wife, Evelyn, is deceased. Is that correct?"  
"Yes."

"Then how were you able to take these papers from her?"  
"She faked her death before. She had been living with the Factionless. I found her reading them one day, so I killed her and took them."

A quiet whisper floods the room.

"How does this information pertain to Jeanine Matthews?"  
"She got suspicious when I asked her if such a thing was possible."

"So you told her about your discovery?"  
"Yes."

"How does this information apply to people who are divergent?"  
"The vaccine altered the people to such an extreme, it was passed down to their children. Divergents we discovered are a natural evolutionary response."

"Please elaborate."  
"People naturally posses all the traits of the factions, not just one of them. As time has progressed, more and more people are being born with an aptitude towards more than one trait."

"Why did Jeanine wish to get rid of the people who were divergent?"  
"She didn't. She only wanted to perfect the serum."

"Why?"  
"She wanted to ensure everyone would adhere to a single trait again."

"If the information on this serum already existed, why was is necessary to test it again?"  
"She lured a young Factionless girl to Erudite, to test the information I had found. It didn't work. Jeanine re-administered the aptitude test. She tested positive for more than one faction. This is how she was able to piece it together. Divergents have an immunity to the original serum. She was working on altering the serum so it would work again."

"Do you know how Jeanine Matthews died?"  
"Yes."

"How?"  
"I killed her."

The chatter in the room grows louder this time. Jack raises his hands to silence us.

"Why?"  
"She promised me that her and I would lead together. I went to visit her to finalize things, and she informed me that my services would no longer be needed. So I shot her."

"How did you get a gun?"  
"I stole it off of a guard."

"Was it your intent to continue without Jeanine?"  
"Yes."

"And was it your intent to take sole control of the city too?"  
"Yes."

"What happened to the people who are unaccounted for?"  
"They are dead."

"Please elaborate."  
"Those that are divergent have developed a resistance to the original serum. The new ones caused the body to resist again in excess and attack itself after injection."

"Did you inject your son, Tobias, with the serum?"  
"Yes."

"He did not die. Do you know why?"  
"There was a newly created version of the serum that was untested. It worked."

My heart sinks. All the years Tobias fought through to not allow his father to shape him in any way, and in the end he still succumbed to him.

"Thank you for your honesty, Marcus."  
A series of hushed "thank you for your honesty's" echo throughout the large room. Jack Kang makes his way over to us.  
"I don't see a need to question any of you at this time. I think we have gotten enough information. Do you agree?" The three of us look at each other and nod. "Good. I will verify this with the others and then we can proceed with sentencing."

As we wait I watch them move Marcus from the center of the room, and shackle him to a table next to Eric and Max. As he comes out of his truthful stupor, his eyes find me. I stare back, hoping that the look in mine convey everything I've ever wanted to say to him. The half smile that curls up on his lip tells me it doesn't matter. He is not a man. He is a monster, and monsters don't feel.

"Silence please," Jack Kang's voice booms through the room. "It is in agreement that there is enough information to move forward with sentencing. Will the representative from each faction please step forward."

Uriah leans over the railing that separates us. "It should be you."  
"Me? Why?"  
"Why not?" Phoenix asks, shifting his arm around in it's sling.  
"Because it's more personal for me than the rest of you," I say.  
"Which is why it should be you. I want you to look them right in the eye when you deliver their fate," Tori says, a touch of hatred in her voice. Sometimes I forget that her brother was a part of this too.

I nod and make my way to the center of the room and stand between Johanna and my father. He was elected leader of Abnegation after Marcus' downfall. A woman named Sarah Peters temporarily runs Erudite while they try to regroup and find a permanent replacement, and a man named Sheldon takes the place of Jack Kang to round out our jury.

"Eric Monroe, you have been charged with Conspiracy, Treason, Unlawful Imprisonment, Torture and are an Accessory to Murder. A jury of your peers will determine your fate. How do you plead?"  
"Not guilty."  
"Let the record show not guilty."

Jack Kang looks to each one of us for our verdict.  
Amity and Abnegation vote guilty.  
Erudite and Candor vote innocent.  
It don't miss the fact that I am being asked last. Eric scoffs when it's my turn.  
"Guilty," I say as I look him in the eye.

"Maximus Evans, you have been charged with Conspiracy, Treason, Unlawful Imprisonment and are an Accessory to Murder. A jury of your peers will determine your fate. How do you plead?"  
"Not guilty."  
"Let the record show not guilty."

This time we all vote guilty. I guess some people believe that being at the top makes you more responsible.

"Marcus Eaton, you have been charged with Conspiracy, Treason, Unlawful Imprisonment, Torture and are an Accessory Murder. A jury of your peers will determine your fate. How do you plead?"  
"Not guilty."  
"Let the record show not guilty."

I won't lie. The satisfaction I receive as I listen to each and every "Guilty" causes a smile to creep across my face.  
"Guilty," I say loudly. The rage in his eyes makes me thankful he is chained to a table.

"You will remain here while your fate is decided." Jack Kang motions for us to follow him into a side room. "The five of you will now decide whether they live or die."

 


	32. Chapter 32

We emerge from our room thirty minutes later.

"In the case of Eric Monroe, have you reached a verdict?" Jack Kang asks.  
"We have," my father replies. We agreed that he would speak for all of us. "Eric Monroe, you have been found guilty of the crimes of Conspiracy, Treason, Unlawful Imprisonment, Torture and Accessory to Murder. For this you will be sentenced to death, to be carried out in ten days."

I smile at him as he clenches his jaw.

"In the case of Maximus Evans, have you reached a verdict?"  
"We have. Maximus Evans, you have been found guilty of the crimes of Conspiracy, Treason, Unlawful Imprisonment and Accessory to Murder. For this you will be sentenced to death, to be carried out in ten days."

Max shows no remorse. He holds his head high and focuses on something in the balcony.

"In the case of Marcus Eaton, have you reached a verdict?"  
"We have. Marcus Eaton, you have been found guilty of the crimes of Conspiracy, Treason, Unlawful Imprisonment, Torture and Accessory to Murder. For this you have been sentenced to a life in prison, without the possibility of rehabilitation or freedom upon remorse. This sentence is to begin immediately, and will end upon your death."  
The smug look on his face is infuriating. He should be the one dying for these crimes, not just these two lackeys. What Jack Kang says next, surprises me.

"The verdicts are final. Let the record show, however, that there will be another trial in ten days time for the murder of Evelyn Eaton."  
"What?" Marcus yells out. "Impossible! I have been guaranteed immunity for my crimes."  
"Yes, Mr. Eaton. However, this was not part of that deal. The decision is final."

"I am an Abnegation council member! You cannot treat me like this! I will have you permanently removed from your position, Jack!" Marcus yells.  
"Well, looks like you'll die just like us after all," Max sneers as they are drug back to their holding cells.

"How was it?" Uriah asks.  
"They almost didn't choose death for Eric. Sarah and Sheldon felt he wasn't involved enough because he wasn't an actual leader and therefore couldn't enforce anything on his own. They were very persuasive with their arguments."  
"What changed their mind?"  
"Me." I don't elaborate. In time more and more truths will reveal themselves. For now, I'm content with how things are.  
"You made the right decision," Tori says.  
"I know."

I get up and find my parents.  
"You were so brave, Beatrice," my mother says as she tucks my hair behind my ear.  
"Thanks, mom." I hug them both, and promise to keep them informed on Tobias' condition.

* * *

The next morning, Lynn and I race to the infirmary. She came banging on my door early. They think Tobias is stable enough to be taken off of the medication that keeps him asleep.

"This is Dr. North, from Erudite. He is who has visited Four a few times to help us asses his situation," Lynn says. I'm still as uncomfortable as the first time Lynn told me about his visits. "Dr. North, this is Tris."

"Nice to meet you, Tris," he says, shaking my hand. "Please understand that until he wakes up, we will not know what state he is in due to the serum he was injected with. I am also working closely with Cara and Caleb, who I understand is your brother. I give you my word that I will do whatever it takes to heal him." He looks at Tobias for a moment, then turns his attention back to me. "Not everyone approved of what was being done."

I nod and accept what I assume is his apology. "How long will it take to know if there is any permanent damage?"  
"I'm not sure. It should take roughly two days for him to work the sedative out of his system completely. After that, he could wake up at any time."

He reads the monitor Tobias is hooked up to and makes a note in his file. He and Lynn discuss some things I don't understand. She nods her head and watches as he makes an adjustment to the computer in charge of pumping him full of medicine.

"Lynn knows how to get in touch with me if you need anything." He shakes my hand again and leaves.  
"Go get something to eat," Lynn says as she shoves me towards the door. "I know you'll be back off and on, and I promise to come get you the second he shows any signs of waking up."  
"Okay. Thanks Lynn."

I grab a muffin and sit at our old table. Who would have thought a couple of short months ago that the Stiff would be part of the leadership? I smile to myself, letting the positive things that have happened take over for once.  
"Good news?" I jump. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."  
"No, that's okay Lauren."  
"Mind if I join you?" I shake my head. She grabs a muffin and sits across from me.

"They've started weaning him off his medication. He could be awake in as little as two days."  
"Really? That's good news," she says.  
"Yeah."  
We sit together in an uncomfortable silence, picking at our food.  
"You're good for him, you know," she says quietly. She gets up and leaves without another word.

I'm only left a few minutes to think about Lauren's odd behavior before Tori shows up.  
"I heard about Four. That's a good sign."  
"I hope so."  
"Listen. Jack Kang stopped by last night. I just told Phoenix, but they're going to hold a council meeting in few weeks. The topic is whether or not to keep to the faction system."  
"Okay," I say drawn out and not really understanding why she seems nervous.  
"Each faction will put in a vote, and yes or no, it's decided just like that."  
"What are you worried about?"  
"I want a change more than anything. I think of my brother, and the fact that he would be alive today if this bullshit went away earlier. All this fear and secrecy over what? Human nature? I'm just afraid that people aren't ready for such a drastic change yet."

I understand completely. So far the repercussions of people knowing about my divergence has been nil, but it hasn't stopped me from worrying if things will change.  
"We'll tell them, Tori. I promise you I will do my best to help you make them understand."  
"Thank you."  
She leans down and gives me a quick hug. "We'll talk more about this after Four wakes up."  
I nod and watch her leave the cafeteria.

* * *

"Are you sure he moved?" I say, the anticipation and nervousness threatening to make me lose my lunch.  
"Yes. He moved his arm and then squeezed my hand. You try," Lynn says, shoving my hand in his. "I'll be back. I'm going to go let the Doctor know."

It's been just over two and a half days since Dr. North visited. I've been here by Tobias' side since 9 last night. I only left because Lynn threatened to give me a dose of tranquilizer if I didn't go eat and take a shower. I sit down nervously in my chair.

"Hey, Tobias. It's me, Tris." I'm not really sure what to say. "If you hear me, can you squeeze my hand?" I hold my breath, but nothing happens. I fight back tears, angry that I missed the first moment he responded to anything. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified that he will be different.

"I hope you're as excited to see me as I am to see you. I can't wait to tell you all the things that have happened. Like, I'm a Dauntless leader now. And we will be holding a vote that might get rid of the factions." His fingers move slightly against mine, and it sends my pulse racing. I lean forward and kiss him gently on his forehead. His eyes flutter just a bit. "That's it. Wake up, Tobias." His eyes open. I hold my breath, giving him a moment to come to.

"Tobias?" He doesn't say anything. I panic a bit because he has the same blank look as when we found him. "Can you hear me?" This time I can't fight the tears. "Tobias, please. I'm here. I'm right here."

"He's awake?"  
I jump at the voice, unaware that anyone was even in the room with me. When I look at the door, anger immediately fills me.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I heard what happened. Came by to check on him."  
"Check on him?  _Check on him_?" I say, unable to form my rage into anything more than this question right now.  
Peter shrugs and makes his way to the other side of the bed.  
"Get out."

He ignores me. "Tobias, it's Peter." The way he says his name makes me want to cut his tongue out. It's not much of a secret anymore, but it sure as hell doesn't give him the right to use it. "Can you hear me?" Tobias lays still. "Four." Nothing. "I fucked your girlfriend."  
"God dammit, Peter. Get out now or I will throw you into the chasm myself."

"What are you doing here?" Lynn asks as she comes back in the room.  
"Checking on Four."  
"No. I mean, what are  _you_  doing  _here_? You certainly weren't with our group, and if you were with the others at Erudite, you would be in quarantine with the rest of them. But you're not. You're here. Why?"

He shrugs. "Well, what can I say? Once a coward, always a coward." He makes his way towards the door. "One last thing. Tobias, raise your right hand in the air." And just like that, he raises his arm. "Seems like your boyfriend is a lot more obedient now." I throw the first thing I can get my hands on at him; a small plastic pan. It misses and bounces off the door. He grins at the fact that he's upset me, and leaves.

"Tris, I promise I will let you kill him later, but right now, we need to focus on Four."  
I stare at Tobias' arm hanging in the air still. "Tobias, put your arm back down." He does.

* * *

It's been two days since Tobias woke up. He lays there in his bed, endlessly staring at the ceiling until he is told to sleep and sleeping until he is told to wake up. I'm trying my best to look at the positive side of this. For starters, I know for a fact that Tobias would have never stayed in that bed and gotten the rest he so desperately needed. Because of this, all signs of infection are gone. His gunshot wounds have healed with no signs of complications, other than needing rehab for walking. Even his bruises have begun to fade. He is, for all intents and purposes, healed. But as I stand in our shower, I let the spray mask the tears that silently fall, not really knowing if I'm mourning his loss, or mine.

"How should we even approach the subject? I mean, half of our faction is still in quarantine and unable to give their opinion anyways. That wouldn't be very fair, would it?" Tori, Phoenix and I are having our first meeting as leaders. The only pressing topics are getting our faction back together, and whether or not to dismantle it. "I know that if it were me, I would be upset that my vote wasn't taken into consideration," I say.

"Same," Tori adds. "I'm going to talk to Jack, see if we can't come to some sort of agreement on waiting until we are a whole unit again. How's Four?"  
"The same," I say, not really in the mood for the sympathetic looks. "Is that it then?"  
"Yeah, with no big bad evil to worry about, this job is pretty boring, isn't it?" Phoenix asks, laughing.  
I give a half smile and excuse myself.

Dr. North told Lynn that sometimes patients can pull themselves out of their illness with reminders of the good things in their life. I wouldn't call Tobias being drugged against his will with a serum that essentially turned him into a drone an illness, but it does sound nicer than the alternative. Besides, I'm willing to try anything.

I catch the train and head West, hopping out into the empty field before scooting through the hole in the wall. I brush myself off and head towards the first grouping of trees. When I finally find the house, it takes me a minute to figure out the secret door and make my way inside. It looks the same as we left it. I take my time looking through the bookcase, enjoying the small break from everything back home. When I find the poem book I finger through it, bending the page when I find my favorite.

"There you are!" Christina yells at me when I hop off the train. "Dr. North and your brother are here!"

"What is it?" I say, out of breath as we barrel into Tobias' room. "Is he okay?"  
"He's fine, calm down Beatrice." I shoot Caleb a look that would kill him if it were possible.

"Cara and Caleb were able to work out another serum that will hopefully bring Tobias back," Dr. North says. "We already administered it on your fellow Dauntless back at Erudite. It took about an hour, but one by one, they've been coming back around."  
"Yeah but, Tobias was injected with a different serum," I say.  
"Relax, Beatrice. I created that serum, remember?" This time, Christina has to hold me back as I lunge for him. He steps back, aghast at my behavior.

"What Caleb means," Cara says, focusing my attention on her, "Is that we were able to do the same thing based on our research notes. This should make it like he was never injected."  
"But we don't know for sure, right? I mean, there is nobody to test it on."  
"Well, no. But please, Tris, can you at least trust me?" Cara asks. I narrow my eyes at her, and wonder at what point she thought she was my friend. I don't have many options though, so I nod my head and watch nervously as she unzips a case not unlike the one Tobias has. She fills a syringe with a clear liquid and injects it directly into Tobias' neck.

My heart is beating so hard, I'm certain everyone can hear it. Christina reaches out and takes my hand. When Tobias first moves, I smile. It's the first time he's voluntarily done anything since he woke up. His head moves back and forth, and he blinks a few times, as if clearing away a fog. He moves his hand up and looks at it curiously, when he jerks forward suddenly, a guttural scream piercing the silence. His eyes roll back in his head and he goes limp, as the machine that monitors his vitals lets out a loud, long screech.

Everything is moving in slow motion. Caleb, Cara and Dr. North spring into action as Lynn and Christina drag me out of the room. The last thing I see is Dr. North pressing down repeatedly on Tobias' chest.

 


	33. Chapter 33

I slump into a ball in the hallway. Lynn and Christina are talking to me, but I can't hear anything. Lynn runs back into Tobias' room and Christina pulls me into her arms. I'm not sure how long we sit there, but eventually Caleb emerges from the room. The look on his face is all the fuel I need. I shove Christina hard and tear at him, mercilessly, like a savage beast in the wild. "This is all your fault!" I yell as I throw punch after punch. Caleb doesn't even put his hands up to defend himself.  
"Tris! Enough!" Dr. North's booming voice catches me off guard and I stop. "Inside.  _Now_."

I walk in and see Tobias, his chest rising and falling steadily as the machines and monitors beep quietly. "But I...how...," is all I manage to get out.  
"Tobias' body has been through a lot," he says calmly. "Perhaps it was the dose required, or that fact that this was a different serum, but yes, he crashed. We brought him back though. He's been stable for a few minutes now."  
"What does that mean?"  
"It means, we need to give it time."

* * *

It's been well over an hour with no signs of complications, but they still monitor him closely while Cara cuts the thread on the last stitch she's just put in Caleb's face.

"I don't think there's anything to do now but wait. The others took a while to come around, so it's safe to assume Tobias will take the same, if not a little longer. Let him sleep." I nod as Dr. North ushers everyone out of the room. He places a hand on my shoulder and leans down. "Talk to him." He gives me a gentle smile before leaving.

"Are you okay?" Christina asks as she slips back in.  
"I'm fine, I think."  
"You got one hell of an arm on you, girl," she says as she hugs me. "I'll be in the cafeteria if you need me. I'm going to go get Will and the others, fill them in on everything. You come get us when you're ready." I nod and sit down in the chair. I've occupied it so much lately, it's starting to mold to my backside.

I take his hand in mine and give it a small squeeze. "Tobias, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand." When nothing happens, I pull my hand back. I sit with my elbows on my knees and hold my head in my hands. I can't fight it, so I close my eyes and cry until my tears are finally exhausted. My vision is blurry when I finally open my eyes, but I can see something underneath Tobias' bed. In all the commotion, I dropped the book. I bend down and retrieve it, opening it to the page I folded.

I remember Tobias reading this particular poem to me, and how it was both the saddest and sweetest thing I had ever heard. The notes at the top of the page tell me it was written by a man whose childhood sweetheart had come down with an incurable disease, and this was how he dealt with his grief. I wipe my eyes and clear my throat.

" _I was alone_  
 _And you were too_  
 _But love had other plans_  
 _That only she knew_

_We met and fell in love_   
_Some say too fast_   
_But we worked hard every day_   
_Determined to make it last_

_Through the years you bought me flowers_   
_And wrote me love poems too_   
_But nothing compared to the love I felt_   
_Just by being with you_

_Time is funny, you never realize_   
_Just how fast it passes by_   
_Until you get the news_   
_That your love is sure to die_

_Oh how I hold you gently_   
_Hold you close while you sleep_   
_Fight off all the demons_   
_For now you're mine to keep_

_And when that day does come_  
 _That one of our lives ends_  
 _Just know that I'll be searching another_  
 _Until I find you again_."

I close the book and hold it in my lap as the tears fight to break free again.  
"Don't stop."  
The book clatters to the floor as I jump up. "Tobias!" I yell out as I kiss him on the forehead. "Do you feel okay? Are you in any pain? Lynn! Lynn!" I yell out the door before assaulting him with questions again. "What's the last thing you remember? Are you thirsty? I can get you some ice chips."  
"Whoa, whoa," he says hoarsely, a faint smile on his face.  
"Sorry," I say quietly. "One at a time."

"You're awake!" Lynn says as she rushes in the door. "I knew you'd be fine!" She takes some notes down in his file. "Are you in any pain?"  
Tobias shakes his head. "Thirsty."  
"Ice chips only." I nod and head out to the ice machine behind the nurses station. Lynn catches me on my way back.  
"I'm going to send a message to Dr. North. Do you want to be the one to tell him?" I nod, knowing there's a lot to cover. "Okay. I'll give you guys some time. Just hit the button this time if you need anything."  
"Thanks Lynn."

I sit by the bed again and feed Tobias a few ice chips. "Much better," he says, his voice sounding better. He takes a moment and looks around. "Dauntless?" I nod. "How long?"  
"Almost two weeks." The small look of happiness he had immediately leaves his face. "Tobias, so much has happened, that I'm not even sure where to begin."  
"Just start at the beginning."  
"Okay. Tell me if you need me to stop."  
"Okay."

He doesn't tell me to stop. I start at the beginning, giving a quick run through on everything that has happened. He smiles so proudly when I inform him that he is, in fact, dating a Dauntless leader now. He also smiles when I tell him that Eric and Max will be executed soon, and more than likely, so will Marcus. I save the worst for last. Mostly because I don't really know how to tell him.

"There's one more thing." I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "We had to amputate your foot."  
When I open my eyes, he is staring at me blankly. All the color has left his face, and any hint of happiness has vanished. He tugs at the sheet, as if I'm mistaken. I get up and help him remove it. He stares in disbelief.

"Luckily, the serum you were injected with didn't kill you. It turned you into some sort of...I don't know...it's like you were completely unable to think for yourself. They told you to lie still and not make a sound, and then cut off your toe. And you just laid there. You didn't flinch. You didn't scream. You did exactly as they said. They apparently did it more than once just to be sure, because your foot..." I trail off, not really wanting to finish, "They destroyed it."

He hasn't looked at me. Just his foot. Or rather, where his foot used to be. "I don't remember anything."  
"I know."  
"So how am I...," he trails off, waving his hand in the air.  
"Believe it or not, Caleb. And Will's sister Cara. They worked with an Erudite doctor and were able to reverse the effects of the serums. So everybody's back to normal."  
"Yeah. Normal."

I instantly feel horrible for saying that. "Tobias, I-"  
"No. It's fine. You were right. It's a lot to process. I think I need a little time."  
"Okay," I say softly. I hesitate just a moment before I kiss him on the forehead and head to the cafeteria.

"You can't really blame him, Tris. He's been through so much," Will says. It feels almost like how it used to be, eating dinner together again.  
"I know, but as happy as this should have been, I feel in some way that I did the wrong thing. Or that I let him down somehow."  
"Nonsense," Zeke says. "You and I both know that boy all too well. He's just upset that he wasn't in control of something. If he would have made the decision to chop off his own foot, it would be different. He just needs time to get over it and realize that it was the right thing to do."  
I nod because I know Zeke is partly right.

"So, Shauna is coming home in a the morning. Nervous?" I ask.  
"Actually, yeah. I mean, I know she wasn't herself because of the serum, but it still feels weird."  
"And now this is when I tell you that  _you_  need to get over it."  
"Will you stop being right for once?" Zeke says as he tosses a fry at me.

I decide to give Tobias the night to process things. I crawl into bed and snuggle up with his shirt, as I have done every night since we got back. I toss and turn at first, but I finally get a good nights sleep for the first time in weeks.

* * *

I don't know if Tobias can have solid food yet, but I swing by the cafeteria early and grab a muffin and ask the cooks for some soup. Just as I'm leaving, I spot a small silver package and smile, grabbing it too.

"He's sleeping still," Lynn says as I walk in.  
"How did he do?"  
"Decent enough. I gave him some pain meds, but I think that was more to help him go to sleep than anything else. Dr. North and crew are on their way already. They want to ask Tobias some questions and take some blood. You know, Erudite shit. He can't eat that yet," she says, pointing to the muffin.  
I hold up the thermos the cook gave me. "Soup?" I ask. She nods.

I set the thermos down on the side table and take my place in the chair again, picking at the muffin for a bit while I wait for Tobias to wake up. A small knock at the door alerts me to Dr. North's presence.  
"Did you sleep last night?"  
"I did. I also told Tobias everything that happened."  
"How did that go?"  
"About as good as you would expect."  
He nods thoughtfully. "If you can keep your hands to yourself, your brother wants to talk to you. I'll need a little time to do what I need to do here."

I sigh and get up. Caleb's apprehensive as I approach him. I have to stifle a laugh at the sight of his face. "Follow me."  
I lead him up to the roof. Since we got back, not very many people have had a reason to leave, so it's one of the quietest places in the compound. Plus it has the added bonus of me being able to push him off, if the mood strikes.  
"Is this really necessary?" Caleb asks, sensing how disadvantaged he is right now.  
"Yes. Speak."

He takes a deep breath and stiffens up, making himself seem taller. "Why him?"  
"Tobias? Why not"  
"You know why not, Beatrice. He's trash."  
"Trash? Are you listening to yourself right now, Caleb? Do you even have half an idea what he went through as a child? What he's done for Dauntless? For the city?"  
"He defected."  
"Newsflash. So did you. And so did I. Am I trash too?"  
"You only left because of him. Are you really that desperate, Beatrice?"  
"Desperate?"  
"For him. You've always had a thing for him."  
"And?"  
"And he's older than you."  
"Really? That's what this is about? A whole two years? Last I checked, you're older than Cara." He narrows his eyes at me. "Yeah. I know. Why else would you have taken her to mom and dad's?"  
"What I do is irrelevant."  
"You're such a hypocrite."  
"Why do you need him so badly? What if he would have died? What then?"

"First, Caleb, I don't  _need_  him. I  _want_  him. There is a big difference. I would have been devastated if Tobias had died. It might have taken me a long time, but I would have moved on eventually."

I snort in disgust. "You have no idea, do you? The lengths Tobias would go to for me? There's no doubt in my mind that he would go to the end of the world and back if it meant something to me." By now I am yelling, with my finger poking Caleb hard in the chest. "That's what love is, Caleb. Tobias is everything to me. He is my entire world, but I'm smart enough to know that he is not the  _only_  thing. He makes me a better person, and I him. I wish you could see that. You might learn a thing or two about what love really is."  
I lower my finger and take a deep breath. "Does that sound like trash to you? Someone who would do anything for your sister?"

I turn to leave. If this is all Caleb really cares about, I don't want to hear any more of it.

"I just want what's best for you, Beatrice."  
I open the roof door, and hesitate for a moment. I don't look at Caleb when I talk. "It's Tris. And if that were true, we would't be having this conversation."

I slam the door and make my way back to Tobias.

 


	34. Chapter 34

"Sorry I didn't wait. Lynn told me you brought soup, and I was starving," Tobias says as I walk in.  
"That's okay. How are things?"  
"Good. Dr. North says I can go home." I smile. It feels like the last piece of the puzzle is being put into place. "He went to go get my crutches."  
I look down. When I finally manage to bring my eyes to his, he has stopped eating and is looking at me. "It's okay, Tris. I'm okay."

I rush forward and give him hug. "I'll go get you some clothes then. I'll be right back." I kiss him on the forehead. "Oh, everybody is anxious to see you."  
"Dinner at our house then?" he says with a smile.  
"Dinner it is. Oh, I almost forgot." I reach in my sweater pocket, pulling out the small silver package and place it in his lap. "For a special occasion."  
He picks up the beef jerky and smiles.

I help Tobias get dressed. He's lost so much weight, he looks like the boy I knew in Abnegation again. Dr. North gives him some pills. One bottle is in case he can't sleep, the other is in case he has any pain, and orders bed rest for a few more days. The trip home is enough to wipe him out. He takes a nap while I inform everyone of tonight's festivities.

Christina takes over, allowing me time to take care of Tobias. I draw him a bath, so he can keep his leg out of the water. Doctors orders too. At least until the bandages can come off. He looks at himself in the mirror afterwards while I get him new clothes.

"I look different."  
"No you don't," I say, even though he does. I'm trying my best to make him feel like nothing's changed.  
"Tris, don't lie to me."  
I sigh. "Okay, so? What you look like on the outside, doesn't change who you are on the inside, remember?" I say, pointing to my hair.  
"On the inside," he repeats.  
I help him back to our bed while we wait for everyone to arrive.

The party is in usual Dauntless fashion. Our room is smaller than Zeke's for some reason, so it feels extra cramped. We share some drinks and Christina brought up pizza and cake. We also celebrate Shauna's return with a round of shots, which Tobias avoids for obvious reason. He nibbles at a piece of cake as he is regaled with tales of how brave I was and how brilliant his plan to save everyone was. He gets a little sad at this, and surprisingly, it's Christina who cheers him up.

"I was waiting until the whole gang was back together. And yes, you're part of the gang," she says to Tobias. He smiles. "But," she fishes around in her pocket and pulls out a ring. "Will and I are engaged."  
Everyone cheers and whoops as Will scoops her up and kisses her. I look over at Tobias, and he genuinely looks happy for them. He gives me a smile when he catches me staring.

"Excuse me," he says after everyone gives their congratulations. "I do believe this is  _my_  party." Everyone laughs. "No, but really, I'm happy for you two. I saw it the moment I got in your face on the first day."  
"What do you mean?" Christina asks.

"Remember how you mouthed off? I know it's hard to recall exactly which instance I'm talking about here," he holds up his hands in defense as she tosses her pizza crust at him at him. "But I saw Will's face. He was standing in the back. He had it bad already. I'm genuinely happy for you two."

"Thanks, Four," Will says.  
"Are we really still calling you that?" Christina asks.  
Tobias looks at me. I scrunch my nose. "Shoot. I kinda forgot. With everything that happened, it's kinda out there now." I recoil a bit, waiting for the backlash.  
His face is blank, and I know this is hard for him. Again, things were out of his control. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "No," he says after a while, "But I think I'm tired now."

We say our goodbyes and I clean up. Tobias lays in bed with his eyes closed.  
I sit down next to him. "I'm sorry."  
"How did it happen?"  
"I called out to you when I saw them hurt you. But it would have happened anyways I think, with Marcus on trial."  
"When is it?"  
"In four days."  
"I want to go."  
"Okay."

I change and help Tobias remove his jeans. This time I hold him until we fall asleep.

* * *

"I'm not going to take you unless you start your physical therapy."  
"What do I need therapy for? I can walk just fine on the crutches!"  
"Tobias. Dr. North said you needed to do it."  
"And I say I don't."  
I stop what I'm doing and look at him. "Tobias," I say in a firm voice.  
"Alright, alright. I'll go. But if I don't like it, I'm not going again."  
I roll my eyes. "We should get going."

Tobias can't hop the train, so he's reluctantly settled for an Erudite car. I was able to make arrangements with Sara Peters. They liked her well enough that they voted to make her temporary position permanent.

"I have to stay through the whole thing. But if you need to leave, I understand. Are you sure you're going to be okay?"  
"I'll be fine Tris."  
I nod and take the crutches from him as he gets out of the car.

The room quiets as Marcus is brought in. He is injected with the truth serum again, though I'm not sure why. He already admitted to killing Evelyn. Jack Kang starts with a few simple questions, the same ones as the previous trial, and I realize it's how they know the serum has taken effect.

Through the line of questioning, we learn the real reason of Evelyn's fake death. She was having an affair, and became pregnant. Marcus was unsure if the child was his or not. Rather than be shamed with a public divorce, Evelyn opted to go Factionless with the child. That however, wasn't good enough for Marcus, so together they came up with faking her death through childbirth.

Tobias' brother however, really did die. It turned out he had a bad heart, one that would have killed him eventually.

We also learned that Marcus was in regular contact with Evelyn. She was a leader of sorts for the Factionless. When pressed for details on whether Tobias knew or not, Marcus ended up confessing to taking his anger about Evelyn out on him. How he beat Tobias when he saw even a glimpse of Evelyn in anything he did. He refused to allow his son to grow up and be like her. He also confessed to beating her because she didn't take the values of Abnegation seriously. Something in the back of my mind makes me think she was divergent.

The small look of satisfaction on his face tells me that this line of questioning was more personal than anything, but I silently thank Jack Kang for letting everyone know what a horrible monster he truly is.

We are finally brought around to the reason for the trial. Marcus and Evelyn met up as they usually did, and Evelyn was in the middle of reading the papers that were recovered. She had found them in a wall in a building that she was trying to make safe for the Factionless to use. Marcus saw an opportunity, and when she refused to hand over the papers, he strangled her and took them.

He was trying to use the papers for his own personal gain. He wanted to be the one to run this city all on his own, with everyone bowing to his rules. He only let Jeanine in because he lacked the resources and brains to do it himself.

I sneak a look at Tobias when the questioning is over with. His face is hard and expressionless. He only glances at me quickly before focusing on Marcus again. Phoenix and Tori give me the go ahead to decide again, so I join my father with the others in the middle of the room once more. He takes my hand and squeezes it. "I'm sorry." I nod and keep my attention on Marcus.

"Marcus Eaton, you have been charged with the murder of Evelyn Eaton. A jury of your peers will determine your fate. How do you plead?"  
"Not guilty."  
This man just confessed to murdering his own wife, and he has the audacity to plead not guilty. I shake my head in disbelief.  
"Let the record show not guilty."

"You will remain here while your fate is decided," Jack Kang says. I don't miss the look of disbelief on his face either. "The five of you will now decide whether he lives or dies."

There was no deciding necessary. I think this is more a formality now than anything. We resume our places in front of Marcus no more than five minutes later. He stares at me and me alone. I can actually feel the hatred radiating out.

"In the case of Marcus Eaton, have you reached a verdict?"  
"We have," I say. My father made sure that everyone knew why I was the right one to deliver his fate. I look to my right and find Tobias. I can see Marcus do the same out of the corner of my eye. Tobias keeps his eyes on mine and nods. "Marcus Eaton, you have been found guilty of the Murder of Evelyn Eaton. For this you will be sentenced to death, to be carried out in ten days."

I expect an outburst like before, but there is only silence. I make my way to Tobias and take his face in my hands, kissing him softly on his forehead. He gives me a half hearted smile. I turn and look back at Marcus. He is still focused on Tobias. I take a step to my right and block his view. I want the look on my face to be the one he remembers.

Tobias is silent on the ride home, and when I try to hold his hand, he pulls away. I'm hurt, but I did just sentence his father to death. I try my best to understand what he's feeling. I walk with him to our room and tell him that I can't stay with him today because I have to prepare for our decision on keeping or abandoning the faction system with Phoenix and Tori. He nods and gives me a small kiss on the cheek before climbing in bed.

"Give him some time. He knows it was the right thing to do. It doesn't make it any easier though," Phoenix says after I tell them how he's doing. Tori simply nods in agreement. We decide that making a list of the Pros and Cons of both ways is the best way to break it down to the Dauntless. We set a meeting time for 10 tomorrow morning. We also get in touch with Johanna. After everything, we sort of agree that she is the unofficial fourth member of this team. We discuss things like food and housing with her, and she runs her plans and ideas by us. So far, the Amity are in favor of abolishing the faction system. I smile as we work up a speech and our list together.

It's late by the time we're done and I'm starving. I swing by the cafeteria and grab Tobias and myself a burger. The room is dark when I walk in. I put the food down quietly and turn on the bathroom light, so I don't disturb Tobias' sleep. I panic and take a quick look around when I realize he isn't in bed. I'm about to head down to Zeke's when I notice the note sticking out from under the lamp.

_Tris,_

_Please don't worry about me. I just need some space._

_T-_

I show the note to Zeke when he opens the door. "Did he say anything to you?"  
"Shit. No."  
"Thanks Zeke."

I take a quick run outside, in hopes that maybe he is just sitting outside the compound. Another awful thought runs through my mind, and I run around to the side of the building that runs parallel to the train tracks. I breathe a sigh of relief. If he managed to take the train somewhere, he at least made it on and didn't fall to his death.

I head back home and eat dinner alone.

 


	35. Chapter 35

It's been three days since Tobias left. We held our meeting in The Pit without him, and voted as a unit to abolish the faction system. I really wish he was here to see it. I know where he went. I realized it that first night as I laid in bed, and I've been doing my best to let him have the space he needs. Today though, I can't. I need to at least make sure he's okay. I hop the train and head out to the fence. Just as I make it to the hole in the wall, I see a figure making their way through.

"Al?"  
He jumps. "Hey Tris. What are you doing out here?"  
"I could ask you the same thing."  
He looks around nervously. I move to go around him, but he stops me. "Don't." Al has always had this sad look about him, but his face now makes me start to tear up.  
"But Tobias. I need to-"  
He cuts me off. "Go home, Tris. He's okay, I promise." I stand still and look him in the eyes. He has a determination that I've never seen before, and it makes me panic slightly. What could be so bad that even Al won't let me near it? Even though I know with one move I could easily take Al down, I don't. Clearly Tobias needs more time, so I respect his decision. I give Al a slow nod and turn around.

"How did you...?" I ask as we walk back together, trailing off because I don't know at what point Al knew Tobias was here.  
"I was heading to the tracks to stop by Dauntless and I saw him struggling on his crutches. He made me take him to the house. I've been stopping by every day."  
"Thank you," I say quietly.  
"You're welcome, Tris."

Al promises to let me know if anything serious happens if I promise to give it some time and stay away.

* * *

**1 Month Later**

The vote between the factions took place, and it was a unanimous decision. Things are progressing slowly; most people don't understand how to let go. Abolishing the faction system also means welcoming the Factionless back into society. We've been working hard to fix up the buildings around the city to house them. Aside from a few basic necessary positions, everyone works together on what we're calling The Great Restoration. We've already completed work on one building, with several more to go.

We also found the building where Evelyn found the paperwork. There was more in a safe hidden in a wall. A small building in the center of the city was chosen to serve as a museum. All this information is going on display, as a reminder to who we really are, along with the history of each faction and the history of the world as it was before.

Violet, Lynn's girlfriend, is an artist as well as a nurse. The paperwork we found had a logo on it, representing the divergent. It was set in a circle, same as the other factions, with a single line that split into two arrows. Violet took the logo, turned it upside down, and added a third line between them. She calls it a peace sign. It will hang proudly over the entrance to the museum.

I'm no longer a leader of Dauntless. We held a small election out of the pool of existing leaders to form a single uniting government. My father, Johanna and Jack Kang are now in charge of the city. I volunteered instead to help place the Factionless into their new homes, and Christina works with me to help them find work. Most of them stick with the things they already know, such as cleaning, trash removal and running the trains.

I'm filing paperwork in my office at what was once Candor headquarters when my tablet lights up. That's the other great thing about living as a whole. The "Erudite" don't tend to hog their inventions for themselves. Everyone has a personal communication device now. It's a message from Al.

_Hey, Tris._

_Hey Al. How are things?_

_Not too good. I think it's time you  
_ _stopped by._

_Ok. What time are you heading  
_ _over there?_

_5_

_Ok. I'll meet you at the wall._

I look at the light snow falling outside for a moment before finishing the file I was working on. I clean up quickly and let Christina know that I'm leaving, and that I might be gone for a couple of days. She understands completely. I make a quick stop at home to change. I knew this day would come, so I grab the bag I packed a month ago and hop the train.

"How bad?" I ask Al after we make our way through the hole. He looks at me, but doesn't say anything.

The first thing I notice as we walk in is the mess. I make a face at Al and he just shrugs. We make our way through and find him asleep on the couch. He looks like he hasn't showered at all since he got here. His hair is a mess, and longer than it's ever been. I set the bag down.  
"Could you wait in the kitchen?"  
"Are you sure? He's a bit unpredictable."  
"I'm sure. I'll yell if I need you."  
Al nods and leaves.

"Tobias, wake up." I open the bag and pull out clean clothes for him. It's freezing, so I start a fire. I head to the kitchen and fill a pot of water, and place it over the fire. I fill the bath with cold water and heat up the pot five times for a nice sized bath.  
"Tobias. Get up now." This time he stirs, making a noise like a petulant child. "Tobias."  
"Go away."  
"No. You can either get up, or I can drag you into the bath."  
He cracks an eye. "Tris?"  
"Yes. Now get up."

He sits up but makes no effort to move towards the bathroom, so I grab his arm and pull him up. He's off balance, but doesn't put up much of a fight. I undress him and push him into the tub, splashing water everywhere. He spurts and flails a moment before settling in with a scowl and letting me scrub him.

"You are disgusting," I say as I watch the nearly black water drain out. He takes over finally, shoving me out of the bathroom as he dresses himself in the clean clothes I brought and combs his hair. I look around and notice a pile of empty medicine bottles tossed haphazardly in the corner. I poke my head in the kitchen and hold out a bottle. Al just shrugs again and I roll my eyes.

"Sit," I say when he makes his way out. I stand across the room from him and stare. He makes no effort to look up at me, instead he stares past me like I'm not really here. We are like this for a long time, when he finally breaks the silence.  
"You shouldn't have come here."  
"Why?"  
"Because you don't need me in your life."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You said it yourself. You can't change what's on the inside."  
"Tobias, you're going to have to start making some sense here beca-"  
"I'm just like him!" he yells out, finally bringing his eyes to mine.

It takes me a minute to even register what he means.  
"You're nothing like him."  
"I am. He hurt my mother, and I will hurt you." He looks at me as if he is seeing me for the first time, that I truly am here, and the look on his face heartbreaking.

"I wanted to grab you once," he says calmly. "When you first told everyone you were divergent. I wanted to shake you and yell at you and make you understand that you were wrong for doing that. My father beat me, and my mother, because he thought we were wrong. He thought he could make us see it. That he could change us. But I know that you can't change. Who I am on the inside..." He takes a deep breath and lowers his head. "I can't be with you Tris. I can't hurt you like that."

"Tobias, you will never do that. You will never be like him." He just shakes his head slowly. "I love you Tobias."  
"Don't love me."  
"You know I'm right. You might have wanted to grab me, but you didn't. And  _that_  makes you different. You make your own choices, not him." He lays back down on the couch and stares at the floor. "Tobias. Tobias. Will you please acknowledge that I'm here? That I'm standing in front of you, telling you that I love you. That I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I will do whatever it takes to help you." I pause, waiting for a response. "Do you really have nothing to say to any of that?"  
"Please leave," is all he says after a few minutes of silence.

I reach in the bag and pull out the book, tossing it on the floor in front of his face. "I don't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. We're through if you don't snap out of it. I've been alone, waiting for you all this time. You might as well have died out there Tobias, because it's no different for me." By now I'm crying, and I've had enough. I stop in front of the kitchen door and give him one last chance. He doesn't even raise his eyes to me. "Are you really going to let him win?" is the last thing I say to him.

* * *

**Three Weeks Later**

"Are you coming over for dinner tonight?"  
"Only if Will's making his famous white noodles."  
"You know he is."  
"Then you know I'll be there."

Christina and I laugh. It's been nice seeing people find a place to belong in our new society. It was decided that everyone would stay put in the faction housing until the Factionless were all given a place to live. Then we would work on finding common ground housing for the rest of us. While almost everyone is working on The Great Restoration, there are a few, like Will, Lauren and Violet who are working on getting the museum up and running. In his free time, Will has been taking cooking classes from the chefs in the kitchen. He created this cheesy white sauce that goes over noodles and it is amazing.

I run home to change quickly and am completely caught off guard when I open the door.  
"Hi." Tobias is sitting at the table. He is clean, his hair is cut to it's usual length, and he looks like he finally ate a real meal.  
"Hey." I look around for anyone else.  
"It's just me. Listen, I understand if you don't want to see me at all, but I just wanted to tell you thank you. And to give you this." He pulls the book out of his bag and slides it towards me. I take a step forward and pick it up.  
"You're welcome." I hold the book to my chest and wrap my arms around it as I rock back and forth on my heels, feeling awkward and unsure of what's going on right now. I had basically written Tobias off a few days after I went to the house. And now here he is, and it's like we're strangers.

"Well, I guess I'll be going then."  
"Okay. Where are you staying? I mean, this is your room. I can find somewhere else to stay if you need it."  
"Oh, no. It's yours now. I'm just going to grab the rest of my stuff, if that's okay. I'll just be a minute." He stands and makes his way on his crutches to the closet. I head to the bathroom and close the door behind me, leaning against it.  _What the hell is wrong with me?_ I take a deep breath and look at myself in the mirror. Again, I'm not even sure I know who this person is. I realize I still have the book in my hands, and my bookmark is still there. I open it, and read the notes written on it.

_Tris,_

_Please don't worry about me. I just need some space._

_T-_

_I'll always be here for you. I love you, Tobias. XO-_

I see he added onto our conversation.

_VI-_

_You saved me, and I will be forever in your debt._

_IV-_

I smile. It's still in the place I left it. He made little annotations in the margins, and I see that he underlined  
 _But nothing compared to the love I felt  
_ _Just by being with you_

I open the door just as he's coming out of the closet. "Are you hungry?"

* * *

**Six Months Later**

"I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride."

We whoop and cheer as Will dips Christina, kissing her passionately. I look at Tobias in the front row sitting next to Zeke, and he smiles. I fix the long train on Christina's dress as her and Will walk down the aisle together. They got married in the Main Hall at what used to be Candor headquarters. It was mostly used for large gatherings like this, and can accommodate almost the entire faction. Christina thought it would be nice if they mixed it up a bit. Dauntless weddings consist of mainly getting matching tattoos and getting black out drunk. The Candor keep it more reserved, with a ceremony for friends and family, the bride wearing a long train of white lace, symbolizing the length of their marriage.

Her dress is white, but in traditional Christina fashion, short in the front. The train though, is ten feet of black lace. She looks absolutely stunning. They head to the back of the room and take their place at the head table. I find Tobias and sit down with him.  
"Christina's parents seem nice," I say. He nods.

It's only been pretty recent that Tobias and I seem like our old selves again. It was awkward at first, but we learned to love each other again. Not that we ever truly stopped. Things just have a way of changing somehow. Tobias found a way to vent his frustrations when he found himself thinking, what he calls, his dark thoughts. Thoughts about his past. His mother. His father murdering her with his bare hands. The first time it happened, he had woken up from a particularly vivid nightmare. It consumed him the entire day, and by nightfall, he was in bad shape. I did the only thing I could think of. I read him the poem. He asked me to get him some paper and a pen, and he started writing. He doesn't show me what he writes, and I don't ask. This is something just for him. That night we ripped that page out of the book and hung it on the wall, as a reminder to see the good within the bad. It was the start of the healing process for the both of us.

"You want to dance?" I ask. Tobias is still very self conscious about his foot. Caleb and Cara say they are trying to find the time to develop a working prosthetic, but with The Great Renovation still in full swing, it's hard to focus on that when so many other things are being asked of them. He shakes his head, so I grab us some cake instead.

"You seem nervous. Need to talk about anything?"  
"No." He gets up and grabs his crutches, and heads over to talk to Will and Christina. I sigh and push my cake away. When he comes back, I really start to worry. He doubles over next to me, and gets down on his knee.  
"Tobias. What's wrong? Please tell me."  
He rights himself slightly, looks me in the eyes, and smiles. He holds out his hand, and there is a small silver ring in it.

I stare in disbelief, mouth agape in shock.  
"I've had this for almost a month. Christina just threatened to do it herself if I didn't stop worrying so much and do it."  
I reach out and take the ring. I notice there is an inscription on the inside. It says  _I Promise._  
"I promise?"  
"I promise to love you with all my heart, if you promise to love me with all of yours."  
I smile. "I promise."  
"Tris, will you marry me?" I slide the ring on my finger and smile.

"Is that a yes?" Christina yells out from her seat.  
I sigh. "Yes Christina. It is."  
The people around us clap and cheer as we kiss.

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Ten Months Later**

"Are you nervous?" My mother asks my reflection in the mirror.  
"No. Were you?"  
"No. I was never more sure of anything in my life."

She smiles, and I can't help but be reminded of when she used to cut my hair in Abnegation. We stand in my house now. Well, mine and Tobias'. The Great Renovation is complete, and we moved in a week ago. Since I was in charge of housing, I made sure that all of our friends live on our street. My parents decided to stay in their house in Abnegation, even though I offered them a new one. When the paperwork for a woman named Abigail Hayes crossed my desk, I recognized that her grandson, Peter, would be living with her. She was Factionless who resisted the change at first. I made sure to place them as far away from us as I could.

She places a flower in my hair. "There. All finished." I take a long look in the mirror. All of the black grew out long ago, but I loved the style, so I kept it. Today though, my mother pulled it back, similar to the old bun I used to wear, and placed a white lily in it.  
"Looking good!" Christina yells from the couch. She has to sit often, her big belly wears her out pretty quickly, even though she still has a few months to go.

I take the dress out of it's bag and slip it on. "Oh, Beatrice." My mother smiles. "Sorry."  
"It's okay. Only you and dad can call me that though," I say, winking at her. "Ready?" I say to them both.

Christina gets up and spins me around, taking my dress in. It's a plain, strapless, flowing white fabric that goes all the way to the floor. A black lace sash pulls the dress in just under my breasts, culminating in a simple bow in the back. There are many tails though, some curled, some straight, all varying lengths cascading down the back of my dress.  
"Tobias is going to flip," she says with a smile.  
We get in the car together and head out to the fields.

Tobias and I decided that the best place to start our marriage was the place where our journey truly began. Our friends spent the last two days helping us clear an area near the dock and set up the tables and chairs. Zeke even built a special platform for us to stand on so everyone could see. We also decided that we would like to incorporate the traditions of each faction into our wedding, as a way to remember, and a way to unite.

My dress, and Tobias' clothes are black and white, for Candor.  
Our rings are plain and simple, for Abnegation.  
We've written our own vows, for Erudite.  
Our hands will be bonded with string, for Amity.  
I smile as I touch the small IV tattoo on my left wrist. Tobias has a matching VI on his, for Dauntless.

The sun is about twenty minutes away from setting when we pull up to the Amity pond.  
"Oh, boy," I say as the nerves start to set in.  
"Hey, look at me. Don't be nervous, okay? Is there anyone else you could ever imagine spending your life with?" Christina asks me.  
"No."  
"Then you got this." She smiles and gives me a kiss on the side of my head. "Don't stop."  
"What?" I ask her, confused. She smiles and gets out of the car. I take a few minutes to give my mother a chance to be seated, and Christina to take her place up on the stage, and calm myself before getting out.

I hold on tightly to the small bouquet of lilies, their stems wrapped in the same black lace as my dress, and look around at everyone staring at me. I feel myself flush. This is actually more embarrassing that I thought it would be. When I look to the stage, I don't see Tobias. I freeze for a moment before Christina's last words echo through my head. I look at her and she nods, smiling. I continue forward, heart pounding so hard it hurts. When I reach the stage, I look at Zeke, standing where Tobias should be. He smiles and winks. I'm about to turn and ask Christina what the hell's going on, when I hear another car pull up.

I look out as the door opens, and I think my heart stops. Tobias gets out; his black pants and white shirt neatly pressed and tucked in, a thin black tie running down the center of his chest, and he stands there, with no crutches. He takes a step towards me and my eyes well up as my breath catches in my throat. By the time he reaches the stage, I can't see anything. He gives me a small kiss on the cheek.

"I wanted it to be a surprise."  
"How...?" is all I manage to get out.  
"Cara. I'll tell you the rest later. How about we get married first?"  
I wipe my eyes, careful not to smear my makeup, and nod.

Tobias reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. His hands are shaking as he unfolds it, and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that's nervous.

"Tris, from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you. You started a fire in me that could never be put out. Through the good times and the bad, you never doubted me. You know me better than anyone else in this world, and somehow still you manage to love me. For that, I am forever grateful.  
I promise to keep the good memories alive in dark times, and I promise to treat each morning as a new day to love you. You are my heart and my soul, and until the day I die, I never want to spend a single moment without you. I promise to love you, until the end of time."

His voice waivers at the end, and I can't see through my own tears again. Christina taps me on the shoulder and hands me a tissue. I don't even want to know where it came from. We giggle as we wipe our tears away, and she hands me my vows.

"Tobias, I am the luckiest person in the world, to have you by my side. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You give me a freedom I never thought I would have. But most of all, you make me a better person.  
I promise to be there for you, not just for the good times, but for the bad times too. I promise to love you like nobody else ever could. But most of all, I promise that the love I have for you will last throughout our lifetime, and into many more."

Tobias tries, and fails, to hide that he's wiping a tear from his eye and gives me a smile.

Christina and Zeke move next to us and hold our hands high in the air. Zeke takes a piece of twine out of his pocket and he and Christina bind our left wrists together as we hold hands. Tobias places a second ring, a thin black one, on my finger next to the silver one. I take the black ring from Zeke and place it on Tobias finger. "We now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," they say in unison.

Tobias tilts my face up to his with his free hand and kisses me, and I kiss him back. My heart leaps at his touch, as if it knows who it belongs to. Our friends clap and cheer, and I laugh against Tobias' mouth. He brings his arm down and pulls me close, holding on tight. "I don't ever want to let you go," he whispers in my ear. I smile and hold him tight too.

We make our way to our table and sit down. I see Tobias sneak the twine into his pocket after we take it off. Our friends stop by and chat for a while, as well as some people we don't really know. They know us though. Tobias and I, as well as everyone else who participated in that night, have our names on own plaque in the museum, under the heading of "The Rescue Team". I smile and shake their hands as they thank us for everything we did. It still feels weird, being seen as a hero of sorts. We only did what was right.

Cara and Caleb make their way up to us. I forgave him, but I'll never allow him to forget what he did. He nods respectfully at Tobias, and comes around the table and gives me a soft hug.  
"So, are you three going to tell me how this happened, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" I ask, pointing at Tobias' foot.  
"It was simple, really. Once I got the free time, I was able to create the foot out of a titanium alloy. It moves just like a real foot, and with the receptors that I developed, it's able think like a real foot too," Cara says proudly.  
"I didn't know feet had brains," I joke.  
"They don't, but Tobias' does. It's able to read his thoughts, and react to them. If he thinks, wiggle my toes, the foot does it."  
"Nice. When did you find time to do all of this?" I ask Tobias.  
"When you were at work. You know how Al would always write to you out of the blue to see what you were doing? That was really me."  
I smile. "So I have Al to thank for this too?"  
"You do."

I look out into the crowd and find Al. I give him a smile and he raises his glass and nods at me. He decided to stay in Amity and pursue medicine. He met a girl named Danielle who was also a transfer from Candor. They're actually quite perfect for each other. I make a mental note though to punch him in the arm next time I see him for keeping this from me.

I motion Cara over and give her a hug. She doesn't know what to do with her arms, so she just sort of stands there, and pats me on the shoulder. I silently hope her and my brothers relationship isn't this awkward. "Thank you though. I owe you everything."  
"It was the least we could do." She gives a quick nod and grabs Caleb, and they disappear somewhere.  
"Well, that was awkward," Tobias says with a laugh.

"Here. I picked this up for you guys so you don't have to leave the house for anything this weekend." Zeke places our marriage license in between us, and hands me a pen.  
"Thanks, Zeke," Tobias says.  
"Hey, no problem man. I know how wedding nights go," he says with a wink and a laugh. Lauren elbows him in the ribs.  
"Oh my god," I say, grabbing the pen and rolling my eyes. I can feel myself blushing a little though.

He and Shauna broke up not long after everything happened. She couldn't take the guilt of what happened, even though she had no control over it. Eventually it caused a huge blowout and Shauna left. He and Lauren have been together ever since.

I find my spot, and sign my name.  _Beatrice Prior.  
_ I hand Tobias the pen and he smiles as he signs.  _Tobias Prior._  
It didn't take us long to decide that the Eaton name should die too.  
Zeke takes the license and says, "We're ready when you are." Tobias nods, as Zeke walks away.  
"What was that about?" I ask.  
Tobias looks up to the stage before standing. "Tris, may I have this dance?" I smile and take his hand.

The lights we had strung up around our little area kick on, and I smile. Everything reminds me of our date on top of The Hub. Zeke, Uriah, Violet, and Lauren are standing off to the side of the stage with various musical instruments.

"Boy, you guys sure have been keeping a lot of secrets from me, haven't you?"  
"Not secrets. Surprises," Tobias says with a smile. "Last one, I promise." He takes my hand and leads me to the stage as they start to play. I lay my head on his chest and close my eyes, listening as Violet begins to sing.

_You're my downfall, you're my muse  
_ _My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
_ _I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you_

_My head's under water  
_ _But I'm breathing fine  
_ _You're crazy and I'm out of my mind_

_Cause all of me  
_ _Loves all of you  
_ _Love your curves and all your edges  
_ _All your perfect imperfections  
_ _Give your all to me  
_ _I give my all to you  
_ _You're my end and my beginning  
_ _Even when I lose I'm winning  
_ _Cause I give you all of me  
_ _And you give me all of you_

_I give you all of me  
_ _And you give me all of you_

I look up at Tobias and see the single tear forming in his eye.  
"Did you write this?" I ask, thinking about his notebook.  
Tobias nods. "I love you, Tris."  
"I love you too."

* * *

**Sixteen Months Later**

**Tobias**

"What do you think it's going to be?" I ask her quietly as I hold a cold towel to her head.  
"Tobias, I love you, but right now, I don't care."

The machines beep steadily as they monitor Tris and the baby's heart rates. She takes a deep breath and let's out a small cry as another contraction rolls through. I watch the machine record it, the lines getting longer and more frequent. Lynn and Violet are there to assist in the birth, as well as Christina, who's "already been through this," and "it's a piece of cake." I smile and take her hand, wincing as she squeezes the hell out of it.  
"I'll be right back," I say, kissing her forehead as she nods and shoos me away.

I head out to the rest of our friends, as well as Tris' parents in the waiting room.  
"The doctor says she should be able to start pushing within the hour. I know it's late, so you don't have to stay."  
Zeke shoves two cookies in my hand and I devour them greedily. I haven't eaten since this morning, and it's now almost midnight.

"No way. Finn is at his grandparents. We're here for you guys. Besides, you think Chris is going anywhere?" Will says. He has a point.  
"That's right. You think we're going to miss the birth of our grandbaby?" Andrew says with a smile. He gives me a hug as I take another cookie from Zeke.

"If she's not ready to push, that means the baby won't be here until tomorrow," Natalie says thoughtfully. I know exactly what she's thinking.  
"Sort of fitting, isn't it?" I ask. I hear Tris scream. "Better get back."

Of all days for our baby to be born, I think what was once choosing day is the best.

* * *

Tris is having a hard time. She's been pushing for hours now and the baby hasn't budged. Dr. Cameron orders Lynn to prepare Tris for a cesarean while she prepares for surgery.

"I know you want to push, but you're going to have to stop now. Your heart rate and the baby's are sky high. So try your best to relax, okay? You can do this. Dr. Cameron has done this lots of times and she'll have that baby out of there in no time." Tris nods and looks at me nervously, and I admit, I'm nervous too. Lynn hands me scrubs.

"What's this for?"  
"You get to come in, daddy." She slaps me on the shoulder before she leaves to get ready. I smile as I pull the scrubs over my clothes.  
"You look silly," Tris says as she reaches for my hand.  
"I look silly? You should see yourself in that gown," I say, grinning. She rolls her eyes at me and squeezes my hand hard. I stop joking and brace myself for the bone crushing power that is Tris in labor. She lets out a loud cry that turns into a harsh scream. My heart races as I realize this is different. She's in real pain. I try to look for Lynn through the tiny window in the door, but when the machine beeps even more rapidly and Tris' grip loosens, I panic.

"Lynn," I call out. Her hand falls almost limp as her eyes slowly close. I hold on tight as the machine's rapid beeping slows to a frightening pace.  
"Lynn!" I shout as loud as I can as I slap Tris' hand. She rushes in and calls out to Dr. Cameron. I drop Tris' hand when the machine lets out a long and steady beep. Lynn unlocks the gurney and starts running. I follow, completely unaware of what's happening.

"I'm sorry," is the last thing I hear when she pushes me out of the operating room. I take small, frightened steps backwards until I hit a wall. I slide down it slowly and stare at the operating room door. The realization of what is happening hits me like a bullet through the heart.

I can't lose them. Not after everything we have been through.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tobias' song is "All of Me" by John Legend.


	37. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

**Two Years Later**

I stand on the dock and throw rocks into the pond. It's a warm summer day; what used to be choosing day. My eyes well up a little as I think of how much my life has changed. This day has always been hard for me, and today is no exception.

Zeke and I just got back from a mission outside the wall. We traveled to a city called Cincinnati. It's another walled city like ours, only they never tried to control their people. They welcomed us, and we stayed for a few weeks, sharing each others history. Theirs is a lot better than ours.

With Cara's help, we were able to establish an open line of communication, and next month we will head back out, this time as an escort for those that wish to leave Chicago. We'll return with some people who want to live here. It's no surprise that Peter was the first person to sign up to leave. We've run into each other only twice, and both times ended with me punching him in the face. Perhaps he'll find a better life where he doesn't have a history.

I've been working with Will lately, adding to the history of our museum. Its most recent addition is the things we were told in Cincinnati. Seeing all of those old truths again made me wish that Tris had never experienced this life.

Tris.

She'll always be the love of my life.

There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thankful for my experiences with her. I remember our first night here. And that we got married here. And that it's possible she got pregnant here. I smirk at the memory.

I take off my shoes and wiggle my toes. The real ones and the fakes. I'm on my second foot now. Cara was able to improve on her design again. Something about a faster response time and a more scientifically accurate bone structure. Truthfully, I don't even notice a difference. I sit on the dock and put my feet in the cool water and smile. Skinny-dipping, Abnegation style.

It's hard sometimes to believe that 5 years ago I managed to jump into that net. I wouldn't change it for anything though. It sparked a love that fueled a change in our world, a change for the better, and I am so proud to be a part of that.

My thoughts change as they often do and I think back to the hospital. To Tris struggling to give birth. She wanted a baby so badly. I was afraid, so afraid, for more than one reason. And then the machine let out it's long and steady beep, and I knew. I knew it was a sign; a punishment. I was never meant to be a father. I would never escape him, and she was the price.

I hurt everything that I touch.

I hang my head and close my eyes for a moment.

"Are you going to go with us tonight?" Zeke asks as he walks up next to me.  
"You know I'm not. Why do you insist on asking me every time you go?"  
"You know why."  
I do know.  
I nod. "Maybe."  
A long and drawn out "Yes," is all I hear as he runs off.

I throw another rock as I think about the day she jumped back into my life.

"What's this I hear about you going tonight?"  
"I only said maybe," I say quietly.  
"Maybe? That's a first."  
"I know."  
"I guess that means I need to find a sitter then."  
"Well when you put it like that, I guess I can't go."  
Tris sits down next to me and gives me a look. "Fine. Find a sitter," I say reluctantly. I look up at her. She is so beautiful.

She died just like I did.

But they brought her back. I never thought that death would be the one thing that bonded us, made us even stronger than we already were. But I understand now. Sometimes you have to be broken, completely broken, in order to heal. Tris and I were good, but we weren't fixed. Not completely. There's an old saying,  _what doesn't kill you makes you stronger._  But death, death changes you. A piece of me died with her, and it was reborn, just like she was. We were both saved.

The pieces that are mended sometimes end up being the strongest, and we are no exception.

I smile as she wipes a stray tear from my eye and kisses me hard. She gives me a big smile back before she runs back to the group.  
"He said yes!" They whoop and cheer as I plot a way to get out of going ziplining. Again. It's the one fear I haven't managed to get over, and I'm in no rush to do it.

I feel that familiar burn and I turn my head, only to be greeted by two sets of eyes. One a deep storm gray, the other so blue, they're almost black.  
"Daddy!"  
Tris is at the end of the dock, smiling. She sets our daughter down and she runs to me. She's the best thing to have ever happened to me; I no longer need my notebook. Her small face with her blonde curls and my eyes are all I need to pull me away from any edge. She is what keeps me together, this tiny piece of me.

"Hi, baby." I scoop her into my arms and scoot back, sitting her between my legs so her feet can go in the water too. "Happy Birthday."  
I breathe on her neck quickly and she scrunches up, giggling and telling me that "I got her sugars."  
"I love you, Evy."  
"I wuv you, daddy."  
I kiss her on top of her head and turn back to the end of the dock. Tris is busy with the party again, but she gives me a quick glance and a wink, and my heart beats just a little faster.

This day is significant for a lot of reasons. Change. Fear. Love. Death. Birth. Salvation. Every single one of them has shaped me into the man I am today, and I am grateful for every single one of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. For reals. I hope you like what I did. : )
> 
> I do want to give you all a big thank you for being supportive. This was my first venture out into this, and you made it a lot less scary. I appreciate every single review and every single follow. You guys are awesome.
> 
> And I do have some more ideas floating around in this brain of mine, but I need a break! This was a big task! Plus, I don't want to repeat this story in any way, so I need it to float off for a while before I dive into another one.
> 
> Although I didn't mean to, I did leave an opening for a sequel though, so, you never know!
> 
> Again, many, many many thanks. Your reviews make my day, and I would really like to know what you guys thought. I'll see you all around in the near future!


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